Nick/Quotes

A list of Nick's Quotes heard so far in Left 4 Dead 2.

Intro

 * [ Seeing Ellis being attacked by a Jockey in the Zombie Survival Guide trailer ] "Shit!"
 * [ Responding to Coach's complaints about climbing stairs in Zombie Survival Guide trailer ] "Come on, Coach. Maybe the helicopter...maybe it's made of chocolate."
 * [ Seeing how the helicopters flee the area in Zombie Survival Guide trailer ] "Looks like there's been a change of plans..."
 * [ In background ] "I have not...come this far...to die now."

General

 * "We got a Safe House!"
 * [ Waiting for the other Survivors to get into the Safe Room ] "You don't want to make me come out there for ya!"
 * [ When the Survivors finish a level ] "I'm starting to like you guys!"
 * "You guys aren't so damn bad!"
 * "Happy new year!" (referencing Francis' use of "Merry Christmas")
 * "And THAT is how you do it!"
 * "And that, my friends, is how you do it!"
 * "Take that, you mealy-mouthed bastards!"
 * [ When two Survivors or fewer survive a level, or if all Survivors are low on health at the end ] "That was too close..."
 * "That was way...too...close."
 * "We made that by the skin of our teeth."
 * "At least I made it!"
 * [ At the beginning of a chapter ] "I'm in the middle of nowhere..."
 * "What the hell was this guy doing?"
 * "You sure we shouldn't just panic? I mean, I think panic was invented for just this sort of situation."
 * [unknown] (to Coach) I trust you. You look like a man who knows his doughnuts.

Commands
These are derived from the PC commands when using the Z, X, or C keys.

Yes

 * "Yes; yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah."
 * "Yeppers."
 * "Yesssss."
 * "Yes."
 * "Yeah."

No

 * "NO!"
 * "Yeah, no."
 * "No."
 * "Nope."
 * "No-Siree-Bob."
 * "Uh-oh."

Look

 * "Look at this."
 * "Check it out."
 * "Over there."
 * "Look."
 * "Look here."

Argh

 * "This is all going to Hell!"
 * "Goddammit!"
 * "Damn..." (However does not make a sound because it's "out of bounds" by something like "7.00000")
 * "Ah, Tits!"
 * "SCREW THIS!"
 * "What an assclown."
 * "ASSCLOWN!"
 * "Shit."
 * "BITCH!"

Taunt

 * "We're the four riders of the goddamn apocalypse!"
 * "Take that, you mealy-mouthed bastards!"
 * "Stick that where the sun don't shine!"
 * "And that is how you do it!"
 * "Candyasses!"
 * "You don't stand a chance!"
 * "Suck on this!"
 * "Stick that up your ass!"
 * "We are walking through the valley of the shadow of death, and we are kickin' ass! "

Follow Me

 * "This way."
 * "Over here."
 * "Follow me."
 * "C'mon this way."
 * "Keep up."
 * "Okay, this way."

Lead the Way

 * "Whatever you say, Farmer Joe."
 * "Lead on."
 * "Right behind you."
 * "Lead on, Macduff."
 * "Yeah, you go first."
 * "Lead on, smart guy."
 * "Why not, I follow you"

Ready

 * "Ok, we ready?"
 * "We ready?"
 * "Everybody ready?"
 * "Ready?"
 * "Everyone ready?"

Good job

 * "Impressive."
 * "Nice shot, Ace."
 * "Howdja.. do that?"
 * "Great shot."
 * [ To Rochelle ] "Damn, Rochelle."
 * "Rochelle...damn."
 * "ACES!"

Thank you

 * "I owe you one."
 * "Thanks."

Specific to Dead Center, in The Hotel

 * "Are you guys ready?"
 * "You think you can handle this?"
 * "If you aren't ready, I don't wanna hear it."

Negative responses

 * "Ass!"
 * "Assclown!"
 * "Screw this!"
 * "ASSHOLE!"
 * "DUMBSHIT!"
 * "Kiss my ass!"
 * "Is this some kind of sick joke?!"
 * "Tits!"
 * "Ah, tits!"
 * "Bitch!"
 * "Goddamit"
 * "WHAT THE F-"

