User:Imperialscouts

About me
That picture is there because I think it's hilarious. What are the odds? Seriously, there isn't even that much clipping in it.

Obviously, I'm a Left 4 Dead fan and the copies of Left 4 Dead and Left 4 Dead 2 are for the 360. I play online occasionally. I'd like to think I'm not horrendous but... I'm not really the one who would decide that, am I? I'm thinking of picking up another copy (I have two 360s, long story) so I can system link and FINALLY play the game without bots. The only problem would be finding enough people in my house to play them game with, right now I've only got my brother (and every once in a while, my sister).

I live on a military base, that's cool. I get to see a lot of helicopters come in and out, watch Strykers drive past, and not pay tax on groceries... fun stuff.

Other games I like: Halo (series), Gears of War (series), Mario games (Hey, who doesn't?), Mercenaries (Series... it's not very well known), Dead rising, most Star Wars games (especially KotOR), Assassin's Creed, Batman: Arkham Asylum (first good batman game!), Call of Duty games (as long as they are done by Activision), everything in the Orange box, others I'm not bothering to think of...

I have six siblings (Two sisters, a brother, a step-sister, a half-sister, and a half-brother). All younger. Hold your sympathy, I don't hate any of them. Strange in today's world, I think.

Alright, I'm incredibly sarcastic. Being sarcastic's fun! Note: If I'm sarcastic to you, please don't get offended, I try not to be rude but, hey, it happens. I don't mean anything by it. I may not be that sarcastic seeming in some of the stuff I do on a wiki, there's less chances to be sarcastic and I don't go out of my way to be sarcastic. It comes naturally.

Some Random Facts:

I accept all friend requests without any serious thought.

I dabbled in writing occasionally.

I laugh at (intentionally) stupid edits. Then I delete them.

I suck at texting. And have no cell phone.

I do not care if you know my name. It would take a military ID to find me.

I live very close to valve's headquarters. Relatively speaking anyway.

I consider video games an art form.

I believe in my religion, even though I'm a terrible example for it. That's hipocrisy for ya.

Despite my constant sarcasm, I'm a fairly positive person.

I know this is stupid.

Louis became my favorite character I went over to my friends house, decided to try out L4D, watched the intro scene, and laughed out loud when he screamed "(Do?) you like that?" at the witch.

Zoey became my other favorite character when her AI kept healing me back when I was first playing. (Four times in a row.)

While I agree that headshots are a sign of skill, I don't think they should have very much focus in "dis is how gud I are at left 4 ded" discussions. Teamwork is more important.

I bought a cheap mic. It broke. I need another.

I'm better at the first Left 4 Dead.

I think the Left 4 Dead 2 boycott was stupid. Very stupid.

I gave considerable, serious thought to whether or not Gordon Freeman could beat the Master Chief in a fight. I eventually concluded that if we made a "real" Master Chief and a "real" Gordon Freeman fought, the Master Chief would win. He's a biologically enhanced Super-Soldier trained since the age of six (and I think by the Halo games, he's 41) who wears a suit that enhances him even more. Whereas Gordon Freeman is a 27 year old theoretical physicist who has a strange aptitude for firearms and alien killing. HOWEVER, in-game (meaning that using the rules that Halo uses for the Master Chief and Half-Life uses for Gordon Freeman), the Master Chief would be destroyed. Think about it. The differences in health system, the gravity gun, the fact the Master Chief is very susceptible to flying things hitting him, the fact that Gordon Freeman can carry all his guns at once and that the Master Chief can only carry two...

You are reading words.

In Team Fortress 2 my best class is the Scout.

It took me forever to realize that my gamertag (imperial1scout) applies well to my preference of the Scout.

I knew that Master Chief was a real rank before I played Halo.

I love to use Ellipsis’s (...) a lot. You may have already noticed that one...

As I type this I'm holding a baby. He's trying to eat my shoulder. And won't stop crying.

Now that we're at the end, this list isn't worth reading.

