Ellis/Quotes

A list of Ellis' Quotes heard so far in Left 4 Dead 2.

Intro

 * [ Responding to Coach quoting CEDA's instructions in case of infection in Zombie Survival Guide trailer ] "Kill all sons'a'bitches. That's my official instructions."
 * [ At the roof of the evacuation station in Zombie Survival Guide trailer ] "Hey, where is everybody? Hellooooo?"
 * [ When he gets grabbed by a Smoker in Zombie Survival Guide trailer ] "Ah, what the hell?"
 * [ Seeing how the lower floors are flooded by the Infected in Zombie Survival Guide trailer ] "Holy... Shit..."
 * [ ''When getting pummeled by a Charger'] " It's got me!

General

 * [ After closing the Safe Room door] "We gonna need to do better then THAT."
 * "We are a DAMN good team!"
 * "I'm thinking we can take on ANYTHING."
 * "We are kings of the world!"
 * "(laughing), we are good! ehe!"
 * "I can hardly believe we made that!"
 * "Man, I could go for a cold one right about now."
 * [ When sees a safe room ] "Hey, we got a safe room right ahead!"
 * [ When all alone or all other survivors are dead] "Hey it's not funny man, where are you guys?"
 * [ When waiting for the other Survivors inside the safe room ] "I need every one of you inside now!"
 * "C'mon y'all get inside!"
 * [ When finding an item ] "All right, all right!"

Keith Stories

 * [ When in the Safe Room at the start of The Park ] "Ya'll know what "suck the heads" means? 'Cause I came down here with Keith once, and he didn't know, and--I mean, it ain't nothin' bad. It's about eatin'-"
 * Nick: "Ellis? Is now the best time?" or "Ellis, Ellis! We don't have time for this right now!"
 * Rochelle: "Ellis, sweetie, can this wait?"
 * Coach: "We ain't got time for this, Ellis."
 * Ellis: "Okay."


