Nick/Quotes

A list of Nick's Quotes heard so far in Left 4 Dead 2.

Intro

 * [ Seeing Ellis being attacked by a Jockey in the Zombie Survival Guide trailer ] "Shit!"
 * [ Responding to Coach's complaints about climbing stairs in Zombie Survival Guide trailer ] "Well, Coach. Maybe the helicopter...maybe it's made of chocolate."
 * [ Seeing how the helicopters flee the area in Zombie Survival Guide trailer ] "Looks like there's been a change of plans..."
 * [ In background ] "I have not...come this far...to die now."

General

 * "We got a Safe House!"
 * [ Waiting for the other Survivors to get into the Safe Room ] "You don't want to make me come out there for ya!"
 * [ When the Survivors finish a level ] "I'm starting to like you guys!"
 * "You guys aren't so damn bad!"
 * "Happy new year!" (referencing Francis' use of "Merry Christmas")
 * "And THAT is how you do it!"
 * "And that, my friends, is how you do it!"
 * "Take that, you mealy-mouthed bastards!"
 * [ When two Survivors or fewer survive a level, or if all Survivors are low on health at the end ] "That was too close..."
 * "That was way...too...close."
 * "We made that by the skin of our teeth."
 * "At least I made it!"
 * [ At the beginning of a chapter ] "I'm in the middle of nowhere..."
 * "What the hell was this guy doing?"
 * "You sure we shouldn't just panic? I mean, I think panic was invented for just this sort of situation."
 * [unknown] (to Coach) I trust you. You look like a man who knows his doughnuts.

Commands
These are derived from the PC commands when using the Z, X, or C keys.

Yes

 * "Yes; yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah."
 * "Yeppers."
 * "Yesssss."
 * "Yes."
 * "Yeah."

No

 * "NO!"
 * "Yeah, no."
 * "No."
 * "Nope."
 * "No-Siree-Bob."
 * "Uh-oh."

Look

 * "Look at this."
 * "Check it out."
 * "Over there."
 * "Look."
 * "Look here."

Argh

 * "This is all going to Hell!"
 * "Goddammit!"
 * "Ah, Tits!"
 * "SCREW THIS!"
 * "What an assclown."
 * "ASSCLOWN!"
 * "Shit."
 * "BITCH!"

Taunt

 * "We're the four riders of the goddamn apocalypse!"
 * "Take that, you mealy-mouthed bastards!"
 * "Stick that where the sun don't shine!"
 * "And that is how you do it!"
 * "Candyasses!"
 * "You don't stand a chance!"
 * "Suck on this!"
 * "Stick that up your ass!"
 * "We are walking through the valley of the shadow of death, and we are kickin' ass! "

Follow Me

 * "This way."
 * "Over here."
 * "Follow me."
 * "C'mon this way."
 * "Keep up."
 * "Okay, this way."

Lead the Way

 * "Whatever you say, Farmer Joe."
 * "Lead on."
 * "Right behind you."
 * "Lead on, Macduff."
 * "Yeah, you go first."
 * "Lead on, smart guy."
 * "Why not, I follow you"

Ready

 * "Ok, we ready?"
 * "We ready?"
 * "Everybody ready?"
 * "Ready?"
 * "Everyone ready?"

Good job

 * "Impressive."
 * "Nice shot, Ace."
 * "Howdja.. do that?"
 * "Great shot."
 * [ To Rochelle ] "Damn, Rochelle."
 * "Rochelle...damn."
 * "ACES!"

Thank you

 * "I owe you one."
 * "Thanks."

Specific to Dead Center, in The Hotel

 * "Are you guys ready?"
 * "You think you can handle this?"
 * "If you aren't ready, I don't wanna hear it."

Negative responses

 * "Ass!"
 * "Assclown!"
 * "Screw this!"
 * "ASSHOLE!"
 * "DUMBSHIT!"
 * "Kiss my ass!"
 * "Is this some kind of sick joke?!"
 * "Tits!"
 * "Ah, tits!"
 * "Bitch!"
 * "Goddamit"
 * "WHAT THE F-"

Health related

 * [ When being brought back from the dead ] "AHH... Don't ever do that again!"
 * "QUIT SHOCKING ME, WILL YA?"
 * "Stop shocking me!"
 * [ When grabbing Pills ] "Can always use these."
 * "I'll hold on to these pills."
 * "Ah, a little pick me up."
 * "Pills here!"
 * "I got pills"
 * [ When incapacitated ] "I can't do this on my own, someone give me some help!"
 * "Anyone going to lend me a hand here?!"
 * [ When healing another Survivor ] "Now don't waste this by getting pounced on or something."
 * "Let Doctor Nick fix ya up."
 * "Don't worry, I've done this before."
 * "I should probably save this for me, but...what the hell."
 * "Here, you've earned this."
 * "[In a low voice, on The Hotel ] "Now don't tell the others I'm doing this... I'm only doing this for you."
 * [ When low on health ] "Don't this beat all? I'm about to die..."
 * "Alright, I gotta call Uncle here! I need some help."
 * "Goddammit goddammit god...dammit!"
 * "What was I thinking coming down here?"
 * "I'm not going to make it much longer, my friends."
 * "If I go, you guys are gonna miss me!"
 * "I have seriously felt better!"
 * "Pull yourself together, man. You're [grunts in pain] fallin' apart!"
 * "This is not [grunts in pain] how it's gonna end."
 * "I am sick...and tired...of being sick and tired."
 * "Okay, alright, you can do this... You can do this..."
 * "Stop being a baby, you've felt worse after a night of drinking."
 * "Well this looks like it for me!"
 * "I really screwed the pooch back there."
 * [ When low on health in Swamp Fever ] "I am not going to become gator food..."
 * "I am not going to die in this swamp..."
 * [ When low on health in Hard Rain; a reference to Apocalypse Now ] "Never get out of the boat. Never get out of the boat. Never get out of the boat."
 * "What the hell were we thinking stopping here?"
 * "Guys, I seem to have slipped!"
 * "Try again, little man."
 * [ From the Zombie Survival Guide trailer/When low on health ] "I have not...come this far...to die now!"
 * "I am not going to die in this city."
 * [ When reviving another player ] "Get up, get up, get up!"
 * "Aw shit, get up, get up!"
 * "Ah shit, come on, come on."
 * "Don't worry, I'll get your ass out of this mess."
 * "Easy there, fireball. Let me get you up."
 * "We...I need you a little longer."
 * "What's your name, here you go."
 * [ When revived by Rochelle ] "Thanks, Ro."
 * [ When revived by Ellis ] "Thanks, killer."
 * [ Reviving someone on their second down ] "You are messed up - If you don't get yourself healed up, that's it."
 * "You seriously cannot go down again, 'kay? 'Cause if you do, you're not going to make it."
 * "You're starting to worry me. I thought that was it for you, but if you go down like that again, that's it for you."
 * "I'm gonna get you up, but you go down again, that's it."
 * "We can't afford to lose you...yet."
 * [ When a Survivor dies ] "Ahhh, SHIT!"
 * "we just screwed our odds..."
 * [ When Rochelle dies ] "There goes repopulating the Earth."
 * "Rochelle, aw shit."
 * "Good night, Rochelle."
 * "I can think of two other people I would have rather seen go first."
 * [ When Coach dies ] "Aww....Coach..."
 * "Later, Coach."
 * "Shit, Coach...I'll miss ya."
 * "Goddamn it, Coach, what'd you leave me with?"
 * You were a hell of a man, Coach.
 * [ When Ellis dies ] "Ellis...Aww...Ellis..."
 * "Ellis, I'm surprised you lasted as long as you did."
 * "Y'know all those things I said about you, Ellis? I was joking..."
 * [ Inside the Rescue Closet ] "You know I'm going to be a big help. Just get me out of here!"
 * "I'm no use to anyone in here, get me out of here!"
 * [ After healing ] "Alright, now I'm back."
 * "That worked."
 * "Ah. Better."
 * [ When both Coach & Rochelle are dead ] "Hey Ellis, you know all those things I said? I was kidding."

