Francis/Quotes and Captions

A list of Francis' Quotes and cut quotes, also known as Captions in Left 4 Dead.

Intro

 * [ As Bill inspects the mysterious green goo ] "Jeez, don't let that stop you from smearing it all over yourself."
 * "Goddamn it Bill! Oh, it stinks!"
 * [ After Helping Bill up ] "Merry Christmas."
 * [ Waiting for the Tank to come around a corner ] "Come on. Come on!"

General

 * "Everybody havin' as much fun as me?"
 * "Killin' vampires looked easier in the brochure didn't it?"
 * "Watch your ass!"
 * "Any zombie fight you can crawl away from means you won it."
 * "Is anyone there? Marco!"
 * "We're almost there!"
 * [ Nervously humming ] "One hundred bottles of beer on the wall, one hundred bottles of beer...kill a zombie, chug it down, ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall. mmmm-mmm-mmmmm-mmninety-nine bottles of beer, kill another zombie..."
 * "Whoah. Nice shot."
 * "I hate lawyers. When are they gonna get done practicing law?"
 * "A-frickin'-men."
 * "Personally I'm happy to keep fighting, but YOU ladies might wanna lock the door!"
 * [ When everyone is in the safe room ] "Lock the goddamn door!" (Note: The captions say: "goddman")
 * [ Nearing a safe room ] "Safe house, let's go!
 * [ When arriving in a finale ] "We're almost there!"
 * "See, I told you I'd get us out of here!"
 * "Now, there's a sight for sore eyes, huh? Looks like we're gonna make it kids!"
 * "Hey, we're almost outta this shit-hole. I told you I'd get you outta here!"
 * "This way kids!"
 * "I'm comin' Bill, keep your beard on!"
 * "Most people do anything if a cop tells 'em to."
 * "If we meet anyone, tell 'em we're cops."
 * [ In response to a generic how long remark, generic ] "Long enough to know you have a pretty mouth."

The following are lines used on the PC "commands" and "responces" lists when (by default) typing Z or X.

"Yes" responses

 * "Roger that, good buddy."
 * "That sounds about right."

"No" responses

 * "No."
 * "No can do."
 * "No sir-ee bob"

"Arrgh" responces

 * "F-ing hell!"

"Wait" responses

 * "I'm tired of running from these pussies."

"Let's go" commands

 * "Let's go break stuff!"
 * "Let's go kill something!"
 * "Get your rear in gear!"
 * "HOLY SHIT! RUUUUUNNNN!"

"Lead on" commands

 * "I'll follow you."

"Look" commands

 * "Check this shit out.
 * "Well hell! Look at this!"
 * "What the hell is this?"

Health related

 * "Someone should use their health pack."
 * "Zoey, darlin', you should heal up."
 * "Bill, can I borrow your medkit? I just want to look at it."
 * "Louis, don't bogart that health kit, man. I'm hurt!
 * "Hey, little lady, if you ain't gonna use that health kit, could I use it?"
 * [ Inside safe-room ] "That old man wouldn't leave one of us out there."
 * [ After healing another Survivor ] "I told you I'd take care of you!"
 * "Yeah, I'm pretty awesome."
 * [ Upon being helped up after being incapacitated ] "Yeah... good thing I'm indestructible."
 * "Ugh... How's my face?"
 * "Shit! I hope I don't need all that blood."
 * [ On low health ] "I don't mean to sound like a... sissy, but... I'm pretty hurt."
 * "Ugh... this is starting to get to me."
 * "Even my ass hurts!"
 * "I feel like shit!"
 * "I'm feelin' pretty shitty... and a little woozy... Ugh... Well, the woozy's kinda fun."
 * "Uhh... I don't feel so good..."
 * "I ain't doin' so good..."
 * "Shit, this just hurts."
 * "I'm - pretty hosed."
 * "Ugh - killed by vampires, what a goddamned disgrace!"
 * "I've - I've felt better."
 * "Man... I feel like you guys look!"
 * "This is turning into one of those days."
 * "Hey Louis, you look like shit!"
 * [ Helping someone up ] "Get your ass up, let's go!"
 * [ When helping up an incapacitated Survivor ] "Come on, lazy. We can't have you laying around all day, we gotta get movin'. Here, lemme get you up."
 * [ When helping up an incapacitated Survivor on their last life ] "I can get you up, but oh shit, we gotta get you some first aid, cuz you go down like this again and it's over."
 * [ Grabbing pills ] "Hey, a little pick me up."
 * [ Giving pills away ] "Merry Christmas."
 * "Share the wealth, brother."
 * [ When healing himself ] "Watch my back! But don't stare at my ass."
 * [ If Bill dies ] "Goodbye old man..."
 * [ Upon seeing Bills body ] "Rest in peace, old man."
 * [ Upon seeing Louis body ] "The manager is down for the count."
 * "I was just starting to like that guy."
 * (sadly) "Damnit, he didn't deserve this..."
 * [ Upon seeing Zoey's body ] "Oh God, not Zoey."
 * [ If Louis is left incapacitated outside the safe room ] "We're just leaving Louis out there? I mean... I'm cool with that... if, everyone else is."
 * "We just leaving Louis out there?"
 * [ If Zoey is incapacitated outside a safe room and no one is helping her ] We can not leave her out there!
 * [ If Bill is incapacitated outside a safe room and no one is helping him ] "We just leavin' Bill out there?"
 * "He isn't going to make it on his own, we have to help him!"
 * "I guess we go on without Bill then?"
 * "So, we're just leavin' him out there?"
 * "That old man wouldn't leave one of us out there!"
 * [ If he is incapacitated outside safe room while everyone else is in ] "Get the hell outta there and HELP ME!"
 * "Are you gonna freaking help me?!"
 * "Yer going to leave me out here?"