 * My buddy Keith tried camping out on top of a building once. He was shooting crows, but the police were too busy tear gassin' him to ask what he was doin' up there. He screamed for an entire year every single time when he opened his eyes! Oh man! At first it was funny, then it just got sad, but then it got funny again! Oh man!
 * Man I love malls. I do. Once I was in this mall, up in Atlanta, and these guys were dancing for like money and stuff and my friend Dave and I was all...
 * Jimmy Gibbs, Jr. is the man. I mean I don't know anybody like that, man. But there was this guy I knew, he raced dirt tracks, not stock cars but open wheeled cars you know, and he was racing once and a goat...
 * I knew this guy once who tried to set a world record for sittin' up on top of a Ferris wheel. He'd been up there for like, two days, and he wanted some beer, but they weren't givin' him any. So he got this rope--don't ask me where he got the rope from--
 * I ever tell you about the time me and Keith made a homemade bumper car ride with ridin' mowers in his backyard? Mower blade wounds over 90% of his body. I didn't run him over either, he somehow managed to fall under his own.
 * I ever tell you about the time my buddy Keith drowned in the tunnel of love? You wouldn't think it could happen cause the water's so shallow, but that's how it gets you man. Overconfidence. Keith was with his lady at the time, and he was yellin' for her to save him, but she didn't want to get wet.
 * I ever tell you about the time me and Keith snuck a paintball gun on a roller coaster? I never heard'a anybody else doin' it, so I thought we might'a invented a sport, so Keith called the patent office, but--
 * I ever tell you about the time my buddy Keith fell out the rollercoaster? Yeah he didn't drop far, mind you, just onto the tracks, but the carnival people wouldn't stop the ride 'cause all the other people paid good money and Keith snuck on for free, so he had to dodge for like twenty minutes or so.
 * I ever tell you about the time Keith and I made fireworks? Now, I didn't know shit about chemistry, but Keith figured, "Gasoline burns, doesn't it?" Third degree burns on ninety-five percent of his body. Man, people in the next city over were calling to complain about the smell of burning skin.
 * I ever tell you about the time Keith tried to deep fry a turkey? Third degree burns over ninety percent of his body. His doctor called up, like, other doctors to look at him cause they'd never seen burns on top of existing burns--
 * Man, all this mud reminds me of my friend Keith. Yeah, he was goin' to build a shack once, to live in and all, and I know most people here, they build houses and they become shacks, but Keith, he was about jumpin' right to the shack stage. But he had no wood. So he got some mud and was makin' what we were all thinkin' was gonna be these adobe bricks, you know, like when them people out west made bricks and shit? Well, he had mud and...
 * I ever tell you about the time my buddy Keith got rolled by a 'gator in a swamp? Man he didn't agonize it or nothin', we were just tryin' to grab two so we could piss 'em off and get 'em into a fight. Well anyway the third time Keith went under I realized something was wrong so I--
 * I ever tell you about the time my buddy Keith drove his car off a cliff, broke both his legs? It's not a funny ha-ha story so much as a make-you-think story. For instance: windshields look pretty durable, right? Not the case, according to Keith. Son of a bitch flew right through that sucker--
 * Man, I ain't never been in a sugarcane field before. I mean, I've seen 'em an' all, but I've never had any reason to go in one. Now, you go in a peach grove, and you find all kinds of cool shit! Like this one time, I was in a--
 * I ever tell you about the time my buddy Keith and I were on the top of a burnin' building, and we had to fight our way down like five floors of zombies an - hey, wait a second...I guess that was you guys. Oh shit, man, I can't wait to tell Keith about that one!
 * Did I ever tell you guys about the time me and Keith filled up water balloons with our own--
 * I ever tell you about the time my buddy Keith fell down an open manhole? He was unconscious down there for like a week. Durin' that time, unbeknowst to Keith, they paved over him. Keith had to--
 * [ In The Quarter safe house. ] My buddy Keith lived in a graveyard once for a whole year -- it wasn't a dare or nothin', he just got kicked out of his house. He said he NEVER saw a single ghost 'cept for this one time when a ghost stabbed him from behind and took all his money, and he might've just been a homeless guy, 'cause he had a robe on with two eyes cut out his face.
 * [ In the bridge safe room. ] One time the army bombed my buddy Keith. He went camping and didn't bother to read the signs, and I guess they were just testing bombs that day. All sorts of stuff too, not just regular bombs. Like biological nerve gas bombs, shrapnel bombs, these bombs that break up in the air into like a hundred smaller bombs--
 * I ever tell you about the time me and Keith snuck into a Tunnel of Love? Man, if you get your spit thick enough, y'see, y'all can hang a loogie off the overhang, right, so when smoochin' sons of bitches behind you--

Negative responses

 * "Well piss!"
 * "Aw hog-wash man!"
 * "Jesus, no man!"
 * "Ah, Lord!"
 * "That ain't right."
 * "Ain't that a load of SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!"

Health related
"Oh Coach.. Thanks for all you've done, man." "Goodbye Coach." "You're a hell of a man Coach." "Thanks Coach."
 * [ When healing] "Can somebody wait up? I'm gonna heal."
 * "Wait a second, I'm gonna heal."
 * "Can somebody watch my back? I'm gonna heal."
 * "Healing, cover me please!"
 * "Can y'all cover me? I gotta heal!"
 * [ After healing ] "Oh yeah, (shakes self awake) oh yeah, oh yeah."
 * "(Shaking self awake)"
 * "That fixed me up real good."
 * "Much, much better now."
 * "Oooh yeah."
 * "I hope to hell I'm doing this right."
 * [ When healing a teammate ] "Here ya go. I had no use for this anyhow, I ain't gonna get shot."
 * [ When reviving a teammate ] "I ain't leaving you, but you better get up!"
 * [ When someone is incapacitated ] "Hang on there."
 * "Up we go."
 * [ When low on health ] "Oh man. Oh man oh man oh man oh man..."
 * "I think these zombies are tryin' to kill me."
 * "I ain't lying, this hurts."
 * "I'm not tryin' to curse myself, but I don't think I'm gonna make it."
 * "Aw, hell no. Hell no."
 * "I'm all tuckered out..."
 * "This ain't in my plans..."
 * "This ain't right..."
 * "I could really go for a nap right now..."
 * "I got misery in my bones!"
 * "Y'all...y'all I hurt."
 * [While Incapacitated] "Hey I need some help over here!"
 * "Help me out!"
 * "I can't make it on my own! Help me!"
 * "HE-EELP!!
 * "AHHHH!"
 * [ While falling to his death ] "SORRY Y'ALL!!"
 * [ After being revived ] "Much obliged."
 * [ Inside a Rescue closet ] "Oh, come on man! I'm gettin' bored up here. Get me out of here!"
 * "Hey...hey everybody, don't forget about me in here!"
 * "Help! HELP! HEEEELP!!"
 * "Okay, I triple-dog-dare you to rescue me!"
 * "Now hold on, you're not thinkin' of leavin' me in here, are you?"
 * "Could someone please get me out of here?"
 * [After being defibrillated] "OW, what ya shockin' me for?"
 * "Was I dead? Good thing I didn't walk towards the light..."
 * "I was dead there? Oh man..."
 * [ When Coach dies ]
 * "Aw man Coach.."