Weapon related

 * [ Axe ] "A freaking axe!"


 * "Axe."
 * [ Frying pan ] "Gonna bonk some heads with this!"
 * "A skillet!"
 * "This'll work."
 * [ Cricket bat ] "This could be fun."
 * "Nice!"
 * [ Golf club ] "Club here."
 * "Grabbin' a driver!'
 * [ Katana ] "Ninja sword here!"
 * "This could be fun!"
 * [ Molotov ] "Grabbing a Molotov."
 * "Molotov."
 * [ Bile Bomb ] "That can't be a bottle of puke, is it? I can't believe I just said that."
 * "Is that a bottle of puke?"
 * [Throwing a Bile Bomb] "Puke in the hole!"
 * "Fight amongst yourselves!"
 * [ Chainsaw (While killing) ] "YEAAAAHHH!"
 * "DIE, DIE!"
 * "SUCK ON THIS!"
 * "YEAH! DIE!"
 * [ Explosive Ammunition ] "Grabbin' some frag rounds!"
 * "Explosive rounds here!"
 * [ Incendiary Ammunition ]
 * "Grabbin' fire bullets!"
 * [While deploying it/grabbing some] "Let's start some fires, people!"
 * [ Grenade Launcher ] "Time to make some zombie soup."
 * "Hell yeah, grenade launcher!"
 * "Grenade launcher here!"
 * [ Crowbar ] "I cannot WAIT to find a crate!"
 * "Crowbar!"
 * "Grabbin' a crowbar!"
 * [ When throwing pipe bomb ] "Pipe bomb out!"
 * "Chase this you zombie bastards!"
 * [ Upon picking up a Nightstick or Baseball Bat ] "I'm gonna whack the shit outta something with this."
 * "This is nice. I'm gonna crack some heads with it."
 * "This brings back some good memories."
 * Coach:"You play ball, Nick?"
 * Nick: "Nope. Bouncer at a club."


 * [ Upon finding weapons ] "Everybody grab a weapon!"
 * "Weapons over here."
 * [ When picking up weapons at Whitaker's gun shop ] "I'm not legally allowed to own a gun...hope everyone is okay with that..."
 * [ Finding a Magnum ] "Niiiiiiice!"
 * [ Picking up a M60 ] "Shit, this is heavy."
 * "Shit. Now this is a gun!"

General

 * [ After lighting several Infected on fire ] "Smells like dinner!"
 * [ When the Horde is coming ] "This is why we've got guns!"
 * "Goddamn, its gettin' good!"

Uncommon Infected

 * [ Infected Jimmy Gibbs Jr. ] "GodDAMN you, Jimmy Gibbs Jr.!"
 * [ Fallen Survivor ] "Is that a Survivor?"
 * "Kill that zombie, he's got something!"
 * "Did that zombie just drop something?"
 * "That zombie dropped something!"
 * [ Clown ] "Kill every clown you see!"
 * "Kill the clown, he's attracting more zombies!"
 * "Kill the clown!"
 * "That squeaking is driving the zombies crazy!"
 * "Shoot the clown!"
 * [ CEDA ] "Hazmat guys!"
 * "Guess those suits don't stop bites."
 * "Are those guys fireproof?"
 * "Guess those suits don't stop bites."
 * "Let's find another way. This suit's flammable."
 * "Watch out for the...the big fat thing!"
 * [ Riot Infected ] "Those zombies are wearing armor?"
 * "Shoot the armored zombies in the back!"

Boomers

 * "You hear that Boomer? Don't let him spew on you."
 * "Boomer around. Don't shoot him if he's near me! OKAY?"
 * "Goiter man!"
 * "Aunt Bee."
 * "Fat guy!"
 * "Fatty!"
 * "So that's a Boomer, huh? You know, it's sad to see an eating disorder get out of control like that."
 * [ When covered in Boomer bile ] "Goddamn it! I am covered in vomit again."
 * "I'm blind!"
 * "Ahhh, this is some nasty shit."
 * "Aw, goddammit!"
 * "Urgh! This is nasty shit!"
 * "Uh, dammit. I am covered - in vomit - again."
 * "I'm blind!"