Weapon related

 * [ Grabbing pipe bomb ] "Ha-ha, great! Home-made explosives."
 * "This'll blow some shit up."
 * [  Picking up shotgun] "Shotgun! Alright folks, I'm on crowd control."
 * "I'll take this room sweeper."
 * [ Upon picking up an auto shotgun or Submachine Gun ] "Heh, full auto. Everybody stand back."
 * Francis: "Groovy."
 * Zoey: [Imitation] "Groovy."


 * Francis: "Groovy."
 * Louis/Zoey: [Short laugh]
 * Francis: "What's so funny? It is groovy."


 * "Come to daddy, my sweet shotgun."
 * "Now this is a shotgun I can love."
 * "Huh! Now this shotgun is more my style."
 * [ Grabbing pistol ] "A little double pistol action."
 * "Double my fun."
 * "Two pistols... Hell yeah!"
 * [ Grabbing a hunting rifle ] "Now that is a sweet-ass scope."
 * [ Grabbing an assault rifle ] "This oughtta put the fear of God in 'em!"

Infected related

 * [ Responding to a nearby Witch ] "Hear that Witch? I'll give her something to cry about ..."
 * "A Witch! (sniffs) And she's close."
 * [ When a Witch growls ] "You got a death wish? Leave that Witch alone!"
 * [ Responding to a nearby Hunter ] "Yeah, you better hide! Sweatshirt wearin' little wuss..."
 * "I hear a Hunter. Come on out wussy..."
 * [ Responding to a nearby Smoker ] "Smoker. Hah, he's gonna have to use that tongue to choke my foot out of his ass."
 * (sing-song')' "Sounds like a Smoker."
 * [ Responding to a nearby Boomer ] "Hear that Boomer? I'm gonna kill his ass."
 * [ Being attacked by a Tank ] "Shit, I need some help."
 * "This thing's killing me!"
 * "Get this thing off me!"
 * "I got a Tank on me!"
 * [ Puked on ] "Holy Jesus! That's bad!"
 * [ Responding to zombies not vampires ] "Yeah whatever you say professor monster."
 * "Where the hell did all these vampires come from?"
 * [Responding to an angry witch] "Stop spooking that effin' witch!"

No Mercy

 * Francis: Eugh, which one of you jackasses just beefed?
 * Zoey: Oops, sorry!


 * [ When Bill mentions about shooting him if he turns ] "What if just your beard starts to turn? Can I shoot that?"
 * Francis: I'm not gonna let those goddamn vampires beat me.
 * Bill/Louis: They're zombies, Francis.
 * Francis: Whatever!


 * [ When Bill mentions he has a bad feeling about the hospital ] "Hey, look on the bright side; if you don't make it, I'll still be really handsome!"
 * Zoey/Bill: Francis, is there anything you don't hate?
 * Francis: You know what I don't hate? I don't hate vests.