Health related

 * [ When being brought back from the dead ] "AHH... Don't ever do that again!"
 * "QUIT SHOCKING ME, WILL YA?"
 * "Stop shocking me!"
 * [ When grabbing Pills ] "Can always use these."
 * "I'll hold on to these pills."
 * "Ah, a little pick me up."
 * "Pills here!"
 * "I got pills"
 * [ When incapacitated ] "I can't do this on my own, someone give me some help!"
 * "Anyone going to lend me a hand here?!"
 * [ When healing another Survivor ] "Now don't waste this by getting pounced on or something."
 * "Let Doctor Nick fix ya up."
 * "Don't worry, I've done this before."
 * "I should probably save this for me, but...what the hell."
 * "Here, you've earned this."
 * "[In a low voice, on The Hotel ] "Now don't tell the others I'm doing this... I'm only doing this for you."
 * [ When low on health ] "Don't this beat all? I'm about to die..."
 * "Alright, I gotta call Uncle here! I need some help."
 * "Goddammit goddammit god...dammit!"
 * "What was I thinking coming down here?"
 * "I'm not going to make it much longer, my friends."
 * "If I go, you guys are gonna miss me!"
 * "I have seriously felt better!"
 * "Pull yourself together, man. You're [grunts in pain] fallin' apart!"
 * "This is not [grunts in pain] how it's gonna end."
 * "I am sick...and tired...of being sick and tired."
 * "Okay, alright, you can do this... You can do this..."
 * "Stop being a baby, you've felt worse after a night of drinking."
 * "Well this looks like it for me!"
 * "I really screwed the pooch back there."
 * [ When low on health in Swamp Fever ] "I am not going to become gator food..."
 * "I am not going to die in this swamp..."
 * [ When low on health in Hard Rain; a reference to Apocalypse Now ] "Never get out of the boat. Never get out of the boat. Never get out of the boat."
 * "What the hell were we thinking stopping here?"
 * "Guys, I seem to have slipped!"
 * "Try again, little man."
 * [ From the Zombie Survival Guide trailer/When low on health ] "I have not...come this far...to die now!"
 * "I am not going to die in this city."
 * [ When reviving another player ] "Get up, get up, get up!"
 * "Aw shit, get up, get up!"
 * "Ah shit, come on, come on."
 * "Don't worry, I'll get your ass out of this mess."
 * "Easy there, fireball. Let me get you up."
 * "We...I need you a little longer."
 * "Come on, get up. Get up, you're not dead yet."
 * "What's your name, here you go."
 * [ When revived by Rochelle ] "Thanks, Ro."
 * [ When revived by Ellis ] "Thanks, killer."
 * [ Reviving someone on their second down ] "You are messed up - If you don't get yourself healed up, that's it."
 * "You seriously cannot go down again, 'kay? 'Cause if you do, you're not going to make it."
 * "You're starting to worry me. I thought that was it for you, but if you go down like that again, that's it for you."
 * "I'm gonna get you up, but you go down again, that's it."
 * "We can't afford to lose you...yet."
 * [ When a Survivor dies ] "Ahhh, SHIT!"
 * "we just screwed our odds..."
 * [ When Rochelle dies ] "There goes repopulating the Earth."
 * "Rochelle, aw shit."
 * "Good night, Rochelle."
 * "I can think of two other people I would have rather seen go first."
 * [ When Coach dies ] "Aww....Coach..."
 * "Later, Coach."
 * "Shit, Coach...I'll miss ya."
 * "Goddamn it, Coach, what'd you leave me with?"
 * You were a hell of a man, Coach.
 * [ When Ellis dies ] "Ellis...Aww...Ellis..."
 * "Ellis, I'm surprised you lasted as long as you did."
 * "Y'know all those things I said about you, Ellis? I was joking..."
 * [ Inside the Rescue Closet ] "You know I'm going to be a big help. Just get me out of here!"
 * "I'm no use to anyone in here, get me out of here!"
 * [ After healing ] "Alright, now I'm back."
 * "That worked."
 * "Ah. Better."
 * [ When both Coach & Rochelle are dead ] "Hey Ellis, you know all those things I said? I was kidding."

Weapon related

 * [ Axe ] "A freaking axe!"


 * "Axe."
 * [ Frying pan ] "Gonna bonk some heads with this!"
 * "A skillet!"
 * "This'll work."
 * [ Cricket bat ] "This could be fun."
 * "Nice!"
 * [ Golf club ] "Club here."
 * "Grabbin' a driver!'
 * [ Katana ] "Ninja sword here!"
 * "This could be fun!"
 * [ Molotov ] "Grabbing a Molotov."
 * "Molotov."
 * [ Bile Bomb ] "That can't be a bottle of puke, is it? I can't believe I just said that."
 * "Is that a bottle of puke?"
 * [Throwing a Bile Bomb] "Puke in the hole!"
 * "Fight amongst yourselves!"
 * [ Chainsaw (While killing) ] "YEAAAAHHH!"
 * "DIE, DIE!"
 * "SUCK ON THIS!"
 * "YEAH! DIE!"
 * [ Explosive Ammunition ] "Grabbin' some frag rounds!"
 * "Explosive rounds here!"
 * [ Incendiary Ammunition ]
 * "Grabbin' fire bullets!"
 * [While deploying it/grabbing some] "Let's start some fires, people!"
 * [ Grenade Launcher ] "Time to make some zombie soup."
 * "Hell yeah, grenade launcher!"
 * "Grenade launcher here!"
 * [ Crowbar ] "I cannot WAIT to find a crate!"
 * "Crowbar!"
 * "Grabbin' a crowbar!"
 * [ When throwing pipe bomb ] "Pipe bomb out!"
 * "Chase this you zombie bastards!"
 * [ Upon picking up a Nightstick or Baseball Bat ] "I'm gonna whack the shit outta something with this."
 * "This is nice. I'm gonna crack some heads with it."
 * "This brings back some good memories."
 * Coach:"You play ball, Nick?"
 * Nick: "Nope. Bouncer at a club."


 * [ Upon finding weapons ] "Everybody grab a weapon!"
 * "Weapons over here."
 * [ When picking up weapons at Whitaker's gun shop ] "I'm not legally allowed to own a gun...hope everyone is okay with that..."
 * [ Finding a Magnum ] "Niiiiiiice!"
 * [ Picking up a M60 ] "Shit, this is heavy."
 * "Shit. Now this is a gun!"

General

 * [ After lighting several Infected on fire ] "Smells like dinner!"
 * [ When the Horde is coming ] "This is why we've got guns!"
 * "Goddamn, its gettin' good!"

Uncommon Infected

 * [ Infected Jimmy Gibbs Jr. ] "GodDAMN you, Jimmy Gibbs Jr.!"
 * [ Fallen Survivor ] "Is that a Survivor?"
 * "Kill that zombie, he's got something!"
 * "Did that zombie just drop something?"
 * "That zombie dropped something!"
 * [ Clown ] "Kill every clown you see!"
 * "Kill the clown, he's attracting more zombies!"
 * "Kill the clown!"
 * "That squeaking is driving the zombies crazy!"
 * "Shoot the clown!"
 * "Screw these goddamn mud people!"
 * [ CEDA ] "Hazmat guys!"
 * "Guess those suits don't stop bites."
 * "Are those guys fireproof?"
 * "Guess those suits don't stop bites."
 * "Let's find another way. This suit's flammable."
 * "Watch out for the...the big fat thing!"
 * [ Riot Infected ] "Those zombies are wearing armor?"
 * "Shoot the armored zombies in the back!"

Boomers

 * "You hear that Boomer? Don't let him spew on you."
 * "Boomer around. Don't shoot him if he's near me! OKAY?"
 * "Goiter man!"
 * "Aunt Bee."
 * "Fat guy!"
 * "Fatty!"
 * "So that's a Boomer, huh? You know, it's sad to see an eating disorder get out of control like that."
 * [ When covered in Boomer bile ] "Goddamn it! I am covered in vomit again."
 * "I'm blind!"
 * "Ahhh, this is some nasty shit."
 * "Aw, goddammit!"
 * "Urgh! This is nasty shit!"
 * "Uh, dammit. I am covered - in vomit - again."
 * "I'm blind!"