Chargers

 * "Hillbilly!"
 * "Overalls!"
 * "One Arm!"
 * "WE GOT A CHARGER!"
 * "Shoot the big guy pounding me into the ground!"
 * "Can someone shoot this goddamn thing?!"
 * "This thing is beating my ass!"
 * "Kill this goddamn thing!"
 * "Shoot him! Shoot him!"
 * "Charger's got me!"
 * "Keep your eyes peeled, I hear a Charger."
 * "Shoot that Charger!"
 * "Look out now! Charger!"
 * "Charger... Ellis!"
 * "So that's a Charger, huh? I think he worked out that arm plenty. He should move onto back and legs."
 * "So that's a Charger, huh? Heh. You know what they say about zombies with one big arm..."

Hunters

 * "Scrawny little bitch I'm gonna kill."
 * "Pay attention, Hunter's around."
 * "GET IT OFF ME!"
 * "GET IT! GET IT!"
 * "You hear that Hunter?"
 * "What the hell is that noise?"
 * "It's something we have to kill."
 * "Can you hear that?"
 * "Pay attention; there's a Hunter around."
 * "So that's a Hunter, huh? What's he gonna do; go for a JOG at me?"

Jockeys

 * "Little guy!"
 * "Little freak!"
 * "Kill this Jockey on me!"
 * "Shoot this thing off my back!"
 * "JOCKEY! JOCKEY!"
 * "Ten bucks says it takes him to the left!"
 * "Get it off me!"
 * "Shoot this thing on my back!"
 * "So that's a Jockey, huh? Cute little guy."
 * "One of those little Jockey bastards around."

Smokers

 * "Shoot the tongue! Shoot the tongue!"
 * "Smoker's GOT ME!"
 * "Freaking tongue!?"
 * "What the? Ahh, gross shit."
 * "TONGUE!"
 * "The smoking thing!"
 * "So that's a Smoker, huh? Bet he's popular with the lady zombies."

Spitters

 * "Green thing!"
 * "Neck!"
 * "Hot stuff coming!"
 * "We got goo coming!"
 * "Fire spit coming!"
 * "There's a Spitter around."
 * "I got hit by the burning goo shit!"
 * "Ugh, what in the hell did that thing just do?"
 * What is this shit on me?"
 * "Goddammit, that hurts!"
 * "So that's a Spitter, huh? You think she's single?"

Tanks

 * "I hope that's not bullet proof."
 * "We are screwed."
 * "Maybe if we don't move it won't see us."
 * "Okay, that's reason to panic."
 * "What in the hell sign of the apocalypse is that?"
 * "Freaking Tank is killing me!"
 * "Mother of mercy! This thing is killing me!"
 * "Do you see this big giant thing on me?!"
 * "HOLY SHIT! BIG FREAKING ZOMBIE!"
 * "We have a problem!"
 * "WE GOT A TANK!"
 * "You! Shoot the Tank!"
 * "Man up, we got a Tank!"
 * "Shoot the Tank!"
 * "Everyone, shoot the Tank!"
 * "YOU! Shoot the Tank!"
 * "Tank inbound!"
 * "Get ready, we got a Tank!"
 * "Hold steady! Tank!"

Witches

 * "I PISSED THE WITCH OFF!"
 * "A crying woman. What, do you think she's sad the mall's closed?"
 * "Heh, that sounds like my ex-wife."
 * "ELLIS! Leave that Witch alone."

The Hotel

 * "Goddammit, we just missed it!"
 * So much for the rescue, any ideas?
 * Where still here!
 * "Where the hell's that 'copter going? We're right here!"
 * "Hey come back!"
 * "Dammit, we just missed it!"
 * "Hey get back here!"
 * "Hey, come back, I'm here! There's still someone down here!"
 * "You could've yelled if you wanted."
 * "Goddammit, they left us."
 * "They saw us alright and they're not coming back."
 * "Not to burst your bubble sport, but this building is burning down. They're not coming back."
 * "Okay, helicopters don't come back when you yell at 'em. Now we know that."
 * "Good, that's decided. Moving on: I think this building's on fire. Sooo...I'd like to leave this building."
 * "Good, that's decided. Moving on: I think this building's on fire. Sooo...I'd like to leave it."
 * "Okay. Helicopters don't come back when you yell at 'em. Valuable lesson, you three tuck that away for later. Now grab a weapon and follow me. This goddamn building's on fire."
 * "Hey! Loud girl. (Rochelle) Hayseed. (Ellis) Tons of fun. (Coach) This building? It's on FIRE. Grab a weapon and let's get the hell out of here."
 * "It's flying away from the burning building we're standing on; let's follow its lead and get the hell out of here."
 * "Okay, we all had a turn yelling at the helicopter. Good. Moving on: I think the building's on fire."
 * "Grab something; I got a feeling this isn't gonna be easy."
 * "We better arm ourselves. I hope you three know how to fight. You don't look it."
 * "If the world's going to hell, I'm taking a weapon."
 * "Everybody grab a weapon. I get the feeling we're gonna need 'em."
 * "Lets grab some weapons, I have a feeling somethings down there."
 * " I hope you three know how to fight - you don't look it."
 * "Holy SHIT, it's zombies!"
 * "Oh this is unexpected."
 * "These don't look like people."
 * "Jesus Christ, what are these things?!"
 * "I dunno about you, but I'm killing these things!"
 * "Zombies eh, I knew zombies were real."
 * "If that map's right, New Orleans might be the last place in America that can get us out alive."
 * "According to this map, the only place left standing is New Orleans."
 * "Jesus, the whole country's falling."
 * "This map is NOT good news."
 * "According to this map there aren't a whole lot of options."
 * "Looks like New Orleans is the last place on Earth that can get us out alive."
 * "Dammit, elevator's out!"
 * "Alright, I'm not walking through THAT. Let's find another way."
 * "Let's find another way. This suit's flammable."
 * "Shit! This place's burning up fast!"
 * "Get out to the ledge!"
 * "Out here, let's try the ledge!"
 * "We can use this ledge to get around the fire!"
 * "This elevator's still working!"
 * "Technically...you're not supposed to use an elevator on a fire. But that might not apply during a ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE."
 * "Everybody get in the elevator!"
 * "Anyone get bit? Isn't that how this works?"
 * "Well I'm glad I got that out of the way. Now, did anyone get bit?"
 * "There's blood on me, but it ain't mine."
 * "No, I'm good."
 * "And then there were three."
 * "We're pretty screwed."
 * "Was it Ellis? Doesn't matter now."
 * "I think it was Coach. Don't matter now."
 * "I think she said she was Rochelle."
 * "I normally go solo, but under these circumstances, I'm thinking we stick together. Call me Nick. You got names?"
 * "Hey. What's your name?"
 * "Nick. Name's Nick. You all did good. What are your names?"
 * "I'm Nicolas...Nick."
 * "Name's Nick, but don't bother learning it 'cause I ain't sticking around long."
 * "Nick. That's all you need to know."
 * "Nick."
 * "Name's Nick."
 * "Nick. Not that it matters, 'cuz I think we should split up when this thing opens."
 * [ If Rochelle has the most kills by the time you get to the elevator ] "You did good out there, Rochelle."
 * "I bet there's gonna be some'thn's waiting for us out there. So let's get ready."
 * "Alright, we're all friends now. Get ready."
 * "Search these rooms, might be somethin' we can use."

