Coach/Quotes

A list of Coach's Quotes heard so far in Left 4 Dead 2.

Intro

 * [Reading CEDA's instructons in Zombie Survival Guide trailer ] *with irony* "Report unusual behavior. Barricade your homes. Avoid all contact with infected individuals. Wait for official instructions. Hah! Wait my ass!"
 * Ellis: Kill all sons'a'bitches. That's my official instructions!


 * [ Killing an infected in Zombie Survival Guide trailer ] "This used to be a nice neighborhood!"
 * [ Stopping for a break at the stairs in Zombie Survival Guide trailer ] "Who the Hell...puts an evac station...up thirty flights of goddamn stairs?"
 * Nick: "Well, Coach... Maybe the helicopter...maybe it's made of chocolate!"
 * [ Looking at the fleeing helicopters in Zombie Survival Guide trailer ] "Thought they're supposed to be savin' our asses!"

General

 * "All right, let's put on our game faces, they're comin!"
 * "God damn it, I knew I shoulda lost some weight."
 * "All right, everybody, you are giving 110%."
 * "Man, this is about to get all Baghdad and shit.."
 * "That was some epic shit right there."

Negative responses

 * "You try that shit on me and you'll be wishin' your momma never met ya father."

Health related

 * [ When there's only two survivors left ] "Stay close, we're a party of two."
 * [ When low on health ] "Crazy sons' bitches messin' me up!"
 * "*various spluttering sounds*"
 * [ When being revived ] "They oughta name a school after me for this shit."
 * "They better name a school after me for this shit."
 * "All right, thanks."
 * [ Being revived with the Defibrillator] "Aw Hell, I'm back here."
 * "Please tell me you didn't do mouth to mouth..."
 * "Glad I didn't go toward the light."
 * [ When picking up pills] "I know one thing: I'm grabbin' pills!"
 * "Got the pills!"
 * [ When reviving someone] "Keep it up. C'mon, keep it up, keep it up. You gonna make it."
 * [ When in critical need of healing ] "Come on... Put it together, man... You gonna make it through this shit..."
 * "It hurts...but it ain't nothing."
 * [ When on black and white ] "Come on man. You can make it through this shit!"
 * [ When giving pain pills ] "You make sure you use this now."
 * [ While incapacitated ] "Get your asses over here and help me!"
 * [ Reviving someone on their last down ] "Man, you look like one of those dudes in a drivin' school film. This may be it for you."
 * "I don't mean to be pickin' on ya, but ya''ll look like shit." "
 * [ When healing another Survivor. ] "Hold still. Imma heal your ass!"
 * "I hope this makes you feel better. Ain't sure what I'm doin'."
 * [ When picking up Rochelle shortly after she already went down ] "AGAIN!?"
 * [ In a weak and breaking voice ] Rochelle: "Again..."


 * [Rochelle dies leaving Coach alone] "Ahh no, baby-girl, now I'm all alone"
 * [While healing himself] "Shit, I need to heal my ass."
 * [When low on health and Ellis is telling a story] "WE'RE NOT GONNA SET UP CAMP FOR YOU!"

Weapon related

 * [ When he picks some incendiary ammo ] "Boo-yeah!"
 * [ When he is going to throw a molotov or a pipe bomb ] "Fire in the hoooole!"
 * "Grenaade!"
 * " All right now, let's blow some shit up."
 * [ Reloading after taking heavy damage ] "Re-goddamn-loading!"
 * "I tell ya, it's gonna be raining zombie pieces."
 * "Hey boy. Pow! Some bitches gonna get sniped."

Infected related

 * [Upon spotting a Tank] "I'm gonna beat that Tank's ass!"
 * "Ohhh shit! Tank!"
 * [ When constricted ] "(raspy) Get this mother fu-(coughs) off me!"
 * [When a Spitter is about to spit] "Burning shit comin'!"
 * [When a Spitter is around] "That fat spittin' bitch is around."
 * "I hear that fat woman."
 * [When a Smoker is around] "Sounds like one of them Smoker bitches."
 * [When a Hunter is around] "Punk-ass Hunter around."
 * [When a Witch is around] "Ya'll hear, get ready to toss that bitch"
 * "Quiet everybody, I hear a Bitch."
 * "That cryin' girls around here."
 * "I'll give her somethin' to cry about!"
 * [When pummeled by a Charger] "Charger! SHOOT!"
 * "Don't stand there, kill this thing!
 * "Charger's pounding me into the ground!"
 * "This things beating my ass!"
 * "Shoot the Charger!"
 * "This Charger's pounding me!"
 * "Shoot this damn Charger!"
 * "God-damn, one of ya'll gotta shoot this thing!"
 * [ When he sees a Riot Infected ] "That zombie's got armor! I want armor!"
 * [ When a Jockey is riding him ] "Ellis, is that you? What the hell!?""
 * "It ain't right for a man to be ridden like that."
 * [ When Ellis kills a Special Infected ] "Nice shot, Young un'.
 * [ When Rochelle kills a Special Infected ]You on it!"
 * [ When hearing a Jockey ] "One of those leapin'-on-your-back bitches is around."
 * "I hear one of those Jockeys. If I see it, I'm gonna shoot the shit out of it!"

Dead Center

 * [ When the chopper leaves without them at the beginning of Dead Center ] "HEYYY! COME BACK! COME-ahh, he ain't comin' back."
 * [ At the beginning of the Atrium Finale ] "Oh, hey! Jimmy Gibbs!
 * Nick"I'm getting sick of looking at this guy's face"
 * Coach: "Well trust me - in these parts, he's as famous as....Elvis. Or the President."
 * Nick: "Really. 'Cause he looks like an asshole."
 * Coach: "Get yo' ass movin', Nick."


