Ellis/Quotes

A list of Ellis' Quotes heard so far in Left 4 Dead 2.

Intro

 * [ Responding to Coach quoting CEDA's instructions in case of infection in Zombie Survival Guide trailer ] "Kill all sons'a'bitches. That's my official instructions."
 * [ At the roof of the evacuation station in Zombie Survival Guide trailer ] "Hey, where is everybody? Hellooooo?"
 * [ When he gets grabbed by a Smoker in Zombie Survival Guide trailer ] "Ah, what the hell?"
 * [ Seeing how the lower floors are flooded by the Infected in Zombie Survival Guide trailer ] "Holy... Shit..."
 * [ When getting pummeled by a Charger'] "It's got me!

General

 * [ After closing the Safe Room door] "We gonna need to do better than THAT."
 * "We are a right DAMN good team!"
 * "I'm thinking we can take on ANYTHING."
 * "We are kings of the world!"
 * (laughing) "We are good! ehe!"
 * "I can hardly believe we made that!"
 * "Man, I could go for a cold one right about now."
 * "That's how its done RIGHT!"
 * "Elvis has left the building!"
 * [ When sees a safe room ] "Hey, we got a safe room right ahead!"
 * [ When all alone or all other survivors are dead] "Hey it's not funny man, where are you guys?"
 * [ When waiting for the other Survivors inside the safe room ] "I need every one of you inside now!"
 * "C'mon y'all get inside!"
 * [ When finding an item ] "All right, all right!"

Ellis's Stories

 * [ When in the Safe Room at the start of The Park ] "Ya'll know what "suck the heads" means? 'Cause I came down here with Keith once, and he didn't know, and--I mean, it ain't nothin' bad. It's about eatin'-"
 * Nick: "Ellis? Is now the best time?" or "Ellis, Ellis! We don't have time for this right now!"
 * Rochelle: "Ellis, sweetie, can this wait?"
 * Coach: "We ain't got time for this, Ellis."
 * Ellis: "Okay."


 * "My buddy Keith tried camping out on top of a building once. He was shooting crows, but the police were too busy tear gassin' him to ask what he was doin' up there. He screamed for an entire year every single time when he opened his eyes! Oh man! At first it was funny, then it just got sad, but then it got funny again! Oh man!"
 * "Man I love malls. I do. Once I was in this mall, up in Atlanta, and these guys were dancing for like money and stuff and my friend Dave and I was all..."
 * "Jimmy Gibbs, Jr. is the man. I mean I don't know anybody like that, man. But there was this guy I knew, he raced dirt tracks, not stock cars but open wheeled cars you know, and he was racing once and a goat..." *Survivors interrupt* "Okay, but there was a goat."
 * "I knew this guy who was trying to set the world record on staying on a Ferris wheel. He'd been up there for like, two days or something, and he wanted some beer, but they weren't givin' him any. So he got this rope--don't ask me where he got the rope from--"
 * "I ever tell you about the time me and Keith made a homemade bumper car ride with ridin' mowers in his backyard? Mower blade wounds over 90% of his body. I didn't run him over either, he somehow managed to fall under his own."
 * "I ever tell you about the time my buddy Keith drowned in the tunnel of love? You wouldn't think it could happen cause the water's so shallow, but that's how it gets you man. Overconfidence. Keith was with his lady at the time, and he was yellin' for her to save him, but she didn't want to get wet."
 * "I ever tell you about the time me and Keith snuck a paintball gun on a roller coaster? I never heard'a anybody else doin' it, so I thought we might'a invented a sport, so Keith called the patent office, but--"
 * "I ever tell you about the time my buddy Keith fell out the roller coaster? Yeah he didn't drop far, mind you, just onto the tracks, but the carnival people wouldn't stop the ride 'cause all the other people paid good money and Keith snuck on for free, so he had to dodge for like twenty minutes or so."
 * "I ever tell you about the time Keith and I made fireworks? Now, I didn't know shit about chemistry, but Keith figured, "Gasoline burns, doesn't it?" Third degree burns on ninety-five percent of his body. Man, people in the next city over were calling to complain about the smell of burning skin."
 * "I ever tell you about the time Keith tried to deep fry a turkey? Third degree burns over ninety percent of his body. His doctor called up, like, other doctors to look at him cause they'd never seen burns on top of existing burns--"
 * "Man, all this mud reminds me of my friend Keith. Yeah, he was goin' to build a shack once, to live in and all, and I know most people here, they build houses and they become shacks, but Keith, he was about jumpin' right to the shack stage. But he had no wood. So he got some mud and was makin' what we were all thinkin' was gonna be these adobe bricks, you know, like when them people out west made bricks and shit? Well, he had mud and..."
 * "I ever tell you about the time my buddy Keith got rolled by a 'gator in a swamp? Man he didn't agonize it or nothin', we were just tryin' to grab two so we could piss 'em off and get 'em into a fight. Well anyway the third time Keith went under I realized something was wrong so I--"
 * "I ever tell you about the time my buddy Keith drove his car off a cliff, broke both his legs? It's not a funny ha-ha story so much as a make-you-think story. For instance: windshields look pretty durable, right? Not the case, according to Keith. Son of a bitch flew right through that sucker--"
 * "Man, I ain't never been in a sugarcane field before. I mean, I've seen 'em an' all, but I've never had any reason to go in one. Now, you go in a peach grove, and you find all kinds of cool shit! Like this one time, I was in a--"
 * "I ever tell you about the time my buddy Keith and I were on the top of a burnin' building, and we had to fight our way down like five floors of zombies an - hey, wait a second...I guess that was you guys. Oh shit, man, I can't wait to tell Keith about that one!"
 * "Did I ever tell you guys about the time me and Keith filled up water balloons with our own--
 * I ever tell you about the time my buddy Keith fell down an open manhole? He was unconscious down there for like a week. Durin' that time, unbeknowst to Keith, they paved over him. Keith had to--"
 * [ In The Quarter safe house. ] "My buddy Keith lived in a graveyard once for a whole year -- it wasn't a dare or nothin', he just got kicked out of his house. He said he NEVER saw a single ghost 'cept for this one time when a ghost stabbed him from behind and took all his money, and he might've just been a homeless guy, 'cause he had a robe on with two eyes cut out his face."
 * [ In The Bridge safe room. ] "One time the army bombed my buddy Keith. He went camping and didn't bother to read the signs, and I guess they were just testing bombs that day. All sorts of stuff too, not just regular bombs. Like biological nerve gas bombs, shrapnel bombs, these bombs that break up in the air into like a hundred smaller bombs--"
 * "I ever tell you about the time me and Keith snuck into a Tunnel of Love? Man, if you get your spit thick enough, y'see, y'all can hang a loogie off the overhang, right, so when smoochin' sons of bitches behind you--"

