Coach/Quotes

A list of Coach's Quotes heard so far in Left 4 Dead 2.

Intro

 * [Reading CEDA's instructons in Zombie Survival Guide trailer ] *with sarcasm* "Report unusual behavior. Barricade your homes. Avoid all contact with infected individuals. Wait for official instructions. Hah! Wait my ass!"
 * Ellis: Kill all sons'a'bitches. That's my 'fficial instructions!


 * [ Killing an infected in Zombie Survival Guide trailer ] "This used to be a nice neighborhood!"
 * [ Stopping for a break at the stairs in Zombie Survival Guide trailer ] "Who the hell...puts an evac station...up thirty flights of goddamn stairs?"
 * Nick: "Come on, Coach... Maybe the helicopter...maybe it's made of chocolate!"
 * [ Looking at the fleeing helicopters in Zombie Survival Guide trailer ] "Aren't they supposed to be savin' our asses?"

General

 * "All right, let's put on our game faces, they're comin'!"
 * "God damn it, I knew I shoulda lost some weight."
 * "All right, everybody, you are giving 110%."
 * "Man, this is about to get all Baghdad and shit.."
 * "That was some epic shit right there."

Commands
These are derived from the PC commands when using the Z, X, or C keys.

Argh
"Damn!"

"God Damn it!"

"What the f-"

"Ngahhhh"

Negative responses

 * "You try that shit on me and you'll be wishin' your momma never met ya father."
 * 'You try that shit on me and i will send you to heaven right now.'

Health related

 * [ When there's only two survivors left ] "Stay close, we're a party of two."
 * [ When low on health ] "Crazy sons' bitches messin' me up!"
 * "*various spluttering sounds*"
 * [ When being revived ] "They oughta name a school after me for this shit."
 * "All right, thanks."
 * [ Being revived with the Defibrillator] "Aw hell, I'm back here."
 * "Please tell me you didn't do mouth to mouth..."
 * "Glad I didn't go toward the light."
 * [ When picking up pills] "I know one thing: I'm grabbin' pills!"
 * "Got the pills!"
 * [ When reviving someone] "Keep it up. C'mon, keep it up, keep it up. You gonna make it."
 * [ When in critical need of healing ] "Come on... Put it together, man... You gonna make it through this shit..."
 * "It hurts...but it ain't nothing."
 * [ When on black and white ] "Come on man. You can make it through this shit!"
 * [ When giving pain pills ] "You make sure you use this now."
 * [ While incapacitated ] "Get your asses over here and help me!"
 * [ Reviving someone on their last down ] "Man, you look like one of those dudes in a drivin' school film. This may be it for you."
 * "I don't mean to be pickin' on ya, but yall look like shit." 
 * "You gonna be all- Nah, nah, I can't lie to you. You go down again, and that's it."
 * [ When healing another Survivor. ] "Hold still. Imma heal yo ass!"
 * "I hope this makes you feel better. Ain't sure what I'm doin'."
 * "Stop squirming, I'm gonna heal ya."
 * [ When picking up Rochelle shortly after she already went down ] "AGAIN!?"
 * [ In a weak and breaking voice ] Rochelle: "Again..."


 * [Rochelle dies leaving Coach alone] "Ahh no, baby-girl, now I'm all alone"
 * [Ellis dies] "Goodbye Ellis, you'll be missed."
 * "I'll miss your goofy ass"
 * [While healing himself] "Shit, I need to heal my ass."
 * "Healing."
 * "Cover me for a sec, I gotta heal."
 * [When low on health and Ellis is telling a story] "WE'RE NOT GONNA SET UP CAMP FOR YOU!"
 * [ Inside the Rescue Closet ] "Need some help! Can't get myself out of here!"
 * [ When hanging off a ledge ] "Dammit, I knew I shoulda' lost weight!"
 * [When taking pills]"That'll keep it tight!"