My contributions

 * User contributions

My favorite pages

 * Louis
 * Zoey
 * Ellis
 * Coach
 * Ellis/Quotes (Read his stories about Kieth)
 * Hunter
 * No Mercy
 * Crash Course

Userboxes
 



My thoughts on Left 4 Dead
Left 4 Dead is awesome! It will be a game I play for years and years to come. If you listen to the commentary, you can tell that this was a game that had a lot of thought put in to making it. I love co-op; video games are so much better with someone else to play with. The fact that with the Hunter and Smoker you need a teammate to save yourself makes it so much more intense. The characters are realistic and I really grew attached to the whole group. Left 4 Dead's spawn system pretty cool and makes it easy to play it over and over again (as the designer's intended). In my opinion the game isn't so much scary as it is intense, which is good, because I'm not too good with scary stuff.

My thoughts on Left 4 Dead 2
As good as Left 4 Dead is, Left 4 Dead 2 is so much better. The new special infected heighten the whole experience and melee weapons fit in so naturally you may never use pistols again (though you may think on the new high caliber pistol). The new weapons, uncommon infected, connected campaigns, new gameplay modes, and new talents that the director can use all tie in to make a much improved game. The only complaints I may have are that the game it's not for those who haven't played the first one as it is harder (which isn't too bad, just play the first one) and that I liked original survivors more.

Quotes
Okay, I love quoing things. My siblings call me the quotemaster. It's supposed be an insult but... its not really that insulting. Here are some of my favorite quotes:

Red Vs. Blue: Possibly the most quoteable show I have ever seen.

Sarge: May I introduce, our new Light-Reconnaissance vehicle. It has 4-inch Armor Plating; M.A.G Bumper Suspension; a mounted machine gunner position, and total seating for three. Gentlemen! This is the M12 LRV! I like to call it the 'Warthog'.

Simmons: Why 'Warthog,' Sir?

Sarge: Because 'M12 LRV' is too hard to say in conversation, son.

Grif: No, but, why 'Warthog'? I mean, it doesn't really look like a pig...

Sarge: Say that again?

Grif: I think it looks more like a Puma.

Sarge: What in Sam Hell is a 'Puma'?

Simmons: Uhh, you mean like the shoe company?

Grif: No! Like a Puma! It's a big cat, it's like a lion.

Sarge: You're making that up.

Grif: I'm telling you, it's a real animal.

Sarge: Simmons, I want you to poison Grif's next meal.

Simmons: Yes sir!

Sarge:Look, see these two tow hooks? They look like tusks, and what kind of animal has tusks?

Grif: A walrus.

Sarge: Didn't I just tell you to stop making up animals?!

[The Blues are admiring their new tank]

Caboose: So I say to the guy, "How you going to get the tank down to the planet?" And he goes, "I'll just put it on the ship." And I go, "If you've got a ship that can carry a tank, why not just put guns on the ship and use it instead?"

Tucker: Hey kid?

Caboose: Yeah?

Tucker: You're ruining the moment. Shut up.

Church: I could blow up the whole goddamn world with this thing.

Simmons: We need you to go to the store and get two quarts of Elbow grease.

Grif: Yeah and, uh, pick up some headlight fluid for the Puma too.

Donut: The what?

Simmons: He means the Warthog.

Grif: You do know where the store is, right, rookie?

Donut: What? A- yeah! Yeah, of course I do. Sure. No problem.

Simmons: Well, get going then.

Simmons: Other way.

Donut: Oh yeah, I know, I just got turned around, that's all. Simmons: How long do you think until he figures out there's no store? Grif: I'd say... at least a week.

Church: All right, that's it! I've had it! Rookie, you stay here. Me and Tucker, we'll head through the teleporter, we'll cut him off at the pass.

Caboose: Right! Church: Tucker, you ready? Let's go. Tucker: There is no way I'm going through that thing. Church: Tucker, we don't have time for this. Why would they give us a teleporter if it doesn't work?

Tucker: I don't know! Why would they give us a tank that no one can drive?

Church: We already tested the teleporter, remember?

Tucker: We threw rocks through it!

Church: Yeah and so what?! The rocks came through the other side, didn't they? Tucker: Yeah, but they were all hot and covered with black stuff. Church: Oh, so I guess that's what this is all about then?! You're afraid of a little black stuff. Tucker: Yes, I am. I am afraid of black stuff. Church: Tucker, I almost hate to do this to ya. [Church points his gun at him] Tucker: You wouldn't.

Church: You know, I look at it this way. Either a) We go through there and get the flag back. Or b) We stay here, and I get to kill you. Either way, I win.

Tucker: For the record, I want you to know: Rocks aren't people. Church: Duly noted. Now get in there. Tucker: Alright. One... two...