Chargers

 * "Hillbilly!"
 * "Overalls!"
 * "One Arm!"
 * "WE GOT A CHARGER!"
 * "Shoot the big guy pounding me into the ground!"
 * "Can someone shoot this goddamn thing?!"
 * "This thing is beating my ass!"
 * "Kill this goddamn thing!"
 * "Shoot him! Shoot him!"
 * "Charger's got me!"
 * "Keep your eyes peeled, I hear a Charger."
 * "Shoot that Charger!"
 * "Look out now! Charger!"
 * "Charger... Ellis!"
 * "So that's a Charger, huh? I think he worked out that arm plenty. He should move onto back and legs."
 * "So that's a Charger, huh? Heh. You know what they say about zombies with one big arm..."

Hunters

 * "Scrawny little bitch I'm gonna kill."
 * "Pay attention, Hunter's around."
 * "GET IT OFF ME!"
 * "GET IT! GET IT!"
 * "You hear that Hunter?"
 * "What the hell is that noise?"
 * "It's something we have to kill."
 * "Can you hear that?"
 * "Pay attention; there's a Hunter around."
 * "So that's a Hunter, huh? What's he gonna do; go for a JOG at me?"

Jockeys

 * "Little guy!"
 * "Little freak!"
 * "Kill this Jockey on me!"
 * "Shoot this thing off my back!"
 * "JOCKEY! JOCKEY!"
 * "Ten bucks says it takes him to the left!"
 * "Get it off me!"
 * "Shoot this thing on my back!"
 * "Get this thing off my back!"
 * "So that's a Jockey, huh? Cute little guy."
 * "One of those little Jockey bastards around."

Smokers

 * "Shoot the tongue! Shoot the tongue!"
 * "Smoker's GOT ME!"
 * "Freaking tongue!?"
 * "What the? Ahh, gross shit."
 * "TONGUE!"
 * "The smoking thing!"
 * "So that's a Smoker, huh? Bet he's popular with the lady zombies."

Spitters

 * "Green thing!"
 * "Neck!"
 * "Hot stuff coming!"
 * "We got goo coming!"
 * "Fire spit coming!"
 * "There's a Spitter around."
 * "I got hit by the burning goo shit!"
 * "Ugh, what in the hell did that thing just do?"
 * What is this shit on me?"
 * "Goddammit, that hurts!"
 * "So that's a Spitter, huh? You think she's single?"

Tanks

 * "I hope that's not bullet proof."
 * "We are screwed."
 * "Maybe if we don't move it won't see us."
 * "Okay, that's reason to panic."
 * "What in the hell sign of the apocalypse is that?"
 * "Freaking Tank is killing me!"
 * "Mother of mercy! This thing is killing me!"
 * "Do you see this big giant thing on me?!"
 * "HOLY SHIT! BIG FREAKING ZOMBIE!"
 * "We have a problem!"
 * "WE GOT A TANK!"
 * "You! Shoot the Tank!"
 * "Man up, we got a Tank!"
 * "Shoot the Tank!"
 * "Everyone, shoot the Tank!"
 * "YOU! Shoot the Tank!"
 * "Tank inbound!"
 * "Get ready, we got a Tank!"
 * "Hold steady! Tank!"

Witches

 * "I PISSED THE WITCH OFF!"
 * "A crying woman. What, do you think she's sad the mall's closed?"
 * "Heh, that sounds like my ex-wife."
 * "ELLIS! Leave that Witch alone."
 * "This bitch is chasing me!"
 * "Shoot the witch! Shoot the witch! What are you doing?! Shoot the witch!"

The Hotel

 * "Goddammit, we just missed it!"
 * So much for the rescue, any ideas?
 * We're still here!
 * "Where the hell's that 'copter going? We're right here!"
 * "Hey come back!"
 * "Dammit, we just missed it!"
 * "Hey get back here!"
 * "Hey, come back, I'm here! There's still someone down here!"
 * "You could've yelled if you wanted."
 * "Goddammit, they left us."
 * "They saw us alright and they're not coming back."
 * "Not to burst your bubble sport, but this building is burning down. They're not coming back."
 * "Okay, helicopters don't come back when you yell at 'em. Now we know that."
 * "Good, that's decided. Moving on: I think this building's on fire. Sooo...I'd like to leave this building."
 * "Good, that's decided. Moving on: I think this building's on fire. Sooo...I'd like to leave it."
 * "Okay. Helicopters don't come back when you yell at 'em. Valuable lesson, you three tuck that away for later. Now grab a weapon and follow me. This goddamn building's on fire."
 * "Hey! Loud girl. (Rochelle) Hayseed. (Ellis) Tons of fun. (Coach) This building? It's on FIRE. Grab a weapon and let's get the hell out of here."
 * "It's flying away from the burning building we're standing on; let's follow its lead and get the hell out of here."
 * "Okay, we all had a turn yelling at the helicopter. Good. Moving on: I think the building's on fire."
 * "Grab something; I got a feeling this isn't gonna be easy."
 * "We better arm ourselves. I hope you three know how to fight. You don't look it."
 * "If the world's going to hell, I'm taking a weapon."
 * "Everybody grab a weapon. I get the feeling we're gonna need 'em."
 * "Lets grab some weapons, I have a feeling somethings down there."
 * " I hope you three know how to fight - you don't look it."
 * "Holy SHIT, it's zombies!"
 * "Oh this is unexpected."
 * "These don't look like people."
 * "Jesus Christ, what are these things?!"
 * "I dunno about you, but I'm killing these things!"
 * "Zombies eh, I knew zombies were real."
 * "If that map's right, New Orleans might be the last place in America that can get us out alive."
 * "According to this map, the only place left standing is New Orleans."
 * "Jesus, the whole country's falling."
 * "This map is NOT good news."
 * "According to this map there aren't a whole lot of options."
 * "Looks like New Orleans is the last place on Earth that can get us out alive."
 * "Dammit, elevator's out!"
 * "Alright, I'm not walking through THAT. Let's find another way."
 * "Let's find another way. This suit's flammable."
 * "Shit! This place's burning up fast!"
 * "Get out to the ledge!"
 * "Out here, let's try the ledge!"
 * "We can use this ledge to get around the fire!"
 * "This elevator's still working!"
 * "Technically...you're not supposed to use an elevator on a fire. But that might not apply during a ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE."
 * "Everybody get in the elevator!"
 * "Anyone get bit? Isn't that how this works?"
 * "Well I'm glad I got that out of the way. Now, did anyone get bit?"
 * "There's blood on me, but it ain't mine."
 * "No, I'm good."
 * "And then there were three."
 * "We're pretty screwed."
 * "Was it Ellis? Doesn't matter now."
 * "I think it was Coach. Don't matter now."
 * "I think she said she was Rochelle."
 * "I normally go solo, but under these circumstances, I'm thinking we stick together. Call me Nick. You got names?"
 * "Hey. What's your name?"
 * "Nick. Name's Nick. You all did good. What are your names?"
 * "I'm Nicolas...Nick."
 * "Name's Nick, but don't bother learning it 'cause I ain't sticking around long."
 * "Nick. That's all you need to know."
 * "Nick."
 * "Name's Nick."
 * "Nick. Not that it matters, 'cuz I think we should split up when this thing opens."
 * [ If Rochelle has the most kills by the time you get to the elevator ] "You did good out there, Rochelle."
 * "I bet there's gonna be some'thn's waiting for us out there. So let's get ready."
 * "Alright, we're all friends now. Get ready."
 * "Search these rooms, might be somethin' we can use."