 * [ When Zoey says that the helicopter pilot had better be there ] "If he ain't, at least we die with a nice view of the city."
 * [ If two Survivors die ] "You and me gotta find some tougher friends."
 * "Just two of us left! Shit!"
 * "Two of us left! Alright, we can still do this."
 * "Chopper's here, let's go!"

Crash Course

 * [ Upon seeing the pilot's corpse ] Hey Zoey, here's the pilot, in case you wanna shoot him again.
 * Zoey: He was a ZOMBIE, Francis!


 * [ When approaching the moving van across from the warehouses exit ] "See. An Alley."
 * [ When a horde is approaching during Crash Course ] "They're comin! Zoey, pretend they are helicopter pilots!"
 * Zoey: Zombie, Francis! He. Was. A. ZOMBIE!

Zoey: "You what?" [Real concern] "Francis, are you all right?" Francis: "Yeah, must've hit my head during the crash. I'm okay now. I hate helicopters." Zoey: "Heh, farting." Zoey: "Man, I just love steam" Francis: "Yeah, It's all right, I guess."
 * [ At the beginning of Crash Course ] "Man, I just love helicopters. Just love 'em."
 * [ When passing large fuel tanks ] "Hey Zoey, we're passing gas!"
 * [ Passing steaming pipe ] "Hey, watch out for that goddamn steam pipe."
 * [ At the large quantities of recycle bins ] "Thanks for saving the planet, recyclers. Mission accomplished."
 * [ At the beginning of Crash Course ] "Goddammit! Where'd they buy this helicopter, anyway? The... Um... Hold on."
 * Zoey: The shitty pilot store?"
 * Francis: "Yeah. Stupid helicopter!"


 * "What have you got to say about this, Mr. Positive?"
 * Louis: "We're walking away from it, aren't we?." Francis: "Yeah, I guess so."/"I bet we don't see any more witches from now on. Anyone wanna bet me?"


 * "Well we crashed. Got anything positive to say about that, Louis?"
 * Louis: "That was my first time in a helicopter... It was pretty exciting."
 * Francis: "Yeah, I guess I'll give ya that one."


 * "Hey Louis. Your fancy college teach ya how to fix a helicopter?"
 * "Louis? I bet your not so positive now, huh Mr. Sunshine?"
 * Louis: "You know what Francis? You can take moustache, your vest, and your chaps, and go find yourself a parade."
 * Francis: "[Gumbling] I don't see whats so wrong with vests."


 * "See? We crashed. Told ya we were doomed. Pay up"
 * Louis: "Why would you bet that we were doomed?"
 * Francis: "It's money in the bank. Remind me to teach you more about gambling, Louis."


 * "Zoey? Next time someone offers us a ride, don't shoot them.
 * "This sign says "I hate Mondays.". Tell me about it! I hate Mondays! Unless it's lasagna Monday. I love lasagna."
 * "I use to work at Hersch. Until some guy started making fun of my little brown shorts and I beat him to death."
 * [ approaching the first Safe House ] Riverside? Aww, I hate Canada.
 * Zoey/Louis: Canada? Francis, we're in Pennsylvania.
 * Francis: Guess I've been hatin' Riverside all this time for nothin' then.


 * "Is that how helicopters are suppose to land?"

Death Toll

 * [ When entering the tunnel ] "Fantastic. A tunnel."
 * Bill: Don't be an ass, Francis.


 * [ Noticing a sign warning of deer crossing at The Turnpike ] "Uh-oh, watch out! Deer around here."
 * [ To Church Guy ] "We're cops! Open up!"
 * "Man, I don't think that cop thing worked..."
 * "Let's see, I'm Francis, that's Grandpa Bill and...there's zombies out here! Open the goddamn door!"
 * Francis: "Have a heart, we got a helpless old man with us!"
 * Bill: Hey!


 * "I'm gonna tear that bell down and shove it up your ass!"
 * "Everyone but us is either a zombie or an asshole."
 * "Listen, candy pants, we can make you open that goddamn door."
 * "If we live through this, I'm gonna frickin' KILL that guy!"
 * [ After Louis has stated that Riverside is a bust, and they should get to the river ]
 * Francis: That's better than my plan.
 * Bill: What was that?
 * Francis: I didn't have one.


 * [ When answering the radio in Death Toll ] "Attention boat owners! We are the cops! I command you to pick us up!"