[Tucker runs through the teleporter] Church: ...

Caboose: Huh. He didn't come out the other side.

Church: Yeah. I've, uh... I've decided I'm not gonna use the teleporter.

[As Church and Donut argue, Tucker suddenly pops out through the teleporter]

Tucker: THREE!

Church: JESUS!

Donut: HOLY SHIT! Who is this guy!?

Church: What in the hell!? Tucker? Is that you?

Tucker: How did you get up here ahead of me?

Donut: And what's with that black shit on your armor?

Tucker: Hey! Freeze, Sarge! [Tucker levels his weapon at Donut's head] Donut: Will you stop calling me a Sergeant, I'm still just a Private! Tucker: The Sarge is still a Private? Oh. My. God. The teleporter sent me back in time!

[Caboose enters the tank's cockpit, and the engine starts] Sheila: Hello, and thank you for activating the M8O8V main battle tank. You may call me Sheila. Caboose: [nervously] Hello... Sheila... big tank lady...

Sheila: Would you like me to run the tutorial program?

Caboose: Oh that be very nice. Thank you.

...

[Caboose, learning how to drive the tank, has rammed it against a rock with most of the treads off the ground]

Sheila: Now that you have mastered driving the M8O8V, let's move on to some of the safety features.

Caboose: No! No, wait, go back! Why are there six pedals if there are only four directions?

Tucker: You shot Church, you team-killing fucktard!

Tucker: Why do you keep firing at the jeep?

Caboose: Because it's locked on!

Shelia: Target locked.

Tucker: Well, unlock it!

Caboose: Last time I unlocked it, I KILLED CHURCH!

Tucker: Oh, right... keep shooting at the jeep, then.

Tucker: Uh oh.

[a large shadow flies over the Red Base]

Tucker:: Hey caboose you might wanna get out of the tank like right now!

Caboose: I can't figure out how to GET THIS THING OPEN! Sheila: Night vision engaged.

Tucker: Rookie! get out now!

Caboose: Ok... open the... ok... Sheila will you please open the door?

Sheila: Driver cannon seat open. Thank you for using the M808V Main Battle...

[Caboose escapes as Sheila is hit by an air strike, blasting her upside down]

Caboose: Oh crap oh crap oh crap oh crap running running running! Man... That was close.

Tucker: Look at your tank though.

Sheila: I'm scared Dave. Will I dream? Daaiiissssyyyy... Daaaaiisyyyyyy... Caboose: [screaming] SHEEEEIIIIIILLLLLLLAAAAAAA!!!! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

Tucker: What? No! Sheila! Sheila! Wait, who's Sheila?

Caboose: [devastated] Sheila's the lady in the tank. She was my friend.

Tucker: Oh, dude! I knew you could pick up chicks in a tank!

Vic: This is Blue Command, come in Blood Gulch Outpost Alpha.

Tucker: Hello! Command! We need help.

Vic: Roger that, Blood Gulch, what is your request?

Tucker: I don't know what the technical military term is for it, but we're pretty fucked up down here. We need men.

Vic: ...Dude, how long have you guys been down there?

Church: [disembodied, ghostly] Tucker! Tucker! [Ghost of Church appears]

Tucker: Who the hell are you?

Church: I am the ghost of Church! And I've come back with a warning!

Caboose: You're not Church! Church is blue! You're white!

Church: [normally] Rookie, shut up man! I'm a freakin' ghost! Have you ever seen a blue ghost before?

Tucker: Yeah, that's definitely him.

Church: Now I've got to start over again. [clears throat, reverts to ghostly voice] Tucker! Tucker! I've come back with a warning!

Tucker: Is it really necessary to do the voice?

[Church relates Tex's killing of his old squad via flashback]

Church: The whole thing was over before it even started. Poor Jimmy was the last one to go. Tex walked up to him, pulled Jimmy's skull right out of his head and beat him to death with it.

Tucker: Wait a second... how do you beat someone to death with their own skull? That doesn't seem physically possible.

Church: You know, that's exactly what Jimmy kept screaming.

[Flasback to Jimmy being beat to death with his own skull]

Jimmy:'This doesn't seem physically possible!

[Tex sticks Donut with a plasma grenade]

Grif: What the fuck?

Donut: What?

Simmons: What is that thing?