The Streets

 * "Sounds good to me!"
 * "A gun store sounds like a fine place to stop."
 * "I guess living here's finally paying off."
 * Coach: "Mister, I don't think I like your attitude."
 * Nick: "Whatever."


 * "Get me to the mall and I'll make it worth your while."
 * "Mall must be close."
 * "Candy store for adults!"
 * "Let's grab some guns, we got shit to shoot!"
 * "I'm not legally allowed to own a gun...hope everyone's okay with that."
 * "So let me get this straight: we get you your shit and you'll help us get to the mall, right? Okay, you screw us, and I will kill you with your own gun."
 * "Thanks for the guns, honestly. We all appreciate it. But you better not be screwing with us."
 * "Sure. Why not?"
 * "Sir, for the use of this gun, I am willing to go get you your Cola."
 * "Buddy, if you can get me out of this alive, I will deep fry you an entire goddamn cow."
 * "Get ready, this is gonna set off the alarm!"
 * "Get the Cola!"
 * "Grab the Cola!"
 * "Somebody grab the Cola!"
 * "I got his cola, let's go!"
 * "We got it, let's go!"
 * "Got the cola!"
 * "Barrier's down, let's get out of here!"
 * "There goes the tanker; Let's get out of here!"
 * "That's one way to open a path!"
 * "I gotta respect that!"
 * "THAT is how you clear a path!"
 * "I'll be damned. We actually made it to the mall!"
 * "Well we made it! Let's hope there's still somebody here."
 * "Okay, we made it! Let's hope there's still somebody here."
 * "Okay, we made it to the mall. Barely."

The Mall

 * "If anyone sees a men's store, let me know. I've got blood on my suit."
 * "Let's go find the evacuation center. I'm already sick of this place."
 * "Ugh, God, I hate malls!"
 * "Disco pants and haircuts. Man, lots of space in this mall."
 * "Up this escalator!"
 * "Down that escalator!"
 * "I'm get a sinking feeling this alarm's gonna get us some attention."
 * "I got a sick feeling this alarm's gonna get us some attention."
 * "Keep going up!"
 * "Up, up, keep moving!"
 * "Turn off that alarm!"
 * "We gotta turn off this alarm!"
 * "We need to turn off this alarm!"
 * "Is there some way to turn off this alarm?!"
 * "How do we turn this alarm off?"
 * "Got it."
 * "Alarm off!"
 * "Thanks for turning off that alarm!"
 * "Man, that was driving me crazy!"
 * "You know what, I can take the zombies, but not that goddamn noise!"
 * "Agh, Jesus, I knew it! There's nothing here!"
 * "Okay, so the evac station's abandoned, annnnd we're at the center of a zombie-filled building. On the bright side? We're all probably gonna die."
 * "CEDA. Leaving me twice in one day, lesson learned."
 * "No one's alive in here."
 * "We aren't getting saved!"

The Atrium

 * "Who the hell is Jimmy Gibbs Jr.?"
 * "I'm getting sick at looking at this guy's face!"
 * "Really? 'Cause he looks like an asshole."
 * "So much for the rescue. Any ideas?"
 * "CEDA's not gonna save us. Any ideas?"
 * "I think the little guy's on to something. Let's give it a shot!"
 * "I'll agree to the idea. But I'M driving."
 * "Well, beats my idea; staying here and dying in the mall."
 * "What a fun road trip this will be."
 * "Okay. Let's gas up the car and get the hell out of this mall."
 * "Let's get some gas!"
 * "Fill 'er up!"
 * "Come on! Come on!"
 * "COME ON!"
 * "Get in the tank, you stupid goddamn gas, get in the tank."
 * "Piece of shit gas, GET IN THE CAR!"
 * "Got another can in the tank!"
 * "One more for the gas tank!"
 * "How big is the tank in this thing?!"
 * "Hurry up, HURRY UP!"
 * "Come on comeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeon come on!"
 * "GET! IN! THE! TANK!"
 * "We still need more gas!"
 * "Halfway there!"
 * "Almost there!"
 * "We still need 10 more!"
 * "We still need 5 more!"
 * "Just 3 more!"
 * "Just 2 more!"
 * "One more can to go!"
 * "She's all filled up, let's go, get to the car!"
 * "Get to the car!"
 * "Would you get to the goddamn car?!"
 * "Everyone to the car!"
 * "I'm not waiting long, get to the car!"
 * "Time to leave, people!"
 * "Time to go!"
 * "Let's go people, let's go!"
 * "Thank YOU Jimmy Gibbs Jr.!"
 * "HELL YEAH! Next stop: New Orleans!"
 * "Hit it, Ellis!"