 * "Nick, don't give me that look. Cola and nuts might be this man's last meal. We can't deny him that. We get him his snacks, he helps us. I'm good with it."
 * "Cola and nuts? Could go for some myself. Better not be diet cola. Because that I will not do."
 * "I have never killed zombies on a snack run, but today is a day of firsts. If you don't mind us using your guns to do it, we're good to go."
 * "Finally something that makes sense to me. A man and his snacks. We'll hook ya up. Just don't forget to take care of us."
 * "People call me Coach. And I LIVE here."
 * "What the heck is that chopper doing?"
 * "I don't think you're supposed to use an elevator when the buildin's on fire."

Dark Carnival

 * [Upon seeing the height requirement at the carousel]'You must be this tall to ride.' Well-least there won't be no Jockeys in there.
 * Nick: Nope. Just lots and lots of Tanks.
 * You must be this tall to ride. Sorry Ellis.
 * [ Upon passing a candyfloss store in Dark Carnival. ] "Cotton Candy, the wise Pharaoh of food, sittin' a top the food pyramid, passing judgment on all the lesser foods."
 * [ In the Tunnel of Love ] "I don't remember the Tunnel of Love bein' this LONG. I musta had something else on my mind."
 * Nick: "Sorry to break it to you Coach, but your heroes lip-sync. There's a tape back here labeled Finale."
 * Coach: "No, they're just saving their voices for the studio, Nick. That's SMART."
 * [In the Tunnel of Love] "Back in the day, I had some POSTER'S that would look good in this light."


 * "Lip syncing old ass bitches, they got a tape back here."
 * "Well ain't this a bitch, they got a tape for their music. To think I used to like these guys."
 * "Hey, no smoochin yall."
 * "Hm. Shit. First time I ever couldn't wait to get out of the Tunnel of Love."
 * [When standing in front of the microphone with a guitar at the Finale] Every lady's crazy when their daddy's not around, na na na na na na na na! Gotta reach for the top, stay on the mountain, na na na na na na na na!
 * "I find a Burger Tank in this place? I'm-a be a one-man cheeseburger apocalypse."
 * "Look, let's just find the corndog stand and hold out there."

Swamp Fever

 * [ Reading the sign at the start of The Swamp ] "No CEDA, No Military, Stay Out..."
 * [ When ferry arrives at the Swamp Fever ] "Put it all out there."
 * [ When the fishing boat arrives in The Plantation] "*Repeatedly blows sports whistle*"
 * "Better not be any goddamn instant mud people, just add water."
 * "Nick, we're goin into a swamp filled with zombies. Y'all want me to lie to ya?"
 * "I normally stay the hell away from swamps on principle. You remember that movie with that golfer that got his hand ate by a gator? That shit's real."
 * "Ellis, it's just a boat."

Hard Rain

 * "I am not dying in a goddamn sugar mill."

The Parish
Nick: "Tell me about it..."
 * [ Reading the sign at the start of The Parish ] "Infected detected, no shit."
 * [Reading a sign, laughing] "Form orderly line."
 * [ Upon reaching the beginning of The Lift Bridge(?) ] "Oh yeah...our goal is right next to the bridge! ON THE OTHER MOTHER EFFIN' SIDE OF THE WATER!!"
 * [ While Walking through the sewers in the Parish ] "Man Nick, You picked a bad day to wear your white suit."
 * [ Upon contacting the military via the radio on The Bridge ] Military: "Bridge, are you immune?"
 * Coach: "We are NOT infected."
 * Military: "Negative Bridge, are you IMMUNE? Have you encountered the Infected?"
 * Coach: "Encountered? Boy, I am covered in zombie blood and puke and eyeballs and twenty other parts I don't even recognize. We are immune as SHIT!"

Friendly Fire

 * [ When shot at ] "Hey! Stop shooting me, all right!?"
 * "Will you cut that shit out!"
 * "Excuse me? EXCUSE ME!?!"
 * "Lets not start shooting each other now, okay?"
 * "Shoot me again, and you gonna be meetin' your maker right soon."
 * "Y'all gotta stop shootin' me."
 * "There's gonna be some biblical shit happening to you if you do that again."
 * "Let's not all start shootin' each other now."
 * "Are you outta your mind shootin' at me?"
 * "You gotta learn how to shoot!"
 * "Nicolas, I thought you knew how to use a gun."
 * "I'm trying to tell you, shooting each other is not helping each other."
 * "Shootin' me? That's some crazy shit."

Scavenge

 * [At the beginning of a Scavenge map] "Haul ass and get gas!!"
 * "Let's GO! Find the gas cans!"
 * [ When the survivors win ] "YEEEAH!"

Uncategorized

 * [ When car alarm starts ] "Game on, ladies..."
 * [ Randomly said when being controlled by a bot and Nick says "Let's go! Let's go! ] "F'sho! F'sho!" *chuckle*
 * "Chicken ain't nothing but a bird."
 * "Ain't been called nothin' but Coach for a long time."
 * "Rochelle, you gotta find another window, this here is the men's room."
 * "I wonder if they got dinner cookin'?"
 * "Oh you know we'll be here. We ain't got any other pressin' engagements."
 * "Man, I sure wish the Burger Tank was open"
 * "I knew Burger Tank wouldn't let us down."
 * "Good question, where in the hell is CEDA? Cause I'd like to shoot some of their asses."
 * "Hide? Pussies."
 * "All right, you MENTIONED pancakes, but it wasn't really ABOUT them, was it?"
 * "Nick, get your OCD-smelling ass in the chopper!"
 * "Hey, Nick, you smell THAT? That's the smell of Coach gettin' mad."
 * "Dollars to donuts, that chopper's headin' to the mall across town."
 * "It's not funny. You coulda really hurt yours... Naw, it's funny.