Donut: What thing?

Grif: There's something on your head.

Donut: What, is it a spider? Get it off! Simmons: No, it's not a spider. It's like a blue thing...

Donut: What, like a blue spider? Get it off!!

Grif: It's not a spider! Now calm down! It's some kind of fuzzy, pulsating thing...

Donut: That doesn't sound much better than a spider!

Simmons: Does it hurt?

Donut: No.

Simmons: Maybe we should try to take it off.

Grif: Good idea. Go for it.

Simmons: Me? By "we", I mean you, asshole.

Donut: Well, someone needs to get it off. It might be dangerous.

[The plasma grenade explodes]

Grif and Simmons: SON OF A BITCH!

Tucker: Let me get this straight... you're telling me that the guy that showed up here, scared the living shit out of us, shot at Caboose and beat the hell out of the reds wasn't a guy at all? That he was a chick? And on top of that, she was your ex-girlfriend?

Church: In a nutshell, yes. That's an excellent summary.

Caboose: I should have known... She didn't like me... Girls, never, like me.

Tucker: Caboose, I don't think anybody likes you.

Caboose: (Dejectedly) I like me...

Church: Will you shut up with that? She got recruited in to some kind of weird experimental program back during basic where, they infused her armor with this really aggressive A.I. I'm not really sure how it all works, but all I know is it made her meaner and tougher than hell.

...

Tucker: So, the military put this program in her head, and that program made her a killer. But underneath it all she's really just a sweet, down-home girl?

Church: Oh hell no. She's always been a rotten bitch, it's just now she's a rotten bitch with cybernetic enhancements.

Tucker: Wow. Sounds like you really won the lottery with that one. Good catch there buddy, she's a keeper.

Church: So how're you doing, Caboose? Are you following any of this whatsoever?

Caboose: I think so... That guy Tex is really a robot, and you're his boyfriend. So that makes you... a gay robot.

Church: Yeah... that's right... I'm a gay robot.

Tucker: (Over Church's radio, fighting with Caboose) I'm not yelling. I'm just telling you to let me finish talking to Church! No! I'll tell him you said "hi" later. No, you can't talk to him! How could you possibly talk to him on my headset? Church: [Radio clicks] Oh my God... I can't believe I actually died for this war.

[Episode starts at Red Base with Donut meeting Simmons and Grif, in a new suit of armour]

Donut: Dude, this is sweet! Command was so happy that I got the Blue flag, they gave me my own color armour!

Grif: ...Uh, hey Donut?

Donut: What?

Simmons: Uh, about your armor...

Donut: What about it?

Simmons: How do I put this? Your armor is, um... It's a little, um... Grif, you wanna help me out here?

Grif: It's pink! Your armor is freakin' pink!

...

Donut: Look at it, it's not pink. It's like, uhhh, a lightish-red.

Grif: Guess what? They already have a color for lightish-red. You know what it's called? Pink!

Donut: I hate you guys...

Sarge: Command was fresh out of speech modules when I started building Lopez, but once I get this baby installed, I'll finally have someone intelligent to talk to! No offense, Simmons.

Simmons: Oh, don't worry, I know who you meant, sir.

Grif: Wait a second, Lopez is a robot?

Simmons: Of course he is! You didn't notice that he never talks?

Grif: I just thought he was a real quiet guy.

Sarge: And the fact that he sleeps standing up and drinks motor oil didn't get your attention?

Grif: W-well, I did think the motor oil was a bit odd. I just thought he was trying to impress me.

Tex: As far as I'm concerned, I'm square with you.

Church: I saved you from a life of imprisonment. How the hell are you square with me?

Tex: Because I didn't kill you back at Sidewinder.

Church: You know, I don't really see how not killing somebody is the same thing as doing them a favor.

Tex: Well, if you don't appreciate it, I could just kill you right now.

Church: [before Caboose and Tucker can turn to him] No you can't, I'm already dead, bitch! I guess the joke's on you!

Caboose: [Almost Crying] Stop it! Stop fighting! Can't you see this is tearing us apart?! [Angrily] What about us?!

Tex: What about you?

Caboose: [Back to crying] We helped you too! And what do we get? Nothing!

Tucker: So since you're helping us, I guess you're not so mean after all. Tex: I wouldn't say I'm mean, I just get paid to do mean things. Tucker: Yeah but you like it.