The Streets

 * "Sounds good to me!"
 * "A gun store sounds like a fine place to stop."
 * "I guess living here's finally paying off."
 * Coach: "Mister, I don't think I like your attitude."
 * Nick: "Whatever."


 * "Get me to the mall and I'll make it worth your while."
 * "Mall must be close."
 * "Candy store for adults!"
 * "Let's grab some guns, we got shit to shoot!"
 * "I'm not legally allowed to own a gun...hope everyone's okay with that."
 * "So let me get this straight: we get you your shit and you'll help us get to the mall, right? Okay, you screw us, and I will kill you with your own gun."
 * "Thanks for the guns, honestly. We all appreciate it. But you better not be screwing with us."
 * "Sure. Why not?"
 * "Sir, for the use of this gun, I am willing to go get you your Cola."
 * "Buddy, if you can get me out of this alive, I will deep fry you an entire goddamn cow."
 * "Get ready, this is gonna set off the alarm!"
 * "Get the Cola!"
 * "Grab the Cola!"
 * "Somebody grab the Cola!"
 * "I got his cola, let's go!"
 * "We got it, let's go!"
 * "Got the cola!"
 * "Barrier's down, let's get out of here!"
 * "There goes the tanker; Let's get out of here!"
 * "That's one way to open a path!"
 * "I gotta respect that!"
 * "THAT is how you clear a path!"
 * "I'll be damned. We actually made it to the mall!"
 * "Well we made it! Let's hope there's still somebody here."
 * "Okay, we made it! Let's hope there's still somebody here."
 * "Okay, we made it to the mall. Barely."

The Mall

 * "If anyone sees a men's store, let me know. I've got blood on my suit."
 * "Let's go find the evacuation center. I'm already sick of this place."
 * "Ugh, God, I hate malls!"
 * "Disco pants and haircuts. Man, lots of space in this mall."
 * "Up this escalator!"
 * "Down that escalator!"
 * "I'm get a sinking feeling this alarm's gonna get us some attention."
 * "I got a sick feeling this alarm's gonna get us some attention."
 * "Keep going up!"
 * "Up, up, keep moving!"
 * "Turn off that alarm!"
 * "We gotta turn off this alarm!"
 * "We need to turn off this alarm!"
 * "Is there some way to turn off this alarm?!"
 * "How do we turn this alarm off?"
 * "Got it."
 * "Alarm off!"
 * "Thanks for turning off that alarm!"
 * "Man, that was driving me crazy!"
 * "You know what, I can take the zombies, but not that goddamn noise!"
 * "Agh, Jesus, I knew it! There's nothing here!"
 * "Okay, so the evac station's abandoned, annnnd we're at the center of a zombie-filled building. On the bright side? We're all probably gonna die."
 * "CEDA. Leaving me twice in one day, lesson learned."
 * "No one's alive in here."
 * "We aren't getting saved!"

The Atrium

 * "Who the hell is Jimmy Gibbs Jr.?"
 * "I'm getting sick at looking at this guy's face!"
 * "Really? 'Cause he looks like an asshole."
 * "So much for the rescue. Any ideas?"
 * "CEDA's not gonna save us. Any ideas?"
 * "I think the little guy's on to something. Let's give it a shot!"
 * "I'll agree to the idea. But I'M driving."
 * "Well, beats my idea; staying here and dying in the mall."
 * "What a fun road trip this will be."
 * "Okay. Let's gas up the car and get the hell out of this mall."
 * "Let's get some gas!"
 * "Fill 'er up!"
 * "Come on! Come on!"
 * "COME ON!"
 * "Get in the tank, you stupid goddamn gas, get in the tank."
 * "Piece of shit gas, GET IN THE CAR!"
 * "Got another can in the tank!"
 * "One more for the gas tank!"
 * "How big is the tank in this thing?!"
 * "Hurry up, HURRY UP!"
 * "Come on comeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeon come on!"
 * "GET! IN! THE! TANK!"
 * "We still need more gas!"
 * "Halfway there!"
 * "Almost there!"
 * "We still need 10 more!"
 * "We still need 5 more!"
 * "Just 3 more!"
 * "Just 2 more!"
 * "One more can to go!"
 * "She's all filled up, let's go, get to the car!"
 * "Get to the car!"
 * "Would you get to the goddamn car?!"
 * "Everyone to the car!"
 * "I'm not waiting long, get to the car!"
 * "Time to leave, people!"
 * "Time to go!"
 * "Let's go people, let's go!"
 * "Thank YOU Jimmy Gibbs Jr.!"
 * "HELL YEAH! Next stop: New Orleans!"
 * "Hit it, Ellis!"