"Nick.. You were cool man.." "Miss you Brother." "Damn Nick.. Heh, we were just gettin' to be friends."
 * [ When Nick dies ]
 * "Aw Nick.."

"Ro.. I'mma miss you girl." "I'll remember you in my prayers, Ro.." "Hell of a girl, Ro."
 * [ When Rochelle Dies ]
 * "You be good Rochelle."

Weapon related

 * [ When he finds an axe ] (Chuckles and says quietly) "Look who's got an axe..."
 * [ When he picks up an axe ] "I've always wanted to be an axe murderer!"
 * [ When he picks up a baseball bat ] "I'm gonna beat these sonsabitches 'til I lose my watch!"
 * [ When he spots a Molotov ] "Mol'tov here!"
 * "Molotov."
 * [ When he is going to throw a Molotov ] "Fire coming!"
 * "MOLOTOV COMING!"
 * "Jars are not a place for bodily functions"
 * [ When grabbing a Bile Bomb ] "Bottle of puke here."
 * "Bi...le bomb here."
 * "Grabbin' a bile bomb!"
 * "Grabbin' a bile jar."
 * "I got a bile bomb here!"
 * [ After throwing a bile bomb ] "Heads up, bile bomb!"
 * "Here comes the puke!"
 * "Bile bomb incoming!"
 * "Throwing a bile bomb"
 * "Here comes the bile, sons of bitches!"
 * [ After throwing a 'Pipe bomb] '''"Hey! Chase this!"
 * "Throwing a pipe bomb!."
 * [ When reloading ] "I'm a reload."
 * "Hey, I'm reloading!"
 * "Gotta reload!"
 * [ When grabbing a Machete ] "Machete here."
 * [ Upon picking up a Tonfa ] "♪ Gonna beat me a zombie to death with a nightstick~ ♪"
 * [ Picking up a Sniper Rifle ] "Imma' snipe some sons-a-bitches."
 * "This shotgun feels right. Real right.
 * [ Picking up a Chainsaw ] "Man, if I lose my hand, I'm stitchin' this thing onto the stump."
 * While using the Chainsaw ] "DIE, DIE, DIE, MY DARLINGS! DIE, DIE, DIE! / "GET SOME, BABY! GET SOME!"
 * "Grabbing the ninja sword. Wish I'd brought my throwing stars."
 * "Grabbing the ninja sword. Anybody sees some nunchuks, gimme a holler."
 * "Crowbars give you that personal touch you don't get with gun killin."
 * "Grabbing the shotgun of Love!"
 * "Grabbing the Ninja Sword of Love!"