Tex: Well, I think it's important to enjoy what you do.

Tucker: So let's say I paid you to kill Caboose. You would still do it, right? Even though you're supposed to be helping us?

Tex: Is this a hypothetical discussion, or should we start talking numbers?

Tucker: Yeah, I don't wanna talk about this any more.

[Around Church's dead body, which was never buried]

Church: Tucker, the first chance we get, you are going to bury my body.

Tucker: Quit your bitching, nothing's going to happen to it. Church: It's a freaking indignity! My body fought hard for this army, and it deserves to be laid to rest. Tucker: Get over it, you're already dead. What's the worst that could happen now? Caboose: Hey Church, Look! Birds! ...Why are they flying around in circles?

Church: [Possessing Lopez] Ay, muchachos, necesite darle... un aviso... ¿Qué? ¿Por qué estoy hablando español? ¡Yo no puedo hablar español! [Translated: Guys, I need to give... you a... warning. What? Why am I speaking Spanish? I don't know Spanish!] Simmons: Um... sure. Church: ¡No, no, escúchame! ¡La bruja te va a matar! ¡Ella está trabajando en la tanque! [Translated: No, listen to me! The mean woman is going to kill you! She is fixing the tank!]

Caboose: [Radios Church] Come in, Private Church. Do you copy? Soldier unit Tex almost has the armor vehicle situation rectified. Okay. We require verification of your... mission...ness. [clears throat] How is your progression? Church: [over radio while possessing Lopez] ¡Caboose! ¡Nadie aquí está escuchándome! Caption: Caboose! No one here is listening to me! Church: ¡No mas puedo hablar español! Caption: I can only speak Spanish for some reason! Caboose: [Turns to Tucker] ... He says he wants to talk to you.

Church: [Possessing Lopez] ¡Un tanque... grrrande! Grif: Hey, I think that if you are going to live in this country, you should speak the language. Simmons: What country? We're on an alien planet. Grif: What are you, a communist?

Grif: [Suprised by nearby explosion] Son of a bitch! Simmons: Son of a bitch! Church: [Possessing Lopez] Madre de Perro! [Translated as 'Son of a Bitch']

[After Donut sticks Tex]

Donut: Hell yeah! Three points, ya dirty whore! [Tex explodes] Church: Dios Mio NO! [Church runs off to go save Tex] Grif: Uh, where's Lopez going? Sarge: To fight the enemy head on. In hand to hand combat, mano a mano. What a brave little conpadray. Lopez, I never understood a word you said, but I do know one thing. You hated Grif, and that's the most important thing there is. Adios amigo, adios. Simmons: Shouldn't we help him? Sarge: Nah, that would just ruin the moment.

Caboose: See, uh, he got killed by this, uh... crazy runaway tank-

Tucker[interrupting]: Or by the idiot driving it. Caboose: Oh yeah, and then he became, uh, this really mean ghost, and uh, took over a Mexican robot's body. Oh, and then we had to (that's right) spray-paint him (to make him blue), and now he is alive again, and he is a bionic man. Who... is blue.

Doc: I'm a pacifist. Caboose: You're a thing that babies suck on...?

Tucker: No, dude, that's a pedophile. Church: Tucker, I think he means a pacifier. Tucker: Oh yeah, right. Man I was... totally thinking 'bout somethin' else. Church: That’s real classy, Tucker.

Church: Okay, Tucker, I need you to get up there, help Caboose shore up a defense, establish a suppressing fire, and hold that position until further notice. Tucker: I didn’t even know what half of that meant. Church: Just go over to Caboose’s rock, and fire your gun a bunch. Tucker: That rock? Yeah, I don’t think so. Church: We do not. Have time. To discuss this. Tucker: Sure, no time for you to discuss it! You get to hang out here with Nancy-no-bullets just shootin' the breeze! Meanwhile, I’m out there, running around, eating a machine-gun sandwich. Church: Tucker, we’re going to give you covering fire! Tucker: Covering fire? Unless that means you’re going to build a huge, bulletproof wall between me and them, I think you need to come up with a new plan. Preferably one that involves me keeping the same quantity of blood that I have right now. Church: No problem. Oh, wait, wait, does the blood have to be in your body?

Church: Okay, you, Doc. Get over there and help Caboose.

DuFresne: My name isn't Doc. It's DuFresne.