Unused

 * [ Upon entering the gun store in The Streets ] "Alright! A candy store for adults!"
 * "HELICOPTER. It is a HELICOPTER. You call that thing a 'whirly-bird' one more time, I'll beat you SO bad, your sister's gonna wish she never gave birth to you."
 * [ After hearing Ellis's idea at the finale ] "Well that beats my idea, staying here and dying in the mall."
 * Nick: "I'll agree to the idea, but I'm driving."
 * Ellis: "Actually, I think the guy who came up with the idea to drive the stock car should get to drive the stock car." [Alternate Line] "Only if I get killed [sic]. Otherwise you better kill me, cause I'M driving."
 * Nick: "What a fun road trip this will be."

The Port
Francis: "Ahhh go to Hell, suit.
 * [ At the beginning when talking to Francis ] "I'm telling you the last goddamn time: Lower the goddamn bridge, you greasy vest-wearing monkey."

[ When talking to Zoey ] "That's terrific, cupcake. Is there a man up there we can talk to?

Zoey: "Boohoo, I dont know what to do... Go to Hell, Colonel Sanders!

Rochelle: "I can't believe you used to be a conartist."

Zoey: "I could shoot you where you stand."

Nick: "Hey, lighten up. Man no one can take a joke anymore."
 * [ 'Upon seeing the wedding ] "Wedding music, and a crying woman left at the altar. This is bringing back some bad memories."
 * "Ah christ, This is more depressing than zombies."
 * [ When Coach is looking for the wedding cake ] "Coach, no time for cake."

Coach: "Man, I hope we don't see a Tank in a tuxedo."
 * [ Upon seeing the Witch bride ] "Careful. I've seen a bride just like this before."


 * [ Upon crowning a Witch bride ] "Honeymoon's over...bitch!"

The Underground
Nick: "One germ nearly wiped out the entire human race, so YES!"
 * [Safe room] Coach: "You're not scared of one little germ, are you, Nick?"
 * [Upon entering the tattoo parlor] "Y'know, I've never done a color tattoo before..."
 * "Who wants a tattoo
 * "If anybody sees any hand sanitizer, let me know."
 * Rochelle: [Laughs] "You're kidding right?"


 * Nick: "Yeah, hahaha, a little more hand sanitizer and we wouldn't be in this mess."


 * "I don't have a problem with leaving the car AND you behind. Okay Ellis?"
 * "Let's hurry across the plank before a Smoker gets us."
 * "Watch out for Chargers."
 * [ Upon entering the sewers ] "Oh, this is some gross shit."
 * [ After entering the water ] "It's just a storm sewer, it is just a STORM sewer..."
 * Ellis: "Don't smell like one."


 * Nick: "Ellis, I need this."
 * Rochelle: "Hey Nick! Splash fight?"
 * Nick: "DON'T YOU DARE!"

Ellis: "Well, I still like you, Nick."
 * "I am breathing shit air into my lungs. It is being absorbed into my bloodstream. I am literally full of shit."
 * "Here's a pleasant thought: Any one of us gets pounced, we're going to be fully submerged in shit water."
 * [ In response to Ellis' comment about his suit ] "I hate you, Ellis!"
 * [ During the Gauntlet Crescendo ] "Goddammit! Back into the shit water!"
 * "Shit! Back in the toilet"
 * "Back in the water."
 * "Don't stop in the sewer!"
 * [ Upon seeing the suitcase full of guns and money ] "I like the way this guy packs!" [Alternate Line] "Don't mind if I do."
 * "From one con man to another: five bucks for this? I tip my hat to you, Rayford."
 * "Five goddamn bucks for a tour under the river? Well played, Rayford...well played."

Nick: "Yeah a tunnel. I guess you're right Coach History is coming alive"
 * "What did we just pay five bucks for?"

Coach: " Shut up Nick!"

Ellis: Actually i like to see that too.

Coach: Both of you shut up!
 * [ Upon see the 'Phase Two' sign ] "Phase Two - Does this even go through?" [Alternate Line] "Should we wait until they finish?"
 * "I'll give a thousand dollars to whoever gives me a piggyback ride." [Note: the subtitles say "thousand dollars" but Nick says "thousand bucks"]
 * "So...it's an antique basement... Fantastic."
 * "Ellis, did you get that girl's name? 'Cause I can tattoo it on your ass. She'll like that."
 * "I guess they'll help right? First we fill up Jimmy Gibbs' car with gas, now a generator. What next? Don't answer that, Ellis."

The Port

 * [ While in the Safe Room ] "So we're about to see that girl again - what's her name, Zoey?"
 * Ellis: "Okay, you know what? No need to remind me, Nick. I'm a nervous wreck over here."


 * Nick: "What're you nervous about? You had your chance, and you didn't do shit. Now, you can watch Nick take care of business."


 * Rochelle: "Nick, being one of the last two women alive, I can safely say at least half of the women in this world hate you." [Alternate Line] "Nick, you need to find a woman who hates herself. Then she'll love you." [Or] "Nick. Leave him alone."


 * [ In response to Ellis asking how he looks ] "Like you ran through a sewer."
 * Ellis: "Well, there's a turd on your shoulder."
 * Nick: "I'm not even gonna look."

Nick: "That's funny, because I knew your lazy ass would still be here."
 * [ In response to Louis killing something ] "You're a badass with that gun, Louis!"
 * "Hey Louis, are you sure you don't wanna come with us? We can leave Ellis behind."
 * [ When filling up the generator ] "Why is everything always empty?"
 * "Why doesn't anything ever have enough gas in it!?"
 * [' When meeting Francis for the second time ] Francis: "Never thought a fancy ass like you would have made it this far."

Francis: "Well at least I don't have a turd on my suit." Nick: "Uh, yeah, I put it there."

(Alternate) Ellis: "Nick, I told you you had a turd on your shoulder."

Nick: "Ellis!"
 * [ In response to Rochelle defending Ellis when Nick teases him about Zoey ] "What? I'm a handsome man."


 * [Alternate Line] "A-B-C. Always Be Closing"(Taken from Alec Baldwin's speech in Glengarry Glen Ross)


 * [Alternate Line]"What? I'm a closer."
 * [ When Francis makes a kill ] "I owe you one, Francis."
 * "Nice shot, Francis!"