Unused

 * [ Upon entering the gun store in The Streets ] "Alright! A candy store for adults!"
 * "HELICOPTER. It is a HELICOPTER. You call that thing a 'whirly-bird' one more time, I'll beat you SO bad, your sister's gonna wish she never gave birth to you."
 * [ After hearing Ellis's idea at the finale ] "Well that beats my idea, staying here and dying in the mall."
 * Nick: "I'll agree to the idea, but I'm driving."
 * Ellis: "Actually, I think the guy who came up with the idea to drive the stock car should get to drive the stock car." [Alternate Line] "Only if I get killed [sic]. Otherwise you better kill me, cause I'M driving."
 * Nick: "What a fun road trip this will be."

The Port
Francis: "Ahhh go to Hell, suit. [Alternate Line] Bite me, Colonel Sanders "
 * [ At the beginning when talking to Francis ] "I'm telling you the last goddamn time: Lower the goddamn bridge, you greasy vest-wearing monkey."

[ When talking to Zoey ] "That's terrific, cupcake. Is there a man up there we can talk to?

Zoey: "Boohoo, I dont know what to do... Go to Hell, Colonel Sanders!"

Rochelle: "I can't believe you used to be a conartist."

Zoey: "I could shoot you where you stand."

Nick: "Hey, lighten up. Man no one can take a joke anymore."
 * [ 'Upon seeing the wedding ] "Wedding music, and a crying woman left at the altar. This is bringing back some bad memories."
 * "Ah christ, This is more depressing than zombies."
 * [ When Coach is looking for the wedding cake ] "Coach, no time for cake."

Coach: "Man, I hope we don't see a Tank in a tuxedo."
 * [ Upon seeing the Witch bride ] "Careful. I've seen a bride just like this before."


 * [ Upon crowning a Witch bride ] "Honeymoon's over...bitch!"

The Underground
Nick: "One germ nearly wiped out the entire human race, so YES!"
 * [Safe room] Coach: "You're not scared of one little germ, are you, Nick?"
 * [Upon entering the tattoo parlor] "Y'know, I've never done a color tattoo before..."
 * "Who wants a tattoo
 * "If anybody sees any hand sanitizer, let me know."
 * Rochelle: [Laughs] "You're kidding right?"


 * Nick: "Yeah, hahaha, a little more hand sanitizer and we wouldn't be in this mess."


 * "I don't have a problem with leaving the car AND you behind. Okay Ellis?"
 * "Let's hurry across the plank before a Smoker gets us."
 * "Watch out for Chargers."
 * [ Upon entering the sewers ] "Oh, this is some gross shit."
 * [ After entering the water ] "It's just a storm sewer, it is just a STORM sewer..."
 * Ellis: "Don't smell like one."


 * Nick: "Ellis, I need this."
 * Rochelle: "Hey Nick! Splash fight?"
 * Nick: "DON'T YOU DARE!"

Ellis: "Well, I still like you, Nick."
 * "I am breathing shit air into my lungs. It is being absorbed into my bloodstream. I am literally full of shit."
 * "Here's a pleasant thought: Any one of us gets pounced, we're going to be fully submerged in shit water."
 * [ In response to Ellis' comment about his suit ] "I hate you, Ellis!"
 * [ During the Gauntlet Crescendo ] "Goddammit! Back into the shit water!"
 * "Shit! Back in the toilet"
 * "Back in the water."
 * "Don't stop in the sewer!"
 * [ Upon seeing the suitcase full of guns and money ] "I like the way this guy packs!" [Alternate Line] "Don't mind if I do."
 * "From one con man to another: five bucks for this? I tip my hat to you, Rayford."
 * "Five goddamn bucks for a tour under the river? Well played, Rayford...well played."

Nick: "Yeah a tunnel. I guess you're right Coach History is coming alive"
 * "What did we just pay five bucks for?"

Coach: "Oh shut up Nick!"
 * [ Upon see the 'Phase Two' sign ] "Phase Two - Does this even go through?" [Alternate Line] "Should we wait until they finish?"
 * "I'll give a thousand dollars to whoever gives me a piggyback ride." [Note: the subtitles say "thousand dollars" but Nick says "thousand bucks"]
 * "So...it's an antique basement... Fantastic."
 * "Ellis, did you get that girl's name? 'Cause I can tattoo it on your ass. She'll like that."
 * "I guess they'll help right? First we fill up Jimmy Gibbs' car with gas, now a generator. What next? Don't answer that, Ellis."

The Port

 * [ While in the Safe Room ] "So we're about to see that girl again - what's her name, Zoey?"
 * Ellis: "Okay, you know what? No need to remind me, Nick. I'm a nervous wreck over here."


 * Nick: "What're you nervous about? You had your chance, and you didn't do shit. Now, you can watch Nick take care of business."


 * Rochelle: "Nick, being one of the last two women alive, I can safely say at least half of the women in this world hate you." [Alternate Line] "Nick, you need to find a woman who hates herself. Then she'll love you." [Or] "Nick. Leave him alone."


 * [ In response to Ellis asking how he looks ] "Like you ran through a sewer."
 * Ellis: "Well, there's a turd on your shoulder."
 * Nick: "I'm not even gonna look."

Nick: "That's funny, because I knew your lazy ass would still be here."
 * [ In response to Louis killing something ] "You're a badass with that gun, Louis!"
 * "Hey Louis, are you sure you don't wanna come with us? We can leave Ellis behind."
 * [ When filling up the generator ] "Why is everything always empty?"
 * "Why doesn't anything ever have enough gas in it!?"
 * [' When meeting Francis for the second time ] Francis: "Never thought a fancy ass like you would have made it this far."

Francis: "Well at least I don't have a turd on my suit." Nick: "Uh, yeah, I put it there."

(Alternate) Ellis: "Nick, I told you you had a turd on your shoulder."

Nick: "Ellis!"
 * [ In response to Rochelle defending Ellis when Nick teases him about Zoey ] "What? I'm a handsome man."


 * [Alternate Line] "A-B-C. Always Be Closing"(Taken from Alec Baldwin's speech in Glengarry Glen Ross)


 * [Alternate Line]"What? I'm a closer."
 * [ When Francis makes a kill ] "I owe you one, Francis."
 * "Nice shot, Francis!"