Weapon related

 * [ When he picks some incendiary ammo ] "Boo-yeah!"
 * "Lets burn some shit UP!"
 * [ When deploying incendiary ammo ] "Allright, everyone come and get some incenderary ammo."
 * [ When he is going to throw a molotov or a pipe bomb ] "Fire in the hoooole!"
 * "Gr'naade!"
 * " All right now, let's blow some shit up."
 * [ Reloading after taking heavy damage ] "Re-goddamn-loading!"
 * "I tell ya, it's gonna be raining zombie pieces."
 * "Hey boy. Pow! Some bitches gonna get sniped."
 * [ After picking up a magnum ] "This here will mess some shit up!"
 * [ After picking up a hunting Rifle] 'Imma smoke a smoker with this thing
 * [Picking up a Cricket Bat] "I'm gonna paddle the shit outta something"

Infected related
[When he sees a Boomer during the Dead Center Campaign] "Rolly Polly"
 * [Upon spotting a Tank] "I'm gonna beat that Tank's ass!"
 * "Ohhh shit! Tank!"
 * "SHOOT THAT BIG MUTHA!"
 * "Holy shit, what is that?!"
 * "Holy Shit! What is that?! Some...Super-Ass Zombie!?"
 * [ When constricted ] "(raspy) Get this mother fu-(coughs) off me!"
 * [When a Spitter is about to spit] "Burning shit comin'!"
 * [When a Spitter is around] "That fat spittin' bitch is around."
 * "I hear that fat woman."
 * "Crazy Woman!!"
 * [When a Smoker is around] "Sounds like one of them Smoker bitches."
 * [When a Hunter is around] "Punk-ass Hunter around."
 * [When a Witch is around] "Ya'll hear, get ready to toss that bitch"
 * "Quiet everybody, I hear a Bitch."
 * "That cryin' girls around here."
 * "What is that, crying?!"
 * "Rochelle that ain't you crying right?"
 * "I'll give her somethin' to cry about!"
 * [When LS is clicked with reticle on Witch] "Witch!"
 * [When LS is clicked with reticle on Witch] "Bitch!"
 * [When LS is clicked with reticle on Witch] "I see that bitch!"
 * [When pummeled by a Charger] "Charger! SHOOT!"
 * "Don't stand there, kill this thing!
 * "Charger's pounding me into the ground!"
 * "This things beating my ass!"
 * "Shoot the Charger!"
 * "This Charger's pounding me!"
 * "Shoot this damn Charger!"
 * "God-damn, one of ya'll gotta shoot this thing!"
 * [When he sees Jimmy Gibbs Junior] "Heyyy! Jimmy Gibbs!"
 * "Forgive us, Jimmy, but we need your car."
 * "Sorry about this, Mr. Gibbs!"
 * [ When he sees a Riot Infected ] "That zombie's got armor! I want armor!"
 * "That dang zombie is bulletproof!"
 * [ When a Jockey is riding him ] "Ellis, is that you? What the hell!?""
 * "Ellis, is that you on my back!?"
 * "It ain't right for a man to be ridden like that."
 * "Oh lord no, Jockey on me!"
 * [ When Ellis kills a Special Infected ] "Nice shot, young un'.
 * [ When Rochelle kills a Special Infected ]You on it!"
 * [ When hearing a Jockey ] "One of those leapin'-on-your-back bitches is around."
 * "I hear one of those Jockeys. If I see it, I'm gonna shoot the shit out of it!"

[ When he startles the witch] "SWEET JESUS"

Dead Center
[ When the chopper leaves without them at the beginning of Dead Center ] "HEYYY! COME BACK! COME-ahh, he ain't comin' back."
 * [ Unused ] "How they HELL did they capture this thing already?"
 * "Oh man, look at that thing in there."


 * Ellis: "That chopper looks like it's headin over to the evac station at the mall."


 * Coach: "Gotta agree. Let's grab a weapon and head to the mall."