Church: Yeah, I can't pronounce that. So from now on, your name is Doc.

DuFresne: I'm not really comfortable with that. I'm not a doctor; I'm a medic.

Tucker: What's the difference?

DuFresne: Well, a doctor cures people. A medic just makes them more comfortable... while they die.

Tucker: Mental Note: Don't ever get shot.

Church: It's settled then, your name is now Doc.

DuFrense/Doc: Alright, but I don't think it'll stick. (scene pauses, background gets dark; the word "Doc" passes by in big letters)

Tucker: Oh trust us, it'll stick.

Caboose: I can't believe Church shot me!

Church:[irritated, echoing scream from nearby] Oh don't even start Caboose!

Tucker: Why did the reds stop firing?

Church: I don't know. They're probably out of ammo.

Sarge(From a long distance away): Hey blue team, we are giving you a chance to surrender.

Church: Yeah, they're definitely out of ammo.

Caboose: Rest in peace, pinky toe... [Evil voice] you shall be avenged!

[Grif is forced to say this after the blues requested reds to admit that they suck]

Grif: I would just like to let everyone know that I suck... Church: And? Grif: And that I'm a girl... Church: What else? Grif: ... and I like ribbons in my hair ... and I want to kiss all the boys... Sarge: This may be the best surrender of all time.

[Sarge berates Grif for chatting with Doc]

Grif: Come on, Sarge, he doesn't even have a gun. Simmons: Oh, well, you two will be great friends, then. He doesn't have a gun, and you didn't bring any ammo! Grif: Hey, thanks, kiss-ass! If I wanna take guarding tips from the guy that lost our last prisoner, I'll be sure to ask you! Donut [to Simmons]: Oh, man, that is a burn! Dude, you just got burned! Burned, dude, burned! Simmons: Oh shut up.... Your armor's pink

[Sarge is pinned to the base wall by the jeep as the jeep's machine gun begins firing closer and closer to his head.] Sarge: What a way to go. Killed by my own mechanical creations. I'm sure there's a philosophical lesson to be learned from all this. Simmons: Something about the dangers of technology and the unwavering pride of mankind? Sarge: No, something about hiring better help that doesn't just stand around watching you die!

[As Doc approaches the Blue base, apparently part of a Red plan] Caboose: I knew it. We're all gonna die. (points sniper rifle at Tucker's head)[Evil Voice] Starting with you.

Tucker: I'm just trying to be helpful.

Church: Yeah, well, you're failing. Caboose: Oh, I hear that voice telling us to kill all of our friends before they have a chance to kill us. (Church and Tucker stare at Caboose) Caboose: What? You guys don't hear that?

Caboose: Hurry, hurry, hurry, fix the tank! So that I can say hello to Shiela... [Evil voice] and start killing everyone!

Tucker: You mean all the Reds?

Caboose:[Normal voice] Of course... [Evil voice] for starters!

Church: Tucker, there's a very fine line between not listening, and not caring. I like to think that I walk that line every day of my life.

[Donut, retraces his steps]

Donut: Right. I know it was Tuesday, because that's the day I washed my underwear. And since I don't like to let my armor touch my bare skin, on the account of I chafe really easily, I remember thinkin', [turns towards the Warthog] "Where can I hang out with no pants on?"

Grif: [horrified] Oh God.

Grif: Look, instead of just running straight in to enemy gunfire like we usually do, why don't we try some reconnaissance this time?

Donut: You mean like spy stuff? That would be cool! I could wear, a spy tuxedo...

Sarge: No.

Donut: With a hidden spy camera...

Simmons: No.

Donut: Inside a tiny spy bowtie...

Grif: No.

Donut: Or, I could wear a flower on my lapel...

Sarge: I said no.

Donut: That sprays water in people's faces, oh man... Simmons: Shut up Donut.

Donut: No- secret spy liquid, hahaha. That would be awesome! Simmons and Sarge: No!