Infected related

 * [ When constricted by a Smoker ] "SHOOT THE TONGUE!!"
 * [ When seeing the Infected or someone gets hit ] "Look out now!"
 * [ When sees a Charger ] "CHARGER!"
 * [ When he is pummeled by a Charger ] "Aw Hell! He's poundin' me to death!"
 * "He's bashing me into shit!"
 * [ When vomited on by a Boomer ] "Aw Hell! This sucks!"
 * "Ahhh! I can't see shit!"
 * "Christ in a Hand Basket! I'm gooed!"
 * "Ohh, Christ!"
 * "I'm all gooed!"
 * [ When sees a Spitter ] "Hey, it's a Spitter!"
 * [ Upon seeing a Tank for the first time ] "OH LORDY THAT'S A BIG ASS THING!!!"
 * [ When sees a Tank ] "Tank, Tank!
 * TANK! RUN! no, no, no, don't run...SHOOT!"
 * [ When the Spitter is about to spit ] "HEADS UP!"
 * "GOO INBOUND!"
 * [ When spat on by a Spitter ] "YUCK! Spitter goo!"
 * "I got Spitter shit on me."
 * "Ah, hell, man, Spitter goo."
 * "I got hit by the burnin' goo shit!"
 * [ When sees a Hunter ] "We got a Hunter!"
 * "HUNTER, HUNTER, HUNTER!"
 * [ When pounced by a Hunter ] "GET HIM OFF!"
 * "GET 'IM OFF! GET 'IM OFF ME!"
 * [ When he sees a Jockey ] "We got a Jockey!!"
 * "JOCKEY!"
 * "Hear one of em' Back Humpers round' here."
 * [When pounced on by a Jockey] "Is this thing humping me?!"
 * "OW! GET.....!"
 * "SUMBITCH IS ON MY BACK!"
 * "It ain't right havin' this thing on me!"
 * [ When a Jockey is nearby ] "Dude, I hear one of them Back Humpers around."
 * "Hey watch your back, Jockey 'round here."
 * [ When running from a Witch ] "Coming through! Witch on my ass!"
 * [ When someone else is pounced by a Jockey ] "That's just humiliating."
 * [ When seeing a Witch ] "Aw, a Witch."
 * [ Upon hearing a Witch ] "That cryin' girl's around."
 * [ When being chased by a Witch] Shoot her, SHOOT HER!
 * [ When the witch is getting angry ] "Oh shit man, that Witch is a spaz!"
 * [ When hitting a Riot Infected ] "Aw, hell, they're bulletproof."
 * "Man, that zombie was too tall. I fixed him."
 * [ When he kills a Spitter ] "Sorry about that Nick, didn’t meant to kill your mom."
 * "Man, I've never been so scared of clowns."

Dead Center

 * [After seeing the map showing the last safe zones in America] "Hey guys, according to this map New Orleans is the last city standing."


 * [ After being asked by Whitaker to get some cola ] "I can understand that, man needs his snacks. (quietly) Man this guy's weird."
 * Hey, I know a gun shop where near here where we can get some real weapons. (Whitakers shop)
 * [ When introducing himself in the elevator in The Hotel ] "My name is Ellis, but some people call me El. I really prefer Ellis as El sounds like a girl's name. But if you prefer to call me El you can."
 * [ Seeing a Tank on Dead Center ] "Do guns even do anything to that thing?!"
 * '"["' "Seeing the zombies for the first time" '"]'" "Dude those zombies are REAL. I knew them books were non-fiction."
 * "Now hold on. You been makin' jokes about Savannah all day long and I've held my tongue. But don't belittle Jimmy Gibbs, Jr. That man is the pride of Georgia."
 * "That's Jimmy Gibbs, Jr. The greatest driver ever to climb into a stock car."
 * "That right there, ladies and gentlemen, is Mr. Jimmy Gibbs, Jr.!"
 * "That man is an American hero."
 * "If the laws of nature would allow it, I would bare than man's children"
 * "Aw, hell. I coulda got my picture taken with Jimmy Gibb's stock car? I HATE this apocalypse."
 * "Jimmy Gibbs got my vote."
 * "Let's go find Jimmy Gibb's stock car. We get that thing gassed up, we can drive outta here."
 * "So I been thinking. Jimmy Gibb's stock car's around here somewhere. We just gotta find it, gas it up, and I'll drive that thing to New Orleans my damn self."
 * "I've got an idea. You know them posters we been seein? Get your picture taken with Jimmy Gibb's stock car? That means it's HERE. We just need to appropriate it, and we got ourselves an escape vehicle."
 * "I've got an idea. Jimmy Gibbs, Jr. ain't gonna mind if we borrow his stock car. He's a very generous man."
 * "Only if I get killed. Otherwise you better kill me, cause I'M driving."
 * "Wherever he is, Coach-he's proud of you."
 * "Not me. That man's like a father to me."
 * "Man I feel like I'm gassin' up royalty."
 * "This is... such an honor."
 * "Man, never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd be gassin' up Jimmy Gibbs's car."
 * "Jimmy Gibbs, Jr. I will do this for you."
 * "I reckon it's headed to the mall. There's an evacuation center there. Grab some weapons and I'll lead the way."
 * "Looked like the whirly-bird was headin' to the mall across town. And I'll call it what I like, fancy suit."
 * "Folks call me Ellis. I run an auto shop around here. Instead of evacuatin', I armored up a truck to drive myself out of here. Built that thing to be zombie proof."
 * "Turns out it was only ninety-nine percent zombie proof. The last one percent tore that truck to SHIT."
 * "Hey, come on, now! Quarrelin' amongst ourselves ain't solvin' nothing. Anyway, I think the building's on fire. Maybe we should get movin'."
 * "I'm gonna kill zombies with this gun, or no, this one, or... shit man, there's a lot of choices in here.
 * "Ugh, only the best stock car racer who ever lived, Nick. Guess you don't read much history."
 * "Aw, shit, we missed him? That is the last straw-these zombies have just made an enemy."