[ At the beginning of the Atrium Finale ] "Oh, hey! Jimmy Gibbs!
 * Nick "I'm getting sick of looking at this guy's face"
 * Coach: "Well trust me - in these parts, he's as famous as....Elvis. Or the President."
 * Nick: "Really. 'Cause he looks like an asshole."
 * Coach: "Get yo' ass movin', Nick."

[At the beginning of The Mall] "Everybody, gather 'round. Let's pray. Dear Lord, see us safely through our time of trial in this mall. And please Lord... let the food court be okay."
 * "Thank Jesus, this one's still on. I ain't walkin' down thirty flights of stairs."
 * [ Upon entering the gunshop ] "Paydirt!" OR "Now these here are alot of guns."
 * "Nick, don't give me that look. Cola and nuts might be this man's last meal. We can't deny him that. We get him his snacks, he helps us. I'm good with it."
 * "Cola and nuts? Could go for some myself. Better not be diet cola. Because that I will not do."
 * "I have never killed zombies on a snack run, but today is a day of firsts. If you don't mind us using your guns to do it, we're good to go."
 * "Finally something that makes sense to me. A man and his snacks. We'll hook ya up. Just don't forget to take care of us."
 * "Okay, I've got the crazy man's cola!"
 * "People call me Coach. And I LIVE here."
 * "What the heck is that chopper doing?"
 * "I don't think you're supposed to use an elevator when the buildin's on fire."
 * "All right, I got the crazy man's cola! Let's go!"
 * "Hmm. About time a store gives a man a haircut while he buys himself some pants."


 * Rochelle/Ellis: (laughing) "Amen."


 * [Alternative Dialog]


 * Rochelle: "Lord, have mercy on Coach and spare the food court!"

The Passing
The Riverbank

Nick: "Coach, no time for cake."
 * "Anyone see the wedding cake?
 * [ In response to Nick saying he's seen a bride like this before ] "Man, I hope we don't see a Tank in a tuxedo."

The Underground


 * [ Upon seeing the Midnight Riders' bus ]"Man, I think I just saw...nah."


 * "I must be dreaming."


 * "Easy now... Don't be playin' on this board."

The Port


 * [ Going down the elevator ] "Ellis, keep your mind on the cans, not the girl."


 * [ After Louis makes a kill ] "Louis in the house."

The Highway

 * "Whispering Oaks! Shit, I used to go there as a kid!"
 * Nick: "Oh, good. Now we can die there as adults."


 * "Ellis, that was some good driving."
 * "Look at those lights to the left! They're having a party!"
 * "Well now, if we're picking directions, I say head towards the spinning lights."
 * "Ain't no way to drive around this mess, let's walk it."
 * "One place is as good as the next when you're dead."
 * "Ah hell, those lights are an amusement park!"
 * "Jesus Christ, that's a Ferris wheel lit up."
 * "Let's head to the amusement park, ain't like we have anywhere else to go."
 * "Looks like people were heading towards Whispering Oaks."
 * "We ain't the only ones that thought to take this short-cut"
 * "Hm. Lights on, but nobody's home."
 * "Well nobody but the zombies."
 * "We gotta cross the valley."
 * "[laughing] It's not funny. You could really hurt yo--[laughs harder] Nah, it is funny!"
 * "Whao, watch that first step baby."

The Fairgrounds
[ Upon seeing a cotton candy stall in Dark Carnival] "Cotton Candy, the wise Pharaoh of food, sittin' a top the food pyramid, passing judgment on all the lesser foods." Nick: "You know what I think its gonna activate everything else around here." [Upon seeing the height requirement at the carousel] "You must be this tall to ride. Well-least there won't be no Jockeys in there.
 * "Look, let's just find the corndog stand and hold out there."
 * "I find a Burger Tank in this place and I'm a be a one-man cheeseburger apocalypse."
 * "I was a lil' peanut riding these. This here was my favorite."
 * "That peanut's got crazy eyes. They FOLLOW you."
 * "Hey, hey, man...can't go down the slide without your sack."
 * [ Upon reaching the switch to the gate ] "All right, this is gonna open the gate and what the hell else?"