Negative responses

 * "Well piss!"
 * "Aw hog-wash man!"
 * "Jesus, no man!"
 * "Ah, Lord!"
 * "That ain't right."
 * "Ain't that a load of SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!"

Health related

 * [ When healing] "Can somebody wait up? I'm gonna heal."
 * "Wait a second, I'm gonna heal."
 * "Can somebody watch my back? I'm gonna heal."
 * "Healing, cover me please!"
 * "Can y'all cover me? I gotta heal!"
 * "I hope to hell I'm doing this right."
 * [ When using the defibrillator ] "Clear!"
 * "C'mon, work work!"

After healing

 * "Oh yeah, (shakes self awake) oh yeah, oh yeah."
 * "That fixed me up real good."
 * "Much, much better now."
 * "Oooh yeah."

When healing a teammate

 * "Here ya go. I had no use for this anyhow, I ain't gonna get shot."
 * "Here, let me help ya. That's what friends are for."

When reviving a teammate

 * "I ain't leaving you, but you better get up!"
 * "Hang on there."
 * "Up we go."
 * "Get your ass up, NOW! C'MON!"

When low on health

 * "Oh man. Oh man oh man oh man oh man..."
 * "I think these zombies are tryin' to kill me."
 * "I ain't lying, this hurts."
 * "I'm not tryin' to curse myself, but I think I'm gonna die."
 * "Aw, hell no. Hell no."
 * "I'm all tuckered out..."
 * "This ain't in my plans..."
 * "This ain't right..."
 * "I could really go for a nap right now..."
 * "I got misery in my bones!"
 * "Y'all...y'all I hurt."
 * "Well, screw me. I'm not gonna make it."
 * [While Incapacitated] "Hey I need some help over here!"
 * "Help me out!"
 * "I can't make it on my own! Help me!"
 * "HE-EELP!!
 * "AHHHH!"

While falling to his death

 * "SORRY Y'ALL!!"
 * "GOODBYE!"
 * "HELP!"

After being revived

 * "Much obliged."

Rescue closet

 * "Oh, come on man! I'm gettin' bored up here. Get me out of here!"
 * "Hey...hey everybody, don't forget about me in here!"
 * "Help! HELP! HEEEELP!!"
 * "Okay, I triple-dog-dare you to rescue me!"
 * "Now hold on, you're not thinkin' of leavin' me in here, are you?"
 * "Could someone please get me out of here?"
 * "Hey guys, having fun out there without me?"