Dark Carnival

 * [ At the start of the Dark Carnival ] "I hate to be the bearer of bad news guys, but unless Ellis knows how to build a monster truck, we AIN'T driving through this."
 * Ellis: "Sorry, guys. I guess my idea wasn't so hot after all."
 * Nick: "Don't sweat it, Ellis. At least you got us out of that mall."
 * [Alternate Line] "Goddamn you, Jimmy Gibbs Jr.!"
 * Ellis: "That's not cool Nick." [Alternate Line] "Now that was uncalled for. Serious."


 * [ In response to Coach explaining he went to Whispering Oaks as a kid. ] "Great. Now we can all die there as adults!"
 * "I think our options are keep moving down the road towards those lights or die here. Anyone in the "die here" camp? No? Then let's move out."
 * [ After Coach comments on having gone to Whispering Oaks as a child ] "Oh, good. Now we can die there as adults."
 * [ On The Highway ] "These abandoned cars go on for miles!"
 * Coach: "Maybe they left em' when they got rescued."
 * Nick: "That's...one theory."


 * [ Upon noticing the burned bodies in the pool at the motel in 'The Highway ]''' "*whistles* Those people SUCKED at high diving."
 * [ Upon seeing the pool in The Highway ] "They're not kidding when they say no lifeguards on duty."
 * [ While going down the hill in the first chapter ] "Whoa, shit!"
 * [ After going down the hill in the first chapter and Ellis makes a comment about going downhill being "fun" ] "Falling and breaking my neck is not fun, Ellis."
 * [While looking at the Lil' Peanut cutout in Dark Carnival ] "I do not like that little peanut man."
 * Ellis: "Man, how can you not like Lil' Peanut? I love this little guy!"


 * "Anybody else find this peanut thing a little terrifying?"
 * [ Before The Fairgrounds Crescendo event ] "You gotta be this tall to get in here, Ellis. Sorry, buddy. You'll be missed."
 * Ellis: "Ha ha. Aren't you the comedian."
 * looks abandoned.
 * as far as evac goes, this is not the worst place to hual up.


 * "Nice fencing. Looks like a federal carousel penitentiary."
 * "A fenced-in carousel. Is this where they took child prisoners on day trips?"
 * [ Upon seeing the switch to the Crescendo Event ] " We need to turn on this power to open the gate. You know what i think its gonna activate everything else around here."
 * [ In the second Safe Room in Dark Carnival ] "Why couldn't I have been in Vegas when the Infection hit, or even Atlantic City? Instead, I'm trapped in some goddamn hillbilly tunnel of love."
 * "Did you see the sign out front? Cousins-only day today."
 * "This is the most relaxing safe room i've ever been in"
 * [ In the beginning of the Tunnel of Love ] "You finally got your wish, Ellis. We're in an amusement park ride."
 * Ellis: "This ain't that kind of ride, Nick. [Whispering] This is where you make out with your girlfriend."
 * [Alternative Line] "Bringing back any memories, Coach? You, a cheeseburger, romance in the air..."
 * Coach: "How many tunnel of love memories YOU got, Nick?"
 * Nick: "Pfft. Huh. Several. Easily."


 * [ While moving through the Tunnel of Love in The Coaster ] "You could almost call this a cement river, Ellis!"
 * Ellis: "Yeah, very funny." [ Alternate Line ] "Ha, ha, ha."


 * "Into the swan maintenance room of love!"
 * "This is the longest tunnel of love I've ever seen!"
 * "That got us around the block."
 * [ In the air duct shortcut ] "Well, this isn't very romantic."
 * [ Running on the tracks during The Coaster ] "These Infected do NOT respect lines!"
 * go go go! cut in line!
 * "Thank God this doesn't do a loop."
 * just follow the tracks!
 * "I hate roller coasters."
 * "Make sure to call out if you get pulled."
 * we need something BIG to singnal the copter.
 * [ At the start of The Concert ] Coach: "Holy shit! It's the Midnight Riders!"
 * Nick: "Never heard of them, they any good?"
 * Coach: "Well hell yeah. I have ALL of the albums — even their new stuff that ain't no good! Best light show in the business, though."


 * [ In response to Coach's plan ] "Coach, that is the stupidest idea I've ever agreed with"
 * [ Beginning of Dark Carnival's Finale ] "I know I'm going to regret this, but turn it up!"
 * "Okay, we'll set off the pyrotechnics, but I'm telling you right now. I AM NOT GOING TO AIR GUITAR."
 * "I think I know how to start the finale; hit the button labeled 'Finale'."
 * "When I hit this tape, it's gonna blare some old people's rock music and start the finale. Get ready."
 * unless someone else has a better idea, lets rock.
 * "Coach, when I start this finale, you aren't gonna start dancing are you? Ahh, screw it, I'm hitting it."
 * "If you have any taste, cover your ears. I'm starting the finale."
 * "Hit the flash bangs!"
 * "I think the copter pilot wants us to turn it down."
 * "Ellis, I'm sorry to ruin your day, but I think your heroes are lip-singers. There's a button here labeled 'Finale'."
 * [ After seeing the helicopter in The Concert ]
 * "Coach, you're a genius! This worked!"
 * "It worked! I love you, Coach!"
 * "Great, following shiny lights in the sky. We're like freaking cats and a laser pointer."

Swamp Fever

 * [ In response to Ellis's reaction to him killing the pilot ] "Well he wasn't doing a very good job once he became a zombie, now was he?"
 * "I shot a zombie. He was a zombie, Ellis. He must have gotten bitten before he picked us up."
 * Rochelle: "That's true. If I had to pick a low point in the flight, it would probably be when he stopped flying the chopper and...attacked us. Anyone know where we are?"