 * Nick: Nope. Just lots and lots of Tanks.

Nick: "Tunnel of Love, Jesus Christ!"
 * You must be this tall to ride. Sorry Ellis.
 * "Man, I loved this place as a kid."
 * "Come on, get into the Tunnel of Love."
 * [ Upon seeing the safe house in the Tunnel of Love ] "Get yo' ass in the Tunnel of Love!"

The Coaster

 * "Hey. No smoochin', y'all."
 * "Well, looks like we're going through the Tunnel of Love, people. Stay close to me."
 * Nick: "I'd think i like to clarify what constitutes 'close'."


 * [In the Tunnel of Love] "Back in the day, I had some POSTERS that would look good in this light."
 * [ Walking through the Tunnel of Love ] "I don't remember the Tunnel of Love bein' this LONG. I musta had something else on my mind."
 * "Hm. Shit. First time I ever couldn't wait to get out of the Tunnel of Love."
 * "Running the Screaming Oak...now don't that beat all..."
 * "This is some crazy ass world we live in now."
 * "No, this ain't gonna be cool. You ain't right in the head boy."
 * "Through the bumper cars!"

The Barns

 * "We got to get into the stadium."
 * "There's the Peach Bowl!"
 * "I hear somethin' go on in there!"
 * "If we can get on the monorail, we can jump the fence."
 * "We need to get on the monorail."
 * "Everybody go, go, go. Onto the monorail."
 * "Into the dumpster."
 * "Rochelle, you gotta find another window, this here is the men's room."

The Concert

 * [ The beginning at the safe house ] "All right heres the plan. Yall know the midnight riders they're gonna save us"
 * Ellis: "I hate to break it to ya coach but i dont think they're actually here."
 * Coach: "We'll set off their finale and the chopper gotta know somethings up. And nobody and i mean NOBODY has the bigger light show than the midnight riders"
 * Nick: "Coach that is the stupidest idea i've ever agreed with."
 * Coach: "All right then everybody grab a weapon and lets move.!"
 * "There's the stage."
 * "Lip syncing old ass bitches, they got a tape back here."
 * "Well ain't this a bitch, they got a tape for their music. To think I used to like these guys."


 * Nick: "Sorry to break it to you Coach, but your heroes lip-sync. There's a tape back here labeled Finale."
 * Coach: "No, they're just saving their voices for the studio, Nick. That's SMART."


 * [When standing in front of the microphone with a guitar at the Finale] Every lady's crazy when her daddy's not around, na na na na na na na na! Gotta reach for the top, stay on the mountain, na na na na na na na na!
 * "I forget how much I love this song!"

Swamp Fever

 * [ Reading the sign at the start of The Swamp ] "No CEDA, No Military, Stay Out..."
 * [ When ferry arrives at the Swamp Fever ] "Put it all out there."
 * [ When the fishing boat arrives in The Plantation] "*Repeatedly blows sports whistle*"
 * [ Upon seeing the Plane Wreckage ] "Nick, you sure you didn't kill this pilot too?"
 * "Better not be any goddamn instant mud people, just add water."
 * "Nick, we're goin into a swamp filled with zombies. Y'all want me to lie to ya?"
 * "I normally stay the hell away from swamps on principle. You remember that movie with that golfer that got his hand ate by a gator? That shit's real."
 * "Ellis, it's just a boat."

