Coach/Quotes

A list of Coach's Quotes heard so far in Left 4 Dead 2.

Intro

 * [Reading CEDA's instructons in Zombie Survival Guide trailer ] *with irony* "Report unusual behavior. Barricade your homes. Avoid all contact with infected individuals. Wait for official instructions. Hah! Wait my ass!"
 * Ellis: Kill all sons'a'bitches. That's my official instructions!


 * [ Killing an infected in Zombie Survival Guide trailer ] "This used to be a nice neighborhood!"
 * [ Stopping for a break at the stairs in Zombie Survival Guide trailer ] "Who the Hell...puts an evac station...up thirty flights of goddamn stairs?"
 * Nick: "Well, Coach... Maybe the helicopter...maybe it's made of chocolate!"
 * [ Looking at the fleeing helicopters in Zombie Survival Guide trailer ] "Thought they're supposed to be savin' our asses!"

General

 * "All right, let's put on our game faces, they're comin!"
 * "God damn it, I knew I shoulda lost some weight."
 * "All right, everybody, you are giving 110%."
 * "Man, this is about to get all Baghdad and shit.."
 * "That was some epic shit right there."

Negative responses

 * "You try that shit on me and you'll be wishin' your momma never met ya father."

Health related

 * "Stay close, we're a party of two."
 * [ When low on health ] "Crazy sons' bitches messin' me up!"
 * "*various spluttering sounds*"
 * [ When being revived ] "They oughta name a school after me for this shit."
 * "They better name a school after me for this shit."
 * "All right, thanks."
 * [ Being revived with the Defibrillator] "Aw Hell, I'm back here."
 * "Please tell me you didn't do mouth to mouth..."
 * "Glad I didn't go toward the light."
 * [ When picking up pills] "I know one thing: I'm grabbin' pills!"
 * "Got the pills!"
 * [ When reviving someone] "Keep it up. C'mon, keep it up, keep it up. You gonna make it."
 * [ When in critical need of healing ] "Come on... Put it together, man... You gonna make it through this shit..."
 * "It hurts...but it ain't nothing."
 * [ When on black and white ] "Come on man. You can make it through this shit!"
 * [ When giving pain pills ] "You make sure you use this now."
 * [ While incapacitated ] "Get your asses over here and help me!"
 * [ Reviving someone on their last down ] "Man, you look like one of those dudes in a drivin' school film. This may be it for you."
 * [ When healing another Survivor. ] "Hold still. Imma heal your ass!"
 * "I hope this makes you feel better. Ain't sure what I'm doin'."
 * [ When picking up Rochelle shortly after she already went down ] "AGAIN!?"
 * [ In a weak and breaking voice ] Rochelle: "Again..."


 * [Rochelle dies leaving Coach alone] "Ahh no, baby-girl, now I'm all alone"
 * [While healing himself] "Shit, I need to heal my ass."
 * [When low on health and Ellis is telling a story] "WE'RE NOT GONNA SET UP CAMP FOR YOU!"

Weapon related

 * [ When he picks some incendiary ammo ] "Boo-yeah!"
 * [ When he is going to throw a molotov or a pipe bomb ] "Fire in the hoooole!"
 * "Grenaade!"
 * " All right now, let's blow some shit up."
 * [ Reloading after taking heavy damage ] "Re-goddamn-loading!"
 * "I tell ya, it's gonna be raining zombie pieces."
 * "Hey boy. Pow! Some bitches gonna get sniped."

Infected related

 * [Upon spotting a Tank] "I'm gonna beat that Tank's ass!"
 * "Ohhh shit! Tank!"
 * [ When constricted ] "(raspy) Get this mother fu-(coughs) off me!"
 * [When a Spitter is about to spit] "Burning shit comin'!"
 * [When a Spitter is around] "That fat spittin' bitch is around."
 * "I hear that fat woman."
 * [When a Smoker is around] "Sounds like one of them Smoker bitches."
 * [When a Hunter is around] "Punk-ass Hunter around."
 * [When a Witch is around] "Ya'll hear, get ready to toss that bitch"
 * "Quiet everybody, I hear a Bitch."
 * "That cryin' girls around here."
 * "I'll give her somethin' to cry about!"
 * [When pummeled by a Charger] "Charger! SHOOT!"
 * "Don't stand there, kill this thing!
 * "Charger's pounding me into the ground!"
 * "This things beating my ass!"
 * "Shoot the Charger!"
 * "This Charger's pounding me!"
 * "Shoot this damn Charger!"
 * "God-damn, one of ya'll gotta shoot this thing!"
 * [ When he sees a Riot Infected ] "That zombie's got armor! I want armor!"
 * [ When a Jockey is riding him ] "Ellis, is that you? What the hell!?""
 * "It ain't right for a man to be ridden like that."
 * [ When Ellis kills a Special Infected ] "Nice shot, Young un'.
 * [ When Rochelle kills a Special Infected ]You on it!"
 * [ When hearing a Jockey ] "One of those leapin'-on-your-back bitches is around."
 * "I hear one of those Jockeys. If I see it, I'm gonna shoot the shit out of it!"

Dead Center

 * [ When the chopper leaves without them at the beginning of Dead Center ] "HEYYY! COME BACK! COME-ahh, he ain't comin' back."
 * [ At the beginning of the Atrium Finale ] "Oh, hey! Jimmy Gibbs!
 * Nick"I'm getting sick of looking at this guy's face"
 * Coach: "Well trust me - in these parts, he's as famous as....Elvis. Or the President."
 * Nick: "Really. 'Cause he looks like an asshole."
 * Coach: "Get yo' ass movin', Nick."