 * "I still can't believe none of you were going to shoot him."
 * [ In response to Ellis talking about the blood farmers ] "Jesus Christ Ellis, like the goddamn zombies aren't bad enough."
 * [ When seeing the downed passenger jet ] "I guess walking isn't so bad."
 * [ Before triggering the emergency door in the jet ] "We can get through this door."
 * "I think it's a safe bet to say an alarm will sound when we open this door."
 * "We have to open this door."
 * "Someone open the door."
 * "The emergency exit is the only way."
 * [ When opening the door ] "I'm opening the door."
 * "Get ready, I'm opening the door."
 * [ When low on health ] "I am not dying in this goddamn swamp."
 * [ When jumping into deep water in Swamp Fever ] Nick: "Shit! All this swamp is gonna ruin my white suit!"
 * Rochelle: "[Laughs] You mean the one with zombie brains all over it? That one?"
 * Nick: "Brains come out, swamp water doesn't. Don't ask me how I know that."

Rochelle: "So what do you think is going to kill us? Gators, snakes, bugs, or mud people?
 * Nick: You're forgetting one thing - from the way we're shooting? Each other."


 * [ When crossing the river in Plank Country ] Rochelle: "Nick, what do you think the odds are that the swamp people are still alive?"
 * Nick: "What alive and Infected, or alive and not zombies?"
 * Rochelle: "Not zombies."
 * Nick: "100 to 1."
 * Rochelle: "Sound about right."

Hard Rain

 * [ While moving through the Witch-infested sugar mill ] "The last time I saw this many crying women was at my wedding."
 * [ At the beginning of the campaign ] "What are we supposed to signal him with?"
 * Ellis: "Oh, there's flares in the gun bag."
 * Nick: "What gun bag?"
 * Ellis: "You didn't grab the guns?"
 * Nick: "ME? Who died and made me gun monitor?"
 * Ellis: "Pretty much everybody."


 * Alternative conversation
 * Rochelle: "Well, this should be easy. All we need is to find some diesel."
 * Nick: "Anybody wanna hear a prediction?"
 * Everyone in synchronization:'' "No!"
 * Nick: "There's not gonna be any gas. Watch."


 * [ Seeing the sign at the first gas station ] Nick: "Out of gas...what did I tell ya."

Ellis: "Looks like we gotta head to this Ducatel place."

Nick: "What makes you think they still have gas?"

Coach: "'Cause if they dont, were gonna be stuck here forever, Nick."


 * "Looks like our milk run just became a marathon."

The Parish

 * [ The beginning of The Parish ] "I...have not...come this far...to die now."
 * [ In response to Coach saying how close they are to the bridge ] "You mean that blurry line in the horizon? Let's not get ahead of ourselves."
 * [ Alt ] "Yeah, well, seeing the bridge and getting there are two different things."


 * [ When the fighter jets fly by at the beginning of The Parish ] Coach: "Alright! The military's still here!"
 * Nick: "You don't evacuate people in fighter jets."
 * [ Alt ] Coach: "They still flyin' jets!"
 * Nick: "I wonder if that's a good thing."


 * [ Response to Ellis's horse comment ] "Ever eaten horse? Tasty."
 * Ellis: "Horses are for ridin', not eatin', Nick."


 * [ Upon seeing the bathrooms in The Park ] "From the looks of this park, I'm glad we didn't arrive early."
 * Nick: "Oh man it, smells awful in here." / "It smells like...piss."
 * Ellis: "I think it smells kinda nice."
 * Nick: "You're screwed up in the head, you know that?" [Alternate Line] "Goddammit, you are messed up."


 * [ Upon seeing uninfected dead bodies ] "Jesus! These are people! They were shooting people! I told you I bad feeling about this."
 * Coach: "How's it feel to be so right, Nick?"
 * Nick: "Not good..."


 * [ Before starting The Park's Crescendo Event ] "As soon as we open that door, get ready to run for the tower."
 * Ellis: "Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait...why we goin' to the tower?" {Alternate Line} " Hooey, why we headin' there?"
 * Nick: "We run to the tower, and we turn off the alarm!"
 * Ellis: "Oh! Okay, okay, I get it!"
 * [Alt]
 * Ellis : Wait we are going it together right?
 * Nick : Of course we going it together.


 * [Alt]
 * Nick : As soon as that door opens, get ready to run for the tower.
 * Coach : Got to agree with that.


 * [ Upon seeing the hash marks on the barricaded bedroom wall ] "Does this guy's scorecard mean what I think it means?"
 * "Jesus, it was open season on everything out here."
 * [ Upon entering the sewers ] "I am not going in the se-- Ah screw it! Let's go."
 * "Oh Christ, not the sewer."
 * "Ugh. What's that SMELL?"
 * [ Upon taking a Nightstick from a dead Riot Cop ] "I used to steal these from cops back in high school."
 * "If my friends ever saw me usin' a cop's gun..."
 * [ Upon entering the impound lot ] "Whoawhoawhoawhoa watch where you shoot!"
 * "If you wanna shoot cars, lets shoot cars!"
 * "Careful, carrrefullll..."
 * [ After reaching the freeway after the impound lot ] "We made it, I can't believe we actually made it!"
 * [ Fighter jets blow up the freeway in front of him ] "OH COME ON!"

[Alt] "Well, it's official. They're trying to kill US now."
 * [ In The Quarter's Safe Room, as bombs are being dropped ] "Christ, those guys are such assholes."
 * "Looks like they've run out of bridges to bomb."
 * [ In The Bridge's Safe Room ] Nick: "Before we run across this bridge right toward the people who've been dropping bombs on us, anyone wanna talk about a Plan B?"
 * Ellis: "I don't." / Coach: "No."
 * Nick: "Alright then, let's go."
 * [ Alt ] Coach: "Alright, alright, alright. We're gonna stroll across that bridge, and the army's gonna take care of us."
 * Nick: "Or, they're gonna line us up against the wall, and shoot us."
 * Coach: "Well, you're free to make yourself a new life right here in this room, Nick."
 * Nick: "Okay, alright, let's go."
 * [ Upon seeing The Parade ] Look, Ellis! A tractor.
 * [when seeing the helicopter at finale] GET TO THE CHOPPER!