Milltown

 * "Look here, the gas station's right across the street. We coulda already been there and back by now. Come on."
 * "ME? I told Nick to grab the guns!"
 * "We should be in and out here. Get the gas, get back to shore, signal Virgil with the flare gun in the gun bag. Then we just, uh... um... aw, HELL. Tell me SOMEONE brought the GUN BAG."
 * "Next gas two miles. Hope Virgil likes waitin', 'cause it looks we're goin' for a walk."
 * "Let's head to this Ducatel diesel."
 * "All right, quit whinin'. We just gotta hike to this Duke-atel diesel."
 * "It's startin' to rain."
 * "First the plague, now the flood. I feel like I should be buildin' an ark."
 * "That's a nasty damn wreck."
 * "Don't think we got much choice in the matter.
 * "He's good people"
 * "Don't jinx us, Nick."
 * "Shit. All these zombies should help you swallow."
 * "Man, I sure wish the Burger Tank was open."
 * "I could go for a BBQ bacon burger."
 * "And a large order of fries, and..."
 * "An orange soda with no ice, and a..."
 * "piece of hot apple pie."


 * "Storms come up fast, but we should make it."
 * "Let's head to the sugar mill."

The Sugar Mill

 * "I am not dying in a goddamn sugar mill."
 * "Hurry up, people. We don't wanna get stuck out here in a storm."
 * "If this rain really comes, we gonna get washed away."
 * "We already got plague. Maybe the Lord'll let us slide on the flood."
 * "A whole lotta damn Witches up in this place."
 * "All these pale-assed crazy ladies are gettin' on my last nerve."
 * "Maybe the rain's bringin' them out."
 * "What the hell do THEY got to cry about? We're the ones getting attacked."
 * "Through the cane field!"
 * "Close the door and we can bust the cans outta this locker."
 * "So we gotta get past the sugar mill."
 * "Bitches every ten feet in this goddamn place."
 * "Dang. Bitches must like sugar."
 * "Goddamn it, wha't with all these witches."

Mill Escape

 * "All right, people. Everybody got a can?"
 * "Let's head back to the boat."
 * "Getting' back to the boat ain't gonna be as easy as gettin' here."
 * "I told ya these storms come up quick."

Return to Town

 * "The boat ain't far. One last push and we're outta here."
 * "Keep to high ground!"

Town Escape

 * "I have NEVER been so happy to see a Burger Tank! And believe me, I have been HAPPY to see some Burger Tanks!"
 * "If we fire up the Burger Tank sign, Virgil might see it."
 * "Burger Tank! Oh, we made it!"
 * "Better not be any goddamn instant mud people, just add water."
 * "Man, I ain't ever gonna be dry."

The Waterfront

 * "Thanks, Virgil. You stay safe, brother."
 * "We made it REAL damn far, people. I'm proud of you. Now let's just cross that last mile."
 * "We BEEN through hell getting here. Now we're at the last mile. Let's make this COUNT."
 * "They're still flying jets!"

The Park
[After reading graffiti about CEDA ] "Where is CEDA? Zombified. * Alternate saying "Good question where the hell is CEDA, coz i'd like to cap one of their asses when i see one of em."
 * "How does bein' so right feel, Nick?"
 * "These ain't zombies. Somebody's been shootin' people."
 * "I don't know shit. We gonna keep movin'."
 * "Warning alarm will sound if door is opened upon clearance from tower."
 * "Alarm's gonna sound when we open the door."
 * "Through the bus station!"

The Cemetery
'''
 * "Army abandoned this neighborhood."
 * "Zombies didn't bring down that chopper."
 * "There was some kinda war goin on out here."
 * "Everyone into the sewer."
 * "Nick! Good news - we're going down into this sewer."
 * "Man Nick, You picked a bad day to wear your white suit."'''
 * Nick: "Tell me about it..."


 * "Alarms everywhere, people. Watch yourselves!"
 * "WOULD YOU STOP SHOOTIN' THE GODDAMN CARS?!"
 * [When the jets blows up the freeway] "MOTHER FU-"
 * "All right. Shit. Nobody panic. We gonna head down and find another way up onto the bridge."

The Quarter

 * "Man, they're lighting up this whole place. We gotta get to the bridge."
 * "STOP BOMBING US."
 * "Shit. Damn, that one was close!"
 * "There's a safe room in it!"