After being defibrillated

 * "OW, what the hell ya shockin' me for?"
 * "Was I dead? Good thing I didn't walk towards the light..."
 * "I was dead there? Oh man..."
 * "ARGH!"

When Coach dies

 * "Aw man Coach.."
 * "Oh Coach.. Thanks for all you've done, man."
 * "Goodbye Coach."
 * "You're a hell of a man Coach."
 * "Thanks Coach."
 * "Man, I was hoping me and Coach were gonna be friends."

When Nick dies

 * "Aw Nick.."
 * "Nick.. You were cool man.."
 * "Miss you Brother."
 * "Damn Nick.. Heh, we were just gettin' to be friends."
 * "Bet he didn't think he'd die before me."

When Rochelle Dies

 * "You be good Rochelle."
 * "Ro... I'mma miss you girl."
 * "I'll remember you in my prayers, Ro.."
 * "Hell of a girl, Ro."
 * "She was the last one I wanted to see go."

Note: Like all Survivors, when the Survivors are a good distance away from him, or if he's the only one still alive, Ellis will cry out for them. Unlike the other Survivors, he has a unique "bird-call" he might shout out.

Axe

 * (Chuckles and says quietly) "Look who has an axe..."
 * "I've always wanted to be an axe murderer!"
 * "Well, somebody just got themselves an axe."
 * (Chuckles) "I got an axe."

Baseball Bat

 * "I'm gonna beat these sonsabitches 'til I lose my watch!"
 * Despite what he says, Ellis actually has no watch.

Reloading

 * "I'ma reload."
 * "Hey, I'm reloading!"
 * "Gotta reload!"
 * "RELOADING!"

Machete

 * "Machete here."
 * "This feels right."

Frying Pan

 * "Spang!"
 * "Man, some zombie's gonna have a headache after this."
 * "Well somebody's gonna make them some zombie grits!"
 * "Frying pan...Yeah."

Pistol(s)

 * "Heck yeah. Goin' with two pistols."
 * "I'll grab that pistol!"

Shotgun

 * "This shotgun feels right. Real right."
 * "Grabbing the shotgun of Love!"

Assault Rifle

 * "This rifle right here got my name all over it."
 * "Man, I wanted this rifle since I was nine."

Sniper Rifle/Hunting Rifle

 * "I'm gonna be a sniper like in the movies."
 * "Imma' snipe some sons-a-bitches."

SMG

 * "Machine gun."
 * "I guess it'll do. Yeah, whatever, it's a machine gun."
 * "Yeah, I'll take it."

Chainsaw

 * "Man, if I lose my hand, I'm stitchin' this thing onto the stump."
 * "Ain't a problem in the world can't be solved with a chainsaw."

When rampaging with a chainsaw

 * "GET SOME, BABY! GET SOME!"
 * "DIE, DIE, MY DARLINGS! DIE, DIE, DIE!"
 * "YEEAAAAAHHHH" [proceeded with laughter]
 * "DIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!"

Explosive Ammo

 * "Deploying frag rounds!"
 * "I'm gonna grab some of these frag rounds!"
 * "Got some frag rounds here!"
 * "Got some explosive rounds right here!"

Katana

 * "Finally, all them karate lessons gonna pay off."
 * "Grabbing the ninja sword. Wish I'd brought my throwing stars."
 * "Grabbing the ninja sword. Anybody sees some nunchuks, gimme a holler."
 * "Grabbing the Ninja Sword of Love!"
 * "I'm gonna grab this katana."

Nightstick

 * "♪ Gonna beat me a zombie to death with a nightstick~ ♪"
 * " Nightstick..."

Crowbar

 * "Crowbars give you that personal touch you don't get with gun killin."

Cricket Bat

 * "I don't know, some sort of bat here."
 * "Got me a mind to do some paddlin."
 * "Bat thing here."

General

 * "Grabbin' a problem solver."
 * "Time to beat on some sons of bitches."
 * "Gonna beat me a zombie till there ain't a chunk big enough to hit."
 * "Man, I'm gonna beat these sons of bitches till my shirt turns red."

Molotov

 * "Mol'tov here!"
 * "Molotov."
 * "Mollie's mine."
 * "Grabbin' fire in a bottle, baby."
 * (Laughing) "Gonna' play with fire!"

Throwing

 * "Hey, fire's coming!"
 * "MOLOTOV COMING!"

Pipe Bomb

 * "Pipe bomb, baby."