Dark Carnival

 * [ At the start of the Dark Carnival ] "I hate to be the bearer of bad news guys, but unless Ellis knows how to build a monster truck, we AIN'T driving through this."
 * Ellis: "Sorry, guys. I guess my idea wasn't so hot after all."
 * Nick: "Don't sweat it, Ellis. At least you got us out of that mall."
 * [Alternate Line] "Goddamn you, Jimmy Gibbs Jr.!"
 * Ellis: "That's not cool Nick." [Alternate Line] "Now that was uncalled for. Serious."


 * [ In response to Coach explaining he went to Whispering Oaks as a kid. ] "Great. Now we can all die there as adults!"
 * "I think our options are keep moving down the road towards those lights or die here. Anyone in the "die here" camp? No? Then let's move out."
 * [ After Coach comments on having gone to Whispering Oaks as a child ] "Oh, good. Now we can die there as adults."
 * [ On The Highway ] "These abandoned cars go on for miles!"
 * Coach: "Maybe they left em' when they got rescued."
 * Nick: "That's...one theory."


 * [ Upon noticing the burned bodies in the pool at the motel in 'The Highway ]''' "*whistles* Those people SUCKED at high diving."
 * [ Upon seeing the pool in The Highway ] "They're not kidding when they say no lifeguards on duty."
 * [ While going down the hill in the first chapter ] "Whoa, shit!"
 * [ After going down the hill in the first chapter and Ellis makes a comment about going downhill being "fun" ] "Falling and breaking my neck is not fun, Ellis."
 * [While looking at the Lil' Peanut cutout in Dark Carnival ] "I do not like that little peanut man."
 * Ellis: "Man, how can you not like Lil' Peanut? I love this little guy!"


 * "Anybody else find this peanut thing a little terrifying?"
 * [ Before The Fairgrounds Crescendo event ] "You gotta be this tall to get in here, Ellis. Sorry, buddy. You'll be missed."
 * Ellis: "Ha ha. Aren't you the comedian."
 * looks abandoned.
 * as far as evac goes, this is not the worst place to hual up.


 * "Nice fencing. Looks like a federal carousel penitentiary."
 * "A fenced-in carousel. Is this where they took child prisoners on day trips?"
 * [ Upon seeing the switch to the Crescendo Event ] " We need to turn on this power to open the gate. You know what i think its gonna activate everything else around here."
 * [ In the second Safe Room in Dark Carnival ] "Why couldn't I have been in Vegas when the Infection hit, or even Atlantic City? Instead, I'm trapped in some goddamn hillbilly tunnel of love."
 * "Did you see the sign out front? Cousins-only day today."
 * "This is the most relaxing safe room i've ever been in"
 * [ In the beginning of the Tunnel of Love ] "You finally got your wish, Ellis. We're in an amusement park ride."
 * Ellis: "This ain't that kind of ride, Nick. [Whispering] This is where you make out with your girlfriend."
 * [Alternative Line] "Bringing back any memories, Coach? You, a cheeseburger, romance in the air..."
 * Coach: "How many tunnel of love memories YOU got, Nick?"
 * Nick: "Pfft. Huh. Several. Easily."


 * [ While moving through the Tunnel of Love in The Coaster ] "You could almost call this a cement river, Ellis!"
 * Ellis: "Yeah, very funny." [ Alternate Line ] "Ha, ha, ha."


 * "Into the swan maintenance room of love!"
 * "This is the longest tunnel of love I've ever seen!"
 * "That got us around the block."
 * [ In the air duct shortcut ] "Well, this isn't very romantic."
 * [ Running on the tracks during The Coaster ] "These Infected do NOT respect lines!"
 * go go go! cut in line!
 * "Thank God this doesn't do a loop."
 * just follow the tracks!
 * "I hate roller coasters."
 * "Make sure to call out if you get pulled."
 * we need something BIG to singnal the copter.
 * [ At the start of The Concert ] Coach: "Holy shit! It's the Midnight Riders!"
 * Nick: "Never heard of them, they any good?"
 * Coach: "Well hell yeah. I have ALL of the albums — even their new stuff that ain't no good! Best light show in the business, though."


 * [ In response to Coach's plan ] "Coach, that is the stupidest idea I've ever agreed with"
 * [ Beginning of Dark Carnival's Finale ] "I know I'm going to regret this, but turn it up!"
 * "Okay, we'll set off the pyrotechnics, but I'm telling you right now. I AM NOT GOING TO AIR GUITAR."
 * "I think I know how to start the finale; hit the button labeled 'Finale'."
 * "When I hit this tape, it's gonna blare some old people's rock music and start the finale. Get ready."
 * unless someone else has a better idea, lets rock.
 * "Coach, when I start this finale, you aren't gonna start dancing are you? Ahh, screw it, I'm hitting it."
 * "If you have any taste, cover your ears. I'm starting the finale."
 * "Hit the flash bangs!"
 * "I think the copter pilot wants us to turn it down."
 * "Ellis, I'm sorry to ruin your day, but I think your heroes are lip-singers. There's a button here labeled 'Finale'."
 * [ After seeing the helicopter in The Concert ]
 * "Coach, you're a genius! This worked!"
 * "It worked! I love you, Coach!"
 * "Great, following shiny lights in the sky. We're like freaking cats and a laser pointer."

Swamp Fever

 * [ In response to Ellis's reaction to him killing the pilot ] "Well he wasn't doing a very good job once he became a zombie, now was he?"
 * "I shot a zombie. He was a zombie, Ellis. He must have gotten bitten before he picked us up."
 * Rochelle: "That's true. If I had to pick a low point in the flight, it would probably be when he stopped flying the chopper and...attacked us. Anyone know where we are?"