Dead Air

 * "This is the most sober I've ever been in an airport."
 * "The sad thing is, this is only the second worst time I've ever had in an airport."
 * "'God is dead', huh? Well join the damn club."
 * "Don't everybody start the crane all at once!"
 * "The whole damn city is on fire!"
 * "It figures the only thing in the damn city NOT on fire is the one thing we need to burn down."
 * "Let's get up that ladder!"
 * "We oughtta get back on the rooftops."
 * "Ah shit. That half-a plane ain't real encouraging."
 * [ When starting the The Construction Site's Crescendo Event ] "Heh, hot shot."
 * "Our dumpster has arrived. Let's go, ladies!"

Blood Harvest

 * [ Upon seeing the first picnic table in The Woods ] "You're tellin' me people camp fer fun?"
 * [ Realizes radio is just a tape rather than live ] "Goddamn tape looped piece of shit, I hate the Army." or "Screw the goddamn army.", "I love the Army!", or sometimes, "I forgive you Army, I love you guys!" [ APC arrives ]
 * "That is one creepy ass house."
 * "You gotta be shittin' me! We walked a hundred miles to fight five million vampires!"
 * [ When answering the radio in Blood Harvest ] "Attention army! This is- *clears throat* -the cops!"

Friendly Fire

 * "Dammit. Stop. Shooting. Me."
 * "Do that again, and you're gonna be firing that thing out of your ass!"
 * "Shoot me again, and I'm gonna kick your ass!"
 * "That. Hurt!"
 * "Ya know? I would appreciate it if you'd stop shooting me!"
 * "Monsters all over the damn place and you gotta shoot me?!"
 * [ When shot by Bill ] "OW! You havin' some kind of flash back, old man?"
 * "Nice shot, Bill, that was my ass!"
 * "Watch yer fire, Old Man."

Cut lines
There are some unused lines that can only be found in the game's caption document.


 * "Louis, try not to blow up the helicopter..."
 * "I already pressed the damn button."
 * "Yeah, it'll probably come quicker if ya keep pressin it."
 * "So, how's yer beard holdin' up, Bill?"
 * "Hit the button!"
 * "Hey jackass, I already pressed the damn button."


 * "Listen, the government's got a hate-free zone up north... I'm kidding, the military's got a stronghold up there and they're killing anything that walks funny. Railroad tracks should take us right there."
 * "I knew that idiot couldn't fly a plane. Everybody in one piece?"
 * "Is Arnold in there?"
 * "Never mind, I forgot, you guys are like 10 years old. 'Cept you, Bill."
 * "Yo, you in the monkey suit, hit the power."
 * "God DAMN I hate electric fences."
 * "Nice, they electrified the fence."
 * "Louis, what's scarier: Zombies or goin' back to work in an office?"
 * "Bet you kids cross shit like this for fun."
 * "There's a safe house back here!"
 * "Nice day for a picnic."
 * "Bridge's out. Terrific."
 * "Maintenance corridor up here!"
 * "These things are a real frickin' maze. I hate mazes."
 * "Hey, Pointdexter, hit the power."
 * "Watch out for that fence."
 * "Woaah, fried."
 * "Start the engine."
 * "Hey, unhook that car."
 * "Get that thing moving!"
 * "Track's blocked again. Looks like they curve around that hill."
 * "Let's hump our asses over the hill."
 * "Someone get the gate."
 * "Open the gate!"
 * "Across the bridge, GO!"
 * "That's some fire power!"
 * "Well, I'm callin' em, this is it."
 * "Somethin's not right..."
 * "What's this shit?"
 * "I don't like this..."
 * "These guys better not take long. I've had it."
 * "Fried zombies..."
 * "Hey, fried zombies... tasty."
 * "You got a better plan?"