Throwing

 * "Hey! Chase this!"


 * "Throwing a pipe bomb!"
 * "Pipe bomb on the way!"
 * "Chase this ya sons'a'bitches!"

Bile Bomb

 * "Jars are not a place for bodily functions."
 * "Bottle of puke here."
 * "Bi...le bomb here."
 * "Grabbin' a bile bomb!"
 * "Grabbin' a bile jar."
 * "I got a bile bomb here!"
 * "Grabbin' puke!"

Throwing

 * "Heads up, bile bomb!"
 * "Here comes some puke!"
 * "Bile bomb incoming!"
 * "Throwing a bile bomb"
 * "Here comes the bile, you sons of bitches!"
 * "Here's a bottle of...looks like puke."
 * "Heads up, zombies! It's about to RAIN!"
 * "All right, I ain't seen a good brawl in a while."
 * "Man, I hate zombies, but I LOVE watchin' 'em fight."
 * "Go git that Tank y'all!"
 * "Boomer puke right here."
 * "What the HELL, man? I'm gonna get killed here!"
 * "Don't throw that shit on me! That calls a horde!"
 * "Don't bomb me with the bile!"

Combat Knife

 * [Grabbing a Combat Knife(German game only see here)] "Grabbin' a bread slicer."

Rochelle makes a kill

 * "Well, goddamn Annie Oakley."

Nick makes a kill

 * "Whoa, Nick! Well... why doesn't it surprise me you're good with a gun?"

Coach makes a kill

 * "You nailed it, Coach!"
 * "Nice shot, Coach! Nailed it."

When seeing the Infected or someone gets hit

 * "Look out now!"
 * "Hey watch out!"

Riot Infected

 * "Aw, hell, now they're bulletproof?"
 * "Hey, you gotta spin 'em around if you want 'em dead!"
 * "Their backs ain't bulletproof!"
 * "Shoot that son of a bitch in the back!"

Clown

 * "That clown's bringing friends! Take him down!"
 * "Clowns? Clowns. Oh, you have got to be kidding me."
 * "Man, I've never been so scared of clowns."
 * "Hey, take out that clown!"

Mudmen

 * "Hey, look out! Mudmen, right there!"
 * "I tell ya, these mudmen take all the fun outta mud."
 * "I got a new thing I hate: Mud people!"

Fallen Survivor

 * "Hold on, that one dropped something."
 * "Whoa, whoa, whoa, what'd that one drop?"
 * "Hey, that one just dropped something, right there."

Jimmy Gibbs Junior

 * (wailing voice) "NOOOOOOO!!!!"

CEDA Worker

 * "Well, I'll be damned. Fireproof zombies."
 * "Watch out for the ones in the hazmat suits."

Spotted

 * "Smoker!"
 * "It's that nasty tongue thing!"
 * "Tonguer!"

Grabbed

 * "What the hell got me?!"
 * "Oh, I've been lassoed!"
 * "I can't move, help!"
 * "I'm gettin' dragged away!"
 * "Oh, where's this thing dragging me?"
 * "Mother f.....TONGUE!"
 * "NOOOOOOOO!"

Constricted

 * "Smoker's got me!"
 * "SMO - KER'S - GOT - ME!"
 * "SHOOT THE TONGUE!!"

Spotted

 * "CHARGER!"
 * "One-arm!"
 * "Hey, big-arm!"

Carried

 * "Its got me!"
 * "Byebyyyyyyyyyyyyyye!!!!!!!"

Pummeled

 * "CHARGER'S GOT ME!"
 * "Shoot the Charger, man, Shoot the Charger!"
 * "It's killin' me!"
 * "He's bashing me into shit!"
 * "Aw Hell, it's poundin' me to death!"
 * "Charger's rippin' me up!"
 * "Kill this thing!"
 * "Shoot the damn thing!"
 * "Just shoot it! SHOOT IT!"

Spotted

 * "Boomer!"
 * "Boomer! Boomer!"
 * "It's exploding guy!"
 * "It's that barfin' fat ass zombie!"
 * "Boomer- yea, Boomer!"
 * "PUKER!"

Vomited on

 * "Aw Hell! This sucks!"
 * "Ahhh! I can't see shit!"
 * "Christ in a Hand Basket! I'm gooed!"
 * "Ohh, Christ!"
 * "I'm all gooed!"

Spotted

 * "Hey, it's a Spitter!"
 * "One more hit with the ugly stick probably wouldn't hurt her."
 * "Man, I like these zombies better when they got clothes on."
 * "Damn, that is a nasty ass zombie."
 * "Sorry about that Nick, didn’t mean to kill your mom."
 * "That an ex-girlfriend of yours, Nick?"