Dark Carnival
Ellis: "Sorry guys, guess this wasn’t such a hot idea after all."
 * [ Conversation at the start of Dark Carnival ] Nick: “I hate to be the bearer of bad-news guys, but unless Ellis knows how to build a monster truck, we ain't driving through this."
 * Nick: “God damn you, Jimmy Gibbs, Jr.!”

Ellis: “Now that’s not cool, Nick.” [ An alternative line ] "Now that was just uncalled for. Serious."
 * [ Beginning of Dark Carnival ] "Sorry folks. This car is capable of miracles, but it can't drive over 20 miles of parked cars. I think we're walkin'."
 * Nick: "Don't sweat it Ellis. At least you got us out of that mall."
 * Coach: Hell you got us this far. We'll find another way to N'awlins (New Orleans)
 * [ Beginning of Dark Carnival ] Hey guys, can I get a minute. Alone. With the car. I got some things I want to say.
 * [ After shooting several stuffed elephants ] "I think I might win somethin'..."
 * "Into the maintenance tunnel of love!"
 * "Into the blasted hole of love!"
 * [ During the 2nd stage of Dark Carnival, upon seeing the sign leading into Kiddie land ] "Holy SHIT, guys! IT'S KIDDIE LAND!"

Coach: "I swear, doesn't it sometimes feel like we're babysitting?" /Nick: He's Like a five year old with guns. And a comprehensive grasp of every swear word in the English language./Rochelle: I wish I could be that happy.....oh what the heck! WHOOO KIDDY LAND!!!!
 * "Ain't nobody been swimmin' in this pool for a while."
 * "Dude, they got the park all lit up!"
 * "People got to be in that park."
 * "Coach, you're breathing a little hard, you okay?"
 * "Look at those poor people. All they wanted to do was go for a swim."
 * "I never once thought a merry-go-round would turn on me."
 * "I mean, what is this world coming to when you dread a merry-go-round?"
 * "Can we stop and make some cotton candy? Seriously."
 * "I saw 'em in '07. Front row center. Lost my eyebrows."
 * "Stay on That Mountain! First single off their Ten Past Midnight album. I love that song."
 * "Oh man. This’ll be the…fourth time the Midnight Riders have saved my life!”
 * "Uh, yeah, they're a pretty big deal, all right."
 * "Man, would you look at all these rides? And no LINES! Wish we weren't in such a hurry."
 * "It's like we bought the park and got every ride to ourselves! That's the third thing I was gonna do if I ever won the lottery."
 * "I wanna ride one! Just one! Just lemme ride the Screaming Oak once. Man, when we ever gonna be here again?"
 * "Man, how can you not like Li'l Peanut? I love this little guy!"
 * "You guys are jaded. I used to have his toys when I was bite-sized. That little stuffed peanut was the best friend a boy could have."
 * "One thing video games have taught me, good shit is always in vents."
 * [ When entering the tunnel of love ] "Dang, look at Nick's jacket."
 * "This ain't that kinda ride, Nick. (Whisper) This is where you make out with your girlfriend."
 * "Ohmigod, it's Christmas."
 * "Dude, If we had my monster truck we could drive over all this."
 * "What next? Dinosaurs flying down from the sky and shooting lasers out of their eyes?"

Swamp Fever
Coach: "Though I walk, through the valley of the shadow of death..."
 * [ While traveling on the cable ferry ] "Coach? Any inspirational words while we enter the swamp
 * Ellis: "Yeah! I'm walk'n in that valley'n I'm kick'n some ass!"