 * "You really made that crane your bitch, Zoey."
 * "Sir, Terry's dead. And we're cops."
 * "Listen, asshole, I can fly the plane!"
 * "Terry didn't make it, pal."
 * "Let's head through this grow room."
 * "Nice crane technique, Louis!"
 * "Well, we're here, we may as well look for a plane."
 * "We need to get downstairs."
 * "Big pile a' luggage. Lotta good it did em."
 * "Maybe your belt buckle set that off.
 * "Get outta the damn metal detector!"
 * "Why would the army bomb the airport?"
 * "We need to be on the other side of that pile a' crap."
 * "What do you mean it's just like the army?"
 * "You think my belt buckle set it off?"
 * "Here's a crazy idea: What if we send the van into that pile of junk?"
 * "Holy shit... that wasn't our plane was it?"
 * "I'm a little scared of flyin' now."
 * "What's the chance that'll happen twice in a row?"
 * "Jesus, it looks like a bomb went off here. A few bombs."
 * "*That* plane looks okay."
 * "What the hell happened to this place?"
 * "Somebody really blew this place to Hell..."
 * "Don't make me come over there and open up a can of whoopass."
 * "You just make sure the damn thing is ready to fly."


 * "I don't HATE bats, but I do not like them."
 * "Gunfire! Somebody's still alive in Riverside!"
 * "We're not infected! I just have herpes!"
 * "Sorry lady, we're takin' yer husband's offer."
 * "If we find a way to the surface, we can get to Riverside."
 * "Watch out for bats!"
 * "Come on, this tunnel is a little creepy"
 * "Ew. I hate caca."
 * "Riverside's to our right."
 * "I hate vomit."
 * "I love my vest."
 * "Hey - not on the vest!"
 * "Who are you?"
 * "So long, Riverside.


 * "Beer."
 * "Zoey, stop checkin' me out."
 * "You were at the battle of Hue?"
 * "I'm kidding. I have no idea what that is."
 * "Nice park job."
 * "Beats standin' around in a forest. Let's go."
 * "Ooh, another great park job."
 * "Barricades, huh? Wonder how *that* worked out for 'em?"
 * "Why would you think that?"
 * "You kids and your stupid movies."
 * "Is that another line from a movie?"
 * "Aye Aye, Captain."
 * "Yes sir, Colonel."
 * "Why the hell would you think you need to shoot them in the head?"
 * "To think I used to get in trouble for this shit."
 * "Don't that shit beat all?"
 * "Keep talkin', Louis..."
 * "I don't care what these things are, I'm just killin' em all."
 * "Kill em all and let God sort em out."
 * "I hate witches, and this dead thing."
 * "You can call 'em Princess Diana, I'm still gonna blow their heads off"
 * "Louie, this is as good as it's gonna get."
 * "Don't make me beat your ass."
 * "Sweety, wanna give Bill your health kit?"
 * "Okay, gangster."
 * "Hey, who just shot me?"
 * "What the hell are you two talking about?"
 * "Don't think this means anything. This is just pillow talk baby."
 * "I always wanted to be a cop."
 * "Bill, do I gotta carry you up these damn stairs?"
 * "Hey everybody, raise your hand if you think that's a good idea."
 * "If I go down, promise you'll go on without me, get help, then come back and save me."
 * "You think they'll call us heroes someday? We are savin' humanity, right? A very small, four-person chunk of it, but still."
 * "Later, brother. You will be missed."
 * "Rest in peace, brother."
 * "THAT, my friends, is a shitload of zombies."
 * "THAT is a lot of vampires."
 * "Helpin' is half the fun."
 * "I don't know man, I don't think we need any more bankers."
 * "Well shit, kill zombies in here or out there. Let's go."
 * "Hey, Adult Diapers, move!"
 * "Hey, Old Folks Home, get in here!"
 * "Jesus. Human body's only got nine pints of blood in it. You might want to, like, save some in a cup or something."
 * "You did good back there. Right up to the point where all the zombies attacked and, you know, almost killed ya."
 * "Ahhh, you'll be fine. I'm pretty sure you're supposed to be able to see that bone."
 * "Let's get you patched up so you can go die someplace nicer."
 * "Somebody's coming to take us outta here. The good news is we got time for one last blow out before they arrive."
 * "Get inside! Free beer in here!"
 * "Thanks for killin' our only woman."
 * "Man, even for vampires these things haul ass."
 * "Look, all I know is these are some messed up vampires."
 * "Jesus Christ. That's the sound of you NOT complaining?"
 * "Come to daddy."
 * "You're right, these things shamble around and eat people. Oh no, wait, they don't, because THEY'RE VAMPIRES."
 * "If figured the world'd eventually end. I just never thought it'd be vampires."
 * "Nice job there, Van Helsing."
 * "Nice shot! For a girl. Louis."
 * "Forty years ago you woulda been, what, a hundred?"
 * "If you survive, maybe God's tryin' to tell ya something."