Attacked

 * [ When the Spitter is about to spit ] "HEADS UP!"
 * "GOO INBOUND!"
 * [ When spat on by a Spitter ] "YUCK! Spitter goo!"
 * "I got Spitter shit on me."
 * "Ah, hell, man, Spitter goo."
 * "Move man, I'm in Spitter shit!"

Heard

 * "We got a Hunter!"
 * "I hear a Hunter around.
 * "Careful. Hunter."

Spotted

 * "HUNTER, HUNTER, HUNTER!"
 * "JUMPER!"
 * "HOODIE DUDE!"

Pounced

 * "GET HIM OFF!"
 * "GET 'IM OFF! GET 'IM OFF ME!"
 * "GET HIM OFF ME DAMMIT!!

Heard

 * "Dude, I hear one of them Back Humpers around."
 * "Hey watch your back, Jockey 'round here."
 * "Now that's just offensive, what those little guys do."

Spotted

 * "We got a Jockey!!"
 * "JOCKEY!"
 * "Little guy, little guy!"
 * "Back humper!"

Attacked

 * "GET - THIS - THING - OFF - ME!"
 * "Is this thing humping me?!"
 * "OW! GET.....!"
 * "SUMBITCH IS ON MY BACK!"
 * "GET HIM OFF!
 * "It ain't right havin' this thing on me!"
 * "That's just humiliating."

Heard

 * "Y'all better kill ya lights."
 * "I'm not - I'm not going near the crying girl."
 * "I don't like the sound of that crying."
 * "Seriously, I'm thinkin' we should just leave the crying girl alone."
 * "A crying girl - you think she's cryin' 'cause the mall closed down?"
 * "Dude, she don't sound happy."
 * "Let's not go by the crying girl."
 * "Aw, a Witch."
 * "Witch, Witch, Witch."

Startled

 * "Run! I pissed her off!"
 * "Witchwitchwitch!"
 * “Don't mess with the damn Witch."
 * “Back away from that Witch."
 * “Tell ya, man, y'all playin' with fire when you messin' with that damn Witch."
 * "Oh shit man, that Witch is a spaz!"
 * “That Witch is having a hissy fit."
 * “COMING THROUGH! WITCH ON MY ASS!!"
 * "Out of my way, man, Witch coming!!"
 * "Shoot her, SHOOT HER!"

Spotted

 * "What in the hell is that?"
 * "Oh Lordy! Big ass thing!"
 * “Are guns even gonna work against that thing?"
 * “Holy shit, look at that big thing!"
 * “That is a big ass zombie."
 * “Hey, keep shooting, keep shooting!"
 * “Light that mother up!"
 * "Tank, Tank!
 * "TANK! RUN! no, no, no, don't run...SHOOT!"

Dead Center

 * "Hey guys, according to this map New Orleans is the last city standing."
 * "These don't look like no Savannahites I ever seen."
 * "I can understand that, man needs his snacks. (quietly) Man this guy's weird."
 * "Sir, in exchange for the use of your weapons, I will get you some cola."
 * "Cola for guns, I think this is like the reverse of what my school did."
 * "Hey, I know a gun shop where near here where we can get some real weapons."
 * "My name is Ellis, some people call me El. But I really prefer Ellis 'cause El kinda sounds like a girl's name. But if you prefer to call me El, I guess you can."
 * "This some sorta nightmare? God damn zombie apocalypse and shit. Shit, shit, shit. What the hell we gonna do?"
 * [ Seeing a Tank on Dead Center ] "Do guns even do anything to that thing?!"
 * [ Seeing the Infected for the first time ] "Dude those zombies are REAL. I knew them books were non-fiction."
 * "Now hold on. You been makin' jokes about Savannah all day long and I've held my tongue. But don't belittle Jimmy Gibbs, Jr. That man is the pride of Georgia."
 * "That's Jimmy Gibbs, Jr. The greatest driver ever to climb into a stock car."
 * "That right there, ladies and gentlemen, is Mr. Jimmy Gibbs, Jr.!"
 * "That man is an American hero."
 * "If the laws of nature would allow it, I would bear that man's children"
 * "Aw, hell. I coulda got my picture taken with Jimmy Gibb's stock car? I HATE this apocalypse."
 * "Jimmy Gibbs got my vote."
 * "Let's go find Jimmy Gibb's stock car. We get that thing gassed up, we can drive outta here."
 * "So I been thinking. Jimmy Gibb's stock car's around here somewhere. We just gotta find it, gas it up, and I'll drive that thing to New Orleans my damn self."
 * (After noticing infected Jimmy Gibbs Jr.) NOOOOOOO!!!
 * "I've got an idea. You know them posters we been seein? Get your picture taken with Jimmy Gibb's stock car? That means it's HERE. We just need to appropriate it, and we got ourselves an escape vehicle."
 * "I've got an idea. Jimmy Gibbs, Jr. ain't gonna mind if we borrow his stock car. He's a very generous man."
 * "Only if I get killed. Otherwise you better kill me, cause I'M driving."
 * "Wherever he is, Coach-he's proud of you."
 * "Not me. That man's like a father to me."
 * "Man I feel like I'm gassin' up royalty."
 * "This is... such an honor."
 * "Man, never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd be gassin' up Jimmy Gibbs's car."
 * "Jimmy Gibbs, Jr. I will do this for you."
 * "I'm gonna be drivin' you reeeeaaal soon, girl."
 * "I reckon it's headed to the mall. There's an evacuation center there. Grab some weapons and I'll lead the way."
 * "That chopper looks like it's headin' to the evac center over at the mall."
 * "Looked like the whirly-bird was headin' to the mall across town. And I'll call it what I like, fancy suit."
 * "Maybe the evac center's a little deeper into the mall?"
 * Nick: "Ugh, damn I hate malls!"