 * "Nick, don't give me that look. Cola and nuts might be this man's last meal. We can't deny him that. We get him his snacks, he helps us. I'm good with it."
 * "Cola and nuts? Could go for some myself. Better not be diet cola. Because that I will not do."
 * "I have never killed zombies on a snack run, but today is a day of firsts. If you don't mind us using your guns to do it, we're good to go."
 * "Finally something that makes sense to me. A man and his snacks. We'll hook ya up. Just don't forget to take care of us."

Dark Carnival

 * [Upon seeing the height requirement at the carousel]'You must be this tall to ride.' Well-least there won't be no Jockeys in there.
 * Nick: Nope. Just lots and lots of Tanks.
 * You must be this tall to ride. Sorry Ellis.
 * [ Upon passing a candyfloss store in Dark Carnival. ] "Cotton Candy, the wise Pharaoh of food, sittin' a top a giant pyramid of food, judging all the lesser foods."
 * [ In the Tunnel of Love ] "I don't remember the Tunnel of Love bein' this LONG. I musta had something else on my mind."
 * Nick: "Sorry to break it to you Coach, but your heroes lip-sync. There's a tape back here labeled Finale."
 * Coach: "No, they're just saving their voices for the studio, Nick. That's SMART."


 * "Lip syncing old ass bitches, they got a tape back here."
 * "Well ain't this a bitch, they got a tape for their music. To think I used to like these guys."
 * "Hm. Shit. First time I ever couldn't wait to get out of the Tunnel of Love."

Swamp Fever

 * [ Reading the sign at the start of The Swamp ] "No CEDA, No Military, Stay Out..."
 * [ When ferry arrives at the Swamp Fever ] "Put it all out there."
 * [ When the fishing boat arrives in The Plantation] "*Repeatedly blows sports whistle*"
 * "Better not be any goddamn instant mud people, just add water."

Hard Rain

 * "I am not dying in a goddamn sugar mill."

The Parish
[ Upon reaching the beginning of The Lift Bridge(?) ] "Oh yeah...our goal is right next to the bridge! ON THE OTHER MOTHER EFFIN' SIDE OF THE WATER!!" Nick: "Tell me about it..."
 * [ Reading the sign at the start of The Parish ] "Infected detected, no shit."
 * [ While Walking through the sewers in the Parish ] "Man Nick, You picked a bad day to wear your white suit."
 * [ Upon contacting the military via the radio on The Bridge ] Military: "Bridge, are you immune?"
 * Coach: "We are NOT infected".
 * Military: "Negative Bridge, are you IMMUNE? Have you encountered the Infected?"
 * Coach: "Encountered? Boy, I am covered in zombie blood and puke and eyeballs and twenty other parts I don't even recognize. We are immune as SHIT!"

Friendly Fire

 * [ When shot at ] "Hey! Stop shooting me, all right!?"
 * "Will you cut that shit out!"
 * "Excuse me? EXCUSE ME!?!"
 * "Lets not start shooting each other now, okay?"
 * "Shoot me again, and you gonna be meetin' your maker right soon."
 * "Y'all gotta stop shootin' me."
 * "There's gonna be some biblical shit happening to you if you do that again."
 * "Let's not all start shootin' each other now."
 * "Are you outta your mind shootin' at me?"
 * "You gotta learn how to shoot!"
 * "Nicolas, I thought you knew how to use a gun."
 * "I'm trying to tell you, shooting each other is not helping each other."
 * "Shootin' me? That's some crazy shit."

Scavenge

 * [At the beginning of a Scavenge map] "Haul ass and get gas!!"
 * "Let's GO! Find the gas cans!"

Uncategorized

 * [ When car alarm starts ] "Game on, ladies..."
 * [ Randomly said when being controlled by a bot and Nick says "Let's go! Let's go! ] "F'sho! F'sho!" *chuckle*
 * "Chicken ain't nothing but a bird."
 * "Ain't been called nothin' but Coach for a long time."
 * "Boy, I'm going to miss your goofy ass."
 * "Look, let's just find the corndog stand and hold out there."
 * "Rochelle, you gotta find another window, this here is the men's room."
 * "Nick, we're goin into a swamp filled with zombies. Y'all want me to lie to ya?"
 * "I normally stay the hell away from swamps on principle. You remember that movie with that golfer that got his hand ate by a gator? That shit's real."
 * "Ellis, it's just a boat."
 * "I wonder if they got dinner cookin'?"
 * "Oh you know we'll be here. We ain't got any other pressin' engagements."
 * "Man, I sure wish the Burger Tank was open"
 * "I knew Burger Tank wouldn't let us down."
 * "Good question, where in the hell is CEDA? Cause I'd like to shoot some of their asses."
 * "Hide? Pussies."
 * "All right, you MENTIONED pancakes, but it wasn't really ABOUT them, was it?"
 * "Nick, get your OCD-smelling ass in the chopper!"
 * "Hey, Nick, you smell THAT? That's the smell of Coach gettin' mad."
 * "People call me Coach. And I LIVE here."
 * "What the heck is that chopper doing?"
 * "I don't think you're supposed to use an elevator when the buildin's on fire."
 * "Dollars to donuts, that chopper's headin' to the mall across town."
 * "It's not funny. You coulda really hurt yours... Naw, it's funny.
 * "I find a Burger Tank in this place? I'm-a be a one-man cheeseburger apocalypse."