Grif: Maybe! ...Uh, I mean... noooooo. Donut: Oh come on, I could be double-O Donut! Simmons: You mean like Doonut? Donut: The license to thrill! Or be thrilled! Sarge: Alright, since you're both so in to the idea, Grif, Donut, you're on recon. Find us a way to break in to their base, and report back on the double. Grif: Great, more time alone with the idiot. Donut: Grif, Grif Grif Grif Grif Grif Grif. Let's pretend, we're wearing super-spy jetpacks! Grif: (sighing) Huhhhhhhg.. . Donut: No, no no no, like this- (jetpack whooshing noise) Phschewschhhhhhhhhhhwewwwww... [continues the sound over the scene change to him and Grif on a cliff, and keeps going]

Grif: Hey, can you not stop that for two seconds? Donut: Come on agent- (clears throat, resumes in a deeper voice) Come on, Agent Grif. We've got to hurry if we want to save the Princess from the evil goblin. Grif: What Princess? I thought you were pretending to be in a spy movie? Donut: Look, my secret spy character gets to marry a beautiful Princess in a castle, alright? Deal with it! Grif: Donut, can you just go find some higher ground or something?

Donut: But we're on higher ground now. Grif: Why don't you use your jetpack to go to the highest ground? Donut: Good idea! I bet the blues won't think of that! Grif: No, if they were that stupid, we probably would have won by now. Donut: Secret Agent Donut, to the rescue! Phschewshhhhhhhhhhh... (heads off) Grif: I could just shoot him. No one would ever have to know. No one.

[Upon arriving in Battle Creek, (Red and Blue teams decide to work together and are paired up.)] Sarge: Hello? Anyone? Do you read me? Do I read you? Anyone? Anybody? Nobody? Okay. Clicks off radio Well, I don't think the others are coming. We must have gotten separated somehow. Caboose: My toes, are getting pruney. Sarge: Ooookay. Why don't we try to find O'Malley? Caboose: I know where you can find O'Malley. He lived inside my helmet for a while. Maybe he left an address to send his mail. We were like roommates! Sarge: Sounds like he took some of the furniture when he left… and the carpet… and the drapes… and I wouldn't expect to get that deposit back, if y'know what I mean. [Caboose rounds the corner to see a blue man laying on the ground] Caboose: Sergeant! Look! A sleeping person! Sarge: What? Holy Macaroon... [Sarge runs over to inspect the blue] He's not sleeping son, he's dead. Caboose: Oh good. At first, I thought that was me. Because I am blue and I like to sleep. But if he is dead, that cannot be me. That would be silly. Sarge: No doubt he was killed by our very enemy. Once again, I find my-self torn. On the one hand, there's one less blue in the universe, but now Doc's got a bigger body count than me! And that just won't do, No sir. [Sarge turns to the dead blue] Rest in piece...scumbag. [Caboose rounds the next corner to find a small area with bullet holes in the walls, blood on the ground and walls and many reds and blues lying on the ground] Caboose: Look, more sleeping people. It must be nap time! But who has nap time now? Nap time comes before pants time, not after. I think these people are just making up times! Sarge: What the Samuel Helsinki happened here? There must have been an enormous battle. [Calls out] Hello? Is anyone okay? Are there any survivors? Preferably any RED survivors. Don't let that discourage you from speaking up if you're blue! I won't step on your neck or anything like that. Caboose: Am I allowed to answer? Sarge: Shhh, quiet. You hear that? [Trumpet starts playing in the background, getting steadily louder playing 'Reveille'] Caboose: Yes. That noise is called water. It is very wet, and very sloshy. Sarge: I was talking about the trumpet, bluetard. Caboose: I have to go to the bathroom now for some reason... Which is odd, because I already went when we were standing in the creek together! Sarge: Wait a minute! I know that song! That's Reveille! But why would someone be playing Reveille in the middle of- [At this point all the supposedly dead red's and blue's jump up cheering and yelling] Sarge: Sweet jibbling jibblets!! Caboose: Running time! [The numerous soldiers run past Sarge and Caboose, running into their respective bases chanting 'hup, hup, hup', etc.] Sarge: What just happened here?" Caboose: I think all the sleeping people were trying t-

Sarge: That was rhetorical. [Sarge runs over to a window through which you can hear unintelligible cheers] Sarge: Get over here, gimmie a boost. Caboose: Okay...[Walks over to Sarge] You are a good person, and people say nice things about you. Sarge: Not a morale boost, moron, a physical one. I need to see what's in that window. Caboose: That window is very high. I don't think you are tall enough. Sarge: I know... I need you to help me look through it. Caboose: I don't think I am tall enough either. Also, my head is round, and that window is square. Sarge: C'mere you...