 * "I still can't believe none of you were going to shoot him."
 * [ In response to Ellis talking about the blood farmers ] "Jesus Christ Ellis, like the goddamn zombies aren't bad enough."
 * [ When seeing the downed passenger jet ] "I guess walking isn't so bad."
 * [ Before triggering the emergency door in the jet ] "We can get through this door."
 * "I think it's a safe bet to say an alarm will sound when we open this door."
 * "We have to open this door."
 * "Someone open the door."
 * "The emergency exit is the only way."
 * [ When opening the door ] "I'm opening the door."
 * "Get ready, I'm opening the door."
 * [ When low on health ] "I am not dying in this goddamn swamp."
 * [ When jumping into deep water in Swamp Fever ] Nick: "Shit! All this swamp is gonna ruin my white suit!"
 * Rochelle: "[Laughs] You mean the one with zombie brains all over it? That one?"
 * Nick: "Brains come out, swamp water doesn't. Don't ask me how I know that."

Rochelle: "So what do you think is going to kill us? Gators, snakes, bugs, or mud people?
 * Nick: You're forgetting one thing - from the way we're shooting? Each other."


 * [ When crossing the river in Plank Country ] Rochelle: "Nick, what do you think the odds are that the swamp people are still alive?"
 * Nick: "What alive and Infected, or alive and not zombies?"
 * Rochelle: "Not zombies."
 * Nick: "100 to 1."
 * Rochelle: "Sound about right."

Hard Rain

 * [ While moving through the Witch-infested sugar mill ] "The last time I saw this many crying women was at my wedding."
 * [ At the beginning of the campaign ] "What are we supposed to signal him with?"
 * Ellis: "Oh, there's flares in the gun bag."
 * Nick: "What gun bag?"
 * Ellis: "You didn't grab the guns?"
 * Nick: "ME? Who died and made me gun monitor?"
 * Ellis: "Pretty much everybody."


 * Alternative conversation
 * Rochelle: "Well, this should be easy. All we need is to find some diesel."
 * Nick: "Anybody wanna hear a prediction?"
 * Everyone in synchronization:'' "No!"
 * Nick: "There's not gonna be any gas. Watch."


 * [ Seeing the sign at the first gas station ] Nick: "Out of gas...what did I tell ya."

Ellis: "Looks like we gotta head to this Ducatel place."

Nick: "What makes you think they still have gas?"

Coach: "'Cause if they dont, were gonna be stuck here forever, Nick."


 * "Looks like our milk run just became a marathon."

The Parish

 * [ The beginning of The Parish ] "I...have not...come this far...to die now."
 * [ In response to Coach saying how close they are to the bridge ] "You mean that blurry line in the horizon? Let's not get ahead of ourselves."
 * [ Alt ] "Yeah, well, seeing the bridge and getting there are two different things."
 * [ When the fighter jets fly by at the beginning of The Parish ] Coach: "Alright! The military's still here!"
 * Nick: "You don't evacuate people in fighter jets."
 * [ Alt ] Coach: "They still flyin' jets!"
 * Nick: "I wonder if that's a good thing."


 * [ Response to Ellis's horse comment ] "Ever eaten horse? Tasty."
 * Ellis: "Horses are for ridin', not eatin', Nick."


 * [ Upon seeing the bathrooms in The Park ] "From the looks of this park, I'm glad we didn't arrive early."
 * Nick: "Oh man it, smells awful in here." / "It smells like...piss."
 * Ellis: "I think it smells kinda nice."
 * Nick: "You're screwed up in the head, you know that?" [Alternate Line] "Goddammit, you are messed up."


 * [ Upon seeing uninfected dead bodies ] "Jesus! These are people! They were shooting people! I told you I bad feeling about this."
 * Coach: "How's it feel to be so right, Nick?"
 * Nick: "Not good..."


 * [ Before starting The Park's Crescendo Event ] "As soon as we open that door, get ready to run for the tower."
 * Ellis: "Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait...why we goin' to the tower?" {Alternate Line} " Hooey, why we headin' there?"
 * Nick: "We run to the tower, and we turn off the alarm!"
 * Ellis: "Oh! Okay, okay, I get it!"
 * [Alt]
 * Ellis : Wait we are going it together right?
 * Nick : Of course we going it together.


 * [Alt]
 * Nick : As soon as that door opens, get ready to run for the tower.
 * Coach : Got to agree with that.


 * [ Upon seeing the hash marks on the barricaded bedroom wall ] "Does this guy's scorecard mean what I think it means?"
 * "Jesus, it was open season on everything out here."
 * [ Upon entering the sewers ] "I am not going in the se-- Ah screw it! Let's go."
 * "Oh Christ, not the sewer."
 * "Ugh. What's that SMELL?"
 * [ Upon taking a Nightstick from a dead Riot Cop ] "I used to steal these from cops back in high school."
 * "If my friends ever saw me usin' a cop's gun..."
 * [ Upon entering the impound lot ] "Whoawhoawhoawhoa watch where you shoot!"
 * "If you wanna shoot cars, lets shoot cars!"
 * "Careful, carrrefullll..."
 * [ After reaching the freeway after the impound lot ] "We made it, I can't believe we actually made it!"
 * [ Fighter jets blow up the freeway in front of him ] "OH COME ON!"

[Alt] "Well, it's official. They're trying to kill US now."
 * [ In The Quarter's Safe Room, as bombs are being dropped ] "Christ, those guys are such assholes."
 * "Looks like they've run out of bridges to bomb."
 * [ In The Bridge's Safe Room ] Nick: "Before we run across this bridge right toward the people who've been dropping bombs on us, anyone wanna talk about a Plan B?"
 * Ellis: "I don't." / Coach: "No."
 * Nick: "Alright then, let's go."
 * [ Alt ] Coach: "Alright, alright, alright. We're gonna stroll across that bridge, and the army's gonna take care of us."
 * Nick: "Or, they're gonna line us up against the wall, and shoot us."
 * Coach: "Well, you're free to make yourself a new life right here in this room, Nick."
 * Nick: "Okay, alright, let's go."
 * [ Upon seeing The Parade ] Look, Ellis! A tractor.
 * [when seeing the helicopter at finale] GET TO THE CHOPPER!