 * "Folks call me Ellis. I run an auto shop around here. Instead of evacuatin', I armored up a truck to drive myself out of here. Built that thing to be zombie proof."
 * "Turns out it was only ninety-nine percent zombie proof. The last one percent tore that truck to SHIT."
 * "Hey, come on, now! Quarrelin' amongst ourselves ain't solvin' nothing. Anyway, I think the building's on fire. Maybe we should get movin'."
 * "I'm gonna kill zombies with this gun, or no, this one, or... shit man, there's a lot of choices in here.
 * "Ugh, only the best stock car racer who ever lived, Nick. Guess you don't read much history."
 * "Only the greatest stock car racer of all time. Try readin' a book sometime."
 * "Aw, shit, we missed him? You know what, thats it, these zombies have just made themselves an enemy."
 * "Looks like we'll have to get out of the city on our own."
 * "Everyone grab a weapon. Better to have one and not need it than need one and not have it."

Dark Carnival
Ellis: "Sorry guys, guess this wasn’t such a hot idea after all."
 * Nick: “I hate to be the bearer of bad-news guys, but unless Ellis knows how to build a monster truck, we ain't driving through this."
 * Nick: “God damn you, Jimmy Gibbs, Jr.!”

Ellis: “Now that’s not cool, Nick.” [ An alternative line ] "Now that was just uncalled for. Serious."
 * [ Beginning of Dark Carnival ] "Sorry folks. This car is capable of miracles, but it can't drive over 20 miles of parked cars. I think we're walkin'."
 * [ Beginning of Dark Carnival ] Hey guys, can I get a minute. Alone. With the car. I got some things I want to say.
 * [ To the stock car ] "You are the most beautiful thing I have ever sat between... I love you..."
 * [ After shooting several stuffed elephants ] "I think I might win somethin'..."
 * "Into the swan maintenance room of love!"
 * "Into the blasted out hole of love!"
 * [ During the 2nd stage of Dark Carnival, upon seeing the sign leading into Kiddie land ] "Holy SHIT, guys, KIDDIE LAND!"


 * Coach: "I swear, doesn't it sometimes feel like we're babysitting?"
 * Nick: "He's like a five year old with guns. And a comprehensive grasp of every swear word in the English language."
 * Rochelle: "I wish I could be that happy.....oh what the heck! WHOOO KIDDIE LAND!!!!"