The Bridge

 * [ Upon contacting the military via the radio on The Bridge ] Military: "Bridge, are you immune?"
 * Coach: "We are NOT infected."
 * Military: "Negative Bridge, are you IMMUNE? Have you encountered the Infected?"
 * Coach: "Encountered? Boy, I am covered in zombie blood and puke and eyeballs and twenty other parts I don't even recognize. We are immune as SHIT!"
 * [ Upon reaching the beginning of The Lift Bridge(?) ] "Oh yeah...our goal is right next to the bridge! ON THE OTHER MOTHER EFFIN' SIDE OF THE WATER!!"
 * [ At the beginning of the bridge ] "Allrightallright. We gonna stroll across that bridge, and the army's gonna take care of us."
 * Nick: "Or they're gonna line us up against the wall and shoot us."
 * Coach: "Well you free to make yourself a new life right here in this room Nick."
 * Nick: "Okay alright lets go."
 * "Well, you free to make yourself a new life here in this room, Nick."
 * "Those sound like soldiers! Somebody talk to 'em."
 * "Somebody pick up the radio."
 * "We gotta lower that drawbridge."
 * "You want to TEST me? I been through HELL to get to here! You are NOT the one to take me down!"
 * "I walked through a WORLD OF SHIT to get here! I am not gonna die now! I am NOT gonna DIE NOW!"

Misc

 * [When seeing a riot zombie]: "That zombie's got armor.I WANT ARMOR!!
 * [ Reading the sign at the start of The Parish ] "Infected detected, no shit."
 * [Reading a sign, laughing] "Form orderly line."

Friendly Fire

 * [ When shot ] "Hey! Stop shooting me, all right!?"
 * "Will you cut that shit out!"
 * "Cut that shit out!"
 * "Excuse me? EXCUSE ME!?!"
 * "Lets not start shooting each other now, okay?"
 * "Shoot me again, and you gonna be meetin' your maker right soon."
 * "Do that again and I'll come back on you."
 * "Boy, quit pointing that thing on my way."
 * "Y'all gotta stop shootin' me."
 * "There's gonna be some biblical shit happening to you if you do that again."
 * "Let's not all start shootin' each other now."
 * "Are you outta your mind shootin' at me?"
 * "Work as a team, people. Work as a team."
 * [ When shot by Rochelle ] "Girl, you gotta learn to shoot."
 * "Little Sister. You'll have to learn to shoot."
 * [ When shot by Nick ] "Nicolas, I thought you knew how to use a gun."
 * "I'm trying to tell you, shooting each other is not helping each other."
 * "Shootin' me? That's some crazy shit."
 * "I swear to god you can't shoot worth shit!"
 * "Come on now! Let's put some effort into this!"
 * "Come on now seriously!"

Scavenge

 * [At the beginning of a Scavenge map] "Haul ass and get gas!!"
 * "Let's GO! Find the gas cans!"
 * [ When the survivors win ] "YEEEAH!"

Uncategorized

 * [ When car alarm starts ] "Game on, ladies..."
 * [ Randomly said when being controlled by a bot and Nick says "Let's go! Let's go! ] "F'sho! F'sho!" *chuckle*
 * "Chicken ain't nothing but a bird."
 * "Ain't been called nothin' but Coach for a long time."
 * "Rochelle, you gotta find another window, this here is the men's room."
 * "I wonder if they got dinner cookin'?"
 * "Oh you know we'll be here. We ain't got any other pressin' engagements."
 * "Man, I sure wish the Burger Tank was open"
 * "I knew Burger Tank wouldn't let us down."
 * "Good question, where in the hell is CEDA? Cause I'd like to shoot some of their asses."
 * "Hide? Pussies."
 * "All right, you MENTIONED pancakes, but it wasn't really ABOUT them, was it?"
 * "Nick, get your OCD-smelling ass in the chopper!"
 * "Hey, Nick, you smell THAT? That's the smell of Coach gettin' mad."
 * "Dollars to donuts, that chopper's headin' to the mall across town."
 * "We gonna set up tents and shit, or keep movin'?"