Friendly Fire

 * [ When shot at ] "Are you really going to shoot a guy in a $3,000 suit? Come on!" [a reference to the television show Arrested Development]
 * "DON'T. SHOOT. ME."
 * "YOU. ARE. SHOOTING. ME."
 * "Well thank you for ventilating my suit."
 * "Will you stop shooting me?"
 * "Why would you think shooting me is a good idea?"
 * "Let's try shooting zombies instead of people, okay?"
 * "Damn!... You suck at shooting."
 * "You shoot me again, and I'll drop ya'."
 * "Shoot me again, and I will drop you."
 * "Shoot me again. Shoot me again, I dare ya'."
 * "Shoot me again, I'm not dead yet!"
 * "Stop shooting me."
 * "Shooting me, doesn't get us, anywhere!
 * "Do that again and I will bury you alive."
 * "Can we not shoot each other, please?"
 * "Can you stop shooting me?"
 * "I don't know who started this shit, 'kay? But let's just stop the friendly fire right now."
 * In the Subtitles, the "fire" part right after "friendly" has been missed so it reads "But let's just stop the friendly right now."
 * "Unless you want to be picking your teeth up off the floor, stop shooting me."
 * "WHAT THE-"
 * "OH COME ON!"
 * [ When Ellis attacks him ] "DUMBSHIT!"
 * "Jesus Christ Ellis, like the goddam zombies aren't bad enough."
 * "Christ, Ellis, as if the zombies aren't bad enough."
 * "Ellis, come on man!"
 * [ When Coach attacks him ] "Coach, c'mon, man."
 * [ When Rochelle attacks him ] "Sweetheart? Don't shoot me."
 * "Rochelle!"
 * [ In a calm voice ] "Don't shoot each other."
 * [ Tank around ] "NOT ME! SHOOT THE TANK!"
 * [ After someone says Nick shot them ] "If you'd looked out, you wouldn't get hit!"
 * [ When a teammate is shot by someone else ] "Stop shooting each other!"

Scavenge

 * [ Upon the beginning of a Scavenge match ] "Let's get some gas."
 * [ While pouring gas into the generator ] "Come on... Come-onnn..."
 * "Piece of shit gas, GET IN THE CAR!"
 * [ When winning a scavenge match ] "We're makin' it look easy!"

Giving an item in general

 * "It's more blessed to give than receive."
 * "Have this."
 * "Just take this."
 * "This is for you."
 * "Here, I don't need this."
 * "Take it, just take it."

Giving an item during Dead Center while unfamiliar

 * "Hey you, take this."
 * "Hey, what's your name, here you go."

Adrenaline Shot (spotted)

 * "Adrenaline Shot here!"
 * "Grabbing a shot!"

[Grunts].

Badwater Basin

 * We have to push what? (Also said by a angrier tone)

Cold-theme lines

 * Goddamn it's cold.
 * Storm isn't gonna give up.
 * Ellis, we're not gonna have a snowball fight.
 * Ellis, don't look like you're having fun..

Train-theme lines

 * We need to get to the train station..
 * Hey Ellis, whoop whoop!
 * All aboard, whoop whhop.

Unused
These quotes appear in the game files but are not used in-game.
 * "The boardwalk still smells like popcorn and this back alley still stinks like piss."
 * "Of course it's full of zombies. The whole god damn world is full of zombies. See you in a few minutes."
 * "You know what I like best about your stories, Ellis? The sound they make when they stop."
 * "Because all you THINK about is ribs, Coach."
 * "I trust you. You look like a man who knows his donuts.
 * "Crumbs? Really, Coach? That's how you swear?"
 * "No Ellis, I've never seen anything like this."
 * "Hm. This'd be really awkward if I gave a shit about your feelings."
 * "Hey Ellis, you like taters?"
 * "And we're gonna have to destroy this rubble pile."
 * "And we're gonna have to destroy this gate."
 * "Whoa! The walkway broke!"
 * This line was likely used in the beta versions of the game where sometimes the walkways in the swamp would break.


 * "THE SIGN'S OUT!"
 * "SOMEBODY RESTART THE SIGN!"
 * This suggests that the Burger Tank sign was supposed to lose power during the finale.


 * "Let's use the monorail to get over that fence."
 * An unused Dark Carnival line, suggesting a monorail was to be used to cross over a fence, it is likely this would have alerted a horde.

Coach: F'cho
 * "Somebody's in the control room!"
 * "Hey, let us in!"
 * "Open up."
 * "Don't make us shoot our way into the control room."
 * "Open the door now, you can drive and we'll all ride shotgun."
 * "Come on, man, help us."
 * Nick: "Bringing back any memories coach? You, a cheeseburger, romance in the air?"
 * "Are you going to help us or not?"
 * "What are you, an unfriendly hippie? I thought you all had to be friendly?"
 * "Is there any way I could talk you into helping us?"
 * "Okay, maybe we can help you. Ellis here is a mechanic."
 * "No one else is alive here, okay? There's gotta be some sort of deal we can work out."
 * "Just name it. Anything."
 * "I am going to regret saying this, but sure. What do you need?"
 * "Okay, okay that's a start. What do you need?"
 * "Why don't you just call for help now?"
 * "Okay, we'll set off the pyrotechnics, but I'm telling you right now. I AM NOT GOING TO AIR GUITAR."
 * "Okay, fine, we'll put on the finale show."
 * "Okay, we'll do it. Sure."
 * "Why in the hell not, yes we'll do it."
 * "Wow, yeah. That's really cool. I'm sure Dusty will be honored."
 * "I bet he's got a working shower in there and he isn't using it."
 * "Always a stinking hippie. I swear to god, it always come back to making a stinking hippie happy."
 * "I don't think we have a choice."
 * "There better be gas in that tour bus."
 * "For once, I wish we would have just stumbled onto some cops."
 * "There's the bus!"
 * "There's the tour bus! Get into the garage!"
 * "Get to the garage!"
 * "He kept his word! Let's go!"
 * "Into the garage!"
 * "Garage is open!"
 * "Just go, just go, he isn't coming with us."
 * "Goodbye, my hippie friend!"
 * "Goodbye, Mr. Hippie!"
 * "We can jump down the elevator shaft!"
 * "Down this shaft!"
 * "Ellis, you're carrying, like, ten different guns!"