 * [ During the 2nd stage of Dark Carnival, upon seeing the sign leading into Kiddie land ] "Check it out--Kiddie Land!"
 * "Ain't nobody been swimmin' in this pool for a while."
 * "Dude, they got the park all lit up!"
 * "People got to be in that park."
 * "Coach, you're breathing a little hard, you okay?"
 * "Look at those poor people. All they wanted to do was go for a swim."
 * "I never once thought a merry-go-round would turn on me."
 * "I mean, what is this world coming to when you dread a merry-go-round?"
 * "Can we stop and make some cotton candy? Seriously."
 * "I saw 'em in '07. Front row center! Lost both my eyebrows."
 * "I heard you can see the show from SPACE!"
 * "I heard they have to cancel the show if there's a breeze, 'cause any town downwind'll catch on fire!"
 * "Stay on That Mountain! First single off their Ten Past Midnight album. I love that song."
 * "Uh, yeah, they're a pretty big deal, all right."
 * "Man, would you look at all these rides? And no LINES! Wish we weren't in such a hurry."
 * "It's like we bought the park and got every ride to ourselves! That's the third thing I was gonna do if I ever won the lottery."
 * "I wanna ride one! Just one! Just lemme ride the Screaming Oak once. Man, when we ever gonna be here again?"
 * "Man, how can you not like Li'l Peanut? I love this little guy!"
 * "You guys are jaded. I used to have his toys when I was just bite-sized. That little stuffed peanut was the best friend a boy could have."
 * "One thing video games have taught me, good shit always comes in vents."
 * [ When entering the tunnel of love ] "Dang, look at Nick's jacket."
 * "This ain't that kinda ride, Nick. (Whisper) This is where you make out with your girlfriend."
 * "We have to run The Coaster? Holy shit, it's Christmas!"
 * "Aw man, that's the Screaming Oak!"
 * "Dude, If we had my monster truck we could drive over all this."
 * "What next? Dinosaurs flying down from the sky and shooting lasers out of their eyes?"
 * [ After Coach explains the plan in Stage 5 ] "So we gotta set up to rock and then fight zombies? This is the best day of my life!"
 * "And that'll signal the chopper pilot! Man, this is gonna be like the...fourth time the Midnight Riders have saved my life!"
 * [ When Ellis stands in front of the microphone ] "Every lady's crazy when her daddy's not around...gotta reach for the top, stay on the mountain..."
 * "I always wanted to run to a helicopter during a guitar solo! Just like in a music video!"

Swamp Fever

 * [ Start of the campaign ] "Nick what the hell, you shot the pilot."
 * Nick: "Well he wasn't doing a very good job once he became a zombie now was he?"

Ellis: "True true, but he was also our only pilot."
 * [ Start of the campaign ] "Oh man, that was some crazy shit! Nick, you are a man of ACTION!"
 * Nick: "I can't believe none of you were going to shoot him."


 * [ While traveling on the cable ferry ] "Coach? Any inspirational words while we enter the swamp?"
 * Coach: "Though I walk, through the valley of the shadow of death..."

Ellis: "Yeah! I'm walk'n in that valley'n I'm kick'n some ass!"
 * [ While traveling on the cable ferry ] "Man, if you ask me these swamp people got it all figured out. No cops, no rules..."
 * Rochelle: "No indoor plumbing."

Ellis: "They figured out how to stop going to the bathroom? That's AMAZING. Ohhhhh. No, wait. Oh, I just got that. Shit, that's gross as hell."
 * Rochelle: "Ellis? Does your tattoo mean anything?"
 * Ellis: "Oh this here? That says I'm a bad ass zombie killing machine."
 * Rochelle: ["sarcastically"] "Wow. You must have amazing foresight to have gotten that."


 * "Hey y'all be honest, are my muscles getting bigger?"
 * [When Ellis first spot's the plane] "Well... At least we know where the Parachutist came from..."
 * [ Before the emergency door event starts at The Swamp ] "Somebody's gotta open this door."
 * "Oh yeah, I know plenty about swamps. Full of bugs and gators and snakes...and zombies now."
 * Ellis: "Listen up everybody. Be on the lookout for blood farmers. I'm serious."
 * Rochelle: "Boy what the hell are you talking about?

Ellis: "Duh? Farmers that don't grow crops, they grow PEOPLE, to EAT."


 * Nick: "Jesus Christ Ellis like the Goddamn zombies aren't bad enough." (Also heard when Ellis shoots Nick.)


 * "This one time, I was on a tour boat and they fed chickens to the gators."
 * "Hoohoo! Apocalypse, my ass! We're livin' in the best shooting range of ALL TIME!"
 * "Yeah. I mean not so much thinking about the gators as I'm wishing we had some BBQ chicken right now."
 * "Smells like a raccoon died in a diaper factory."
 * [ On ferry in the Plank Country ] "Hey, Nick? Did you know I used to have a suit just like yours once?"
 * Nick: "Pfft"/"Oh, really?"
 * Ellis: "Yeah. First communion in second grade. Don't think it fits anymore."
 * Coach: "Ho ho, yeah boy! Look at you, givin' him shit right back!"/ "Nick, just ignore the boy."