Rochelle: "Ellis? Does your tattoo mean anything?"
 * Ellis: "Oh this here? That says I'm a bad ass zombie killing machine."
 * Rochelle: "Wow. You must have amazing foresight to have gotten that."


 * [ Before the emergency door event starts at The Swamp ] "Somebody's gotta open this door."
 * "Y'all ask me? These swamp people got it all figured out, man. No cops, no rules..."
 * "Oh yeah, I know plenty about swamps. They're full of bugs and gators and snakes and, well, zombies now!
 * "Listen up everybody. Be on the lookout for blood farmers. I'm serious."
 * "This one time, I was on a tour boat and they fed chickens to the gators."
 * "Hoohoo! Apocalypse, my ass! We're livin' in the best shooting range of ALL TIME!"
 * "Duh? Farmers that don't grow crops, they grow people. To eat."
 * "Yeah. I mean not so much thinking about the gators as I'm wishing we had some BBQ chicken right now."
 * "Smells like a raccoon died in a diaper factory."
 * [ On ferry in the Plank Country]] ] "Hey, Nick? Did you know I used to have a suit just like yours once?"
 * Nick: "Pfft"/"Oh, really?"
 * Ellis: "Yeah. First communion in second grade. Don't think it fits anymore."
 * Coach: "Ho ho, yeah boy! Look at you, givin' him shit right back!"/ "Nick, just ignore the boy."

Hard Rain

 * [ Passing many Witches in the Sugar Mill ] "Shit...I'ma bout to start crying in a minute."
 * [When looking down at the gas station in Hard Rain] "Alright, there's the gas station, all we gotta do is pass through this cane field.
 * [ Responding to Rochelle's comment about an incoming storm ] "Nobody wander off!"
 * [ Seeing flooded town in Hard Rain. ] "It's the God damn city of Atlantis" ALTERNATE LINE: "It's like a fabled city of Atlantis"

The Parish
Ellis: "I dunno. Smells kinda nice." Nick: "Ever eaten horse? It's tasty."
 * [ When approaching toilets on Parish ] Coach: "Aww, man, stinks 'a piss... "
 * [ When he sees the statue of Andrew Jackson ] "Man, I wish we had a horse right now. I loooove horses."
 * Ellis: "Who ain't right in the head now?"
 * [ An alternative line ]"Horses are for ridin', not eatin', Nick."
 * Ellis: "Horse!"
 * Nick: "Nice observation, Ellis."


 * Coach: [reading notice]"Report the sick..."
 * Ellis: "Report the sick?"
 * Rochelle: "Don't worry Ellis, they mean the flu, not in the head."
 * [ When sees a alarmed car ] "Ya'll better not shoot the car."
 * [Upon seeing the buses at the bus station] "Did I ever tell you guys about the time my grandpa took me on a bus to Memphis to visit Graceland, and we--"
 * Nick: "Ellis, Ellis! We don't have time for that right now!"
 * Ellis: "Okay. But I do love goin' on bus rides."

[Alternate line] "You ain't never been to Graceland, Nick? Man, y'all should've come, we had so much fun!"
 * [ After the Survivors have been dropped off by Virgil ] "Thanks brotha'."
 * [When going through The Cemetery] "Man if these were real zombies we'd be screwed." [ Noting the fact that old movie zombies were originally dead people and would rise out of the ground.]

Friendly Fire

 * [ When shot ] "Man, why you shooting me? Shoot zombies, not me!"
 * "Ya know, shooting me ain't gonna help nothin'."
 * "Damn, this is not funny!"
 * "Stop shooting me, it won't help you anyway."
 * "Shoot me again and I'll knock you into next week."
 * "C'mon, watch it! Daaamn!"
 * "I'm not a zombie. Shoot the zombies."
 * "Whoa, Whoa that hurts!"
 * "That's not cool...Seriously.
 * "Hey those bullets hurt you know."
 * [ When being shot by Rochelle] "Come on girl, I thought we were closer than that."
 * "Come on, it's not funny anymore!"
 * "I know you shot me."

Scavenge

 * [ Upon a Scavenge match start ] "Go, go, go, go, go, grab some gas!"
 * [ Upon picking up a gas can in a Scavenge match ] "Got it!"