Friendly Fire

 * [ When shot at ] "Are you really going to shoot a guy in a $3,000 suit? Come on!" [a reference to the television show Arrested Development]
 * "DON'T. SHOOT. ME."
 * "YOU. ARE. SHOOTING. ME."
 * "Well thank you for ventilating my suit."
 * "Will you stop shooting me?"
 * "Why would you think shooting me is a good idea?"
 * "Let's try shooting zombies instead of people, okay?"
 * "You're shooting me again."
 * "Damn!... You suck at shooting."
 * "You shoot me again, and I'll drop ya'."
 * "Shoot me again, and I will drop you."
 * "Shoot me again. Shoot me again, I dare ya'."
 * "Shoot me again, I'm not dead yet!"
 * "Stop shooting me."
 * "Shooting me, doesn't get us, anywhere!
 * "Do that again and I will bury you alive."
 * "Can we not shoot each other, please?"
 * "Can you stop shooting me?"
 * "I don't know who started this shit, 'kay? But let's just stop the friendly fire right now."
 * In the Subtitles, the "fire" part right after "friendly" has been missed so it reads "But let's just stop the friendly right now." and is very unlikely to be fixed even after the last DLC comes out.
 * "Unless you want to be picking your teeth up off the floor, stop shooting me."
 * "WHAT THE-"
 * "OH COME ON!"
 * [ When Ellis attacks him ] "DUMBSHIT!"
 * "Jesus Christ Ellis, like the goddam zombies aren't bad enough."
 * "Christ, Ellis, as if the zombies aren't bad enough."
 * "Ellis, come on man!"
 * [ When Coach attacks him ] "Coach, c'mon, man."
 * [ When Rochelle attacks him ] "Sweetheart? Don't shoot me."
 * "Rochelle!"
 * [ In a calm voice ] "Don't shoot each other."
 * [ Tank around ] "NOT ME! SHOOT THE TANK!"
 * [ After someone says Nick shot them ] "If you'd looked out, you wouldn't get hit!"
 * [ When a teammate is shot by someone else ] "Stop shooting each other!"

Scavenge

 * [ Upon the beginning of a Scavenge match ] "Let's get some gas."
 * [ While pouring gas into the generator ] "Come on... Come-onnn..."
 * "Piece of shit gas, GET IN THE CAR!"
 * [ When winning a scavenge match ] "We're makin' it look easy!"

Giving an item in general

 * "It's more blessed to give than receive."
 * "Have this."
 * "Just take this."
 * "This is for you."
 * "Here, I don't need this."
 * "Take it, just take it."

Giving an item during Dead Center while unfamiliar

 * "Hey you, take this."
 * "Hey, what's your name, here you go."

Adrenaline Shot (spotted)

 * "Adrenaline Shot here!"
 * "Grabbing a shot!"

[Grunts].

Badwater Basin

 * We have to push what? (Also said by a angrier tone)

Cold-theme lines

 * Goddamn it's cold.
 * Storm isn't gonna give up.
 * Ellis, we're not gonna have a snowball fight.
 * Ellis, don't look like you're having fun..

Train-theme lines

 * We need to get to the train station..
 * Hey Ellis, whoop whoop!
 * All aboard, whoop whoop.

Unused
These quotes appear in the game files but are not used in-game.
 * "The boardwalk still smells like popcorn and this back alley still stinks like piss."
 * "Of course it's full of zombies. The whole god damn world is full of zombies. See you in a few minutes."
 * "You know what I like best about your stories, Ellis? The sound they make when they stop."
 * "Because all you THINK about is ribs, Coach."
 * "I trust you. You look like a man who knows his donuts.
 * "Crumbs? Really, Coach? That's how you swear?"
 * "No Ellis, I've never seen anything like this."
 * "Hm. This'd be really awkward if I gave a shit about your feelings."
 * "Hey Ellis, you like taters?"
 * "And we're gonna have to destroy this rubble pile."
 * "And we're gonna have to destroy this gate."
 * "Whoa! The walkway broke!"
 * This line was likely used in the beta versions of the game where sometimes the walkways in the swamp would break.


 * "THE SIGN'S OUT!"
 * "SOMEBODY RESTART THE SIGN!"
 * This suggests that the Burger Tank sign was supposed to lose power during the finale.


 * "Let's use the monorail to get over that fence."
 * An unused Dark Carnival line, suggesting a monorail was to be used to cross over a fence, it is likely this would have alerted a horde.

Coach: F'cho
 * "Somebody's in the control room!"
 * "Hey, let us in!"
 * "Open up."
 * "Don't make us shoot our way into the control room."
 * "Open the door now, you can drive and we'll all ride shotgun."
 * "Come on, man, help us."
 * Nick: "Bringing back any memories coach? You, a cheeseburger, romance in the air?"
 * "Are you going to help us or not?"
 * "What are you, an unfriendly hippie? I thought you all had to be friendly?"
 * "Is there any way I could talk you into helping us?"
 * "Okay, maybe we can help you. Ellis here is a mechanic."
 * "No one else is alive here, okay? There's gotta be some sort of deal we can work out."
 * "Just name it. Anything."
 * "I am going to regret saying this, but sure. What do you need?"
 * "Okay, okay that's a start. What do you need?"
 * "Why don't you just call for help now?"
 * "Okay, we'll set off the pyrotechnics, but I'm telling you right now. I AM NOT GOING TO AIR GUITAR."
 * "Okay, fine, we'll put on the finale show."
 * "Okay, we'll do it. Sure."
 * "Why in the hell not, yes we'll do it."
 * "Wow, yeah. That's really cool. I'm sure Dusty will be honored."
 * "I bet he's got a working shower in there and he isn't using it."
 * "Always a stinking hippie. I swear to god, it always come back to making a stinking hippie happy."
 * "I don't think we have a choice."
 * "There better be gas in that tour bus."
 * "For once, I wish we would have just stumbled onto some cops."
 * "There's the bus!"
 * "There's the tour bus! Get into the garage!"
 * "Get to the garage!"
 * "He kept his word! Let's go!"
 * "Into the garage!"
 * "Garage is open!"
 * "Just go, just go, he isn't coming with us."
 * "Goodbye, my hippie friend!"
 * "Goodbye, Mr. Hippie!"
 * "We can jump down the elevator shaft!"
 * "Down this shaft!"
 * "Ellis, you're carrying, like, ten different guns!"