Hard Rain

 * [ Passing many Witches in the Sugar Mill ] "Shit...I'm about to start crying in a minute."
 * "Nick, you ever seen so many Witches? Ho-lee shit!"
 * [When looking down at the gas station in Hard Rain] "Alright, there's the gas station, all we gotta do is pass through this cane field."
 * [ Responding to Rochelle's comment about an incoming storm ] "Nobody wander off!"
 * [ Seeing flooded town in Hard Rain. ] "It's the God damn city of Atlantis" ALTERNATE LINE: "It's like a fabled city of Atlantis"
 * [When the rain begins in Milltown] "Is it raining? Oh never mind, it is."

The Waterfront

 * "That Virgil is a goddamn hero going back there when we are so close. Let's get to that bridge... for Virgil."
 * "Jets. Jets mean people!"
 * [ When sees a alarmed car ] "Ya'll better not shoot the car."
 * [Upon seeing the buses at the bus station] "Did I ever tell you guys about the time my grandpa took me on a bus to Memphis to visit Graceland, and we--"
 * Nick: "Ellis, Ellis! We don't have time for that right now!"
 * Ellis: "Okay. But I do love goin' on bus rides."

[Alternate line] "You ain't never been to Graceland, Nick? Man, y'all should've come, we had so much fun!" [Alternate line] "All right, Nick. But how about this, did ya know Graceland ain't nothin' but a little house in the ghetto."
 * "I love camping, but this here don't look fun."
 * "This here doesn't look like a fun campout."

The Park
Nick: "Ever eaten horse? It's tasty."
 * [ When he sees the statue of Andrew Jackson ] "Man, I wish we had a horse right now. I loooove horses."
 * Ellis: "Who ain't right in the head now?"

[ An alternative line ] "Horses are for ridin', not eatin', Nick."
 * Ellis: "Horse!"
 * Nick: "Nice observation, Ellis."

The Cemetery

 * "God damn! Another one just went off!"
 * [If he shoots an alarmed car in the impound lot] "That was definitely not me."
 * "I'll tell you what'd be real bad right now. A Tank."
 * "Do you know why they bury them above ground?"
 * "They bury them like this cause they're under sea level."
 * "It's like a whole city of crypts."
 * "It's a little city of graves."
 * "Man, look at that helicopter."
 * "Why'd you think it crashed?"
 * "All these alarm cars, it's like a puzzle!"
 * "WELL FINE THEN, THERE, I'LL SHOOT A DAMN CAR!"
 * "Oh man, I hope we don't see no ghosts."
 * Nick: "Ellis, you're carrying like ten different guns."
 * Ellis: "You can't shoot a ghost, Nick. I mean, shit, it ain't rocket science, man."


 * "I guess we're gonna visit that graveyard, it's kinda spooky."
 * "I guess we're gonna have to visit that graveyard."
 * "Whoa! That was cool and all but shit!"
 * [When going through The Cemetery] "Man, if these were real zombies, going into this graveyard would be like death."
 * "Don't trolls live under here?"
 * "They're infected."

The Quarter
Ellis: "I dunno. Smells kinda nice."
 * "Hey, Nick? They can't hear you, because they're in jet planes."
 * [ When approaching toilets on Parish ] Coach: "Aww, man, stinks 'a piss... "
 * Coach: [reading notice]"Report the sick..."
 * Ellis: "Report the sick?"
 * Rochelle: "Don't worry Ellis, they mean the flu, not in the head."


 * [ After the Survivors have been dropped off by Virgil ] "Thanks brotha'."

Friendly Fire

 * [ When shot ] "Man, why you shooting me? Shoot zombies, not me!"
 * "Ya know, shooting me ain't gonna help nothin'."
 * "Damn, this is not funny!"
 * "Stop shooting me, it won't help you anyway."
 * "Do that again and I'll knock you into next week."
 * "C'mon, watch it! Daaamn!"
 * "I'm not a zombie. Shoot the zombies."
 * "Whoa, Whoa that hurts!"
 * "What was that for?"
 * "That's not cool...Seriously.
 * "Hey those bullets hurt you know."
 * "Why in the hell y'all keep shooting me?"
 * [ When being shot by Rochelle] "Come on girl, I thought we were closer than that."
 * "Come on, it's not funny anymore!"
 * "I know you shot me."
 * "Sorry, sun was in my eyes."
 * "I'm not a zombie, man, shoot the zombies."

Scavenge

 * [ Upon a Scavenge match start ] "Go, go, go, go, go, grab some gas!"
 * [ Upon picking up a gas can in a Scavenge match ] "Got it!"
 * "I got one."
 * [ After winning a Scavenge match ] "YEAH GET SOME, BABY GET SOME!"
 * [ After winning a Scavenge match ] "I ain't no goddamn son of a bitch! You better think